Thursday - September 30, 2004

S. H. I. T. Laughs

For those not yet familiar with it S.H.I.T. means “sure happy it’s Thursday!”

OK, now that THAT’S out of the way, here’s some late night yuck-yucks for you.

From Leno

--- What a crowd! You sound like those girls in that West Virginia prison when they heard that Martha Stewart was coming!

--- Have you heard about this - Martha Stewart has been ordered to report to Alderson Federal Prison West Virginia by October 8th. What does that mean “by” October 8th? Why would you go sooner? Do a lot of criminals like to get to prison a few days early? So they understand, so it’s not all rush, rush, rush the first day. Get your curtains up, paint the room, do that kind of thing.

--- You know what’s interesting about this whole Martha Stewart case? People think she was convicted for insider trading, but she was only convicted for lying to prosecutors. Her prison term is for giving false information and covering it up. And today Dan Rather said, “You can go to jail for that?”

--- The debate deal for three debates almost fell apart because John Kerry did not want a light to flash when his time was almost up. And George Bush didn’t want a light to flash because he’s easily distracted.

--- They say this debate is already helping the economy. In fact, millions of people are buying large screen TV sets so they can see Kerry’s entire head.

--- What do you think of this? According to a sports illustrated poll, 30% of male reads said they would rather watch a big playoff game than have sex. The other 70% said “hey that’s why they have half time.”

--- There is a concern that increasing testosterone in women can over time cause certain masculine traits like facial hair and a deep voice. Though they say there are certain signs that women should look out for if they’re getting too much testosterone. For example, ladies if you have an erection, that’s a dead giveaway right there.

From Letterman

--- Welcome to the show. This just in. CBS says they can not vouch for the authenticity of John Kerry’s tan.

--- As you know Martha Stewart is going to the slammer, the can, going to jail. Some place in West Virginia. But don’t kid yourself. This place is tough – room services stops at ten.

--- There’s a new $50 bill out to help stop counterfeiting. They made some changes to Ulysses Grant. There’s now a red and blue background, glowing threads, and ink that changes from copper to green. Sounds like someone got a queer makeover.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 09/30/2004 at 06:06 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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