Sunday - June 19, 2011

poor brain dead cousin jo. the adventure continues

THE FURTHER ADVENTURES OF A LOON OR … ANOTHER CHAPTER IN THE LIFE OF ,

POOR BRAIN DEAD COUSIN JO

June 19, 2011

Not exactly a chapter. More like one line but it takes more then one line to explain it.

Some time ago I had occasion to write about my wife’s cousin (on her father’s side), who I very aptly referred to as … Poor Brain Dead Cousin Jo.
In fact, I had more then one occasion to write about this historically very knowledgeable but otherwise very dim bulb.

Blogs are where we get to write about our boring (or not) lives or the doings of others for good or no. A place to let off steam and bore others sometimes.  Like bitching about a neighbor’s dog or late night party because ppl are not very considerate these days.
But writing about the doings of cousin Jo, (the brain dead wonder of the western world) just tickles the hell outta me, and so I when the occasion arises, and cousin Jo invariably offers those opportunities, I feel compelled to write about it.

While some of you reading this may recall her previous adventures, some who read this may not know who the hell I’m talking about. Or why. Well, a bit of background so you’ll know why.

Until she was in her 70th year of being, cousin Jo could still get away with tight jeans and heels. She was fairly sexy looking for her age but I promise you, it wasn’t planned.  She just happened to look well.  In fact, when I first met her some 30 years earlier, she was overweight, it showed, and she still managed to look pretty damn good.  Of course, the walking she did may have helped.  The Brits are walkers and hikers.  The group she belonged to would walk something like 12 or 15 miles and that was warm up.  But that was much later.  Anyway, she had some surgery of some kind and I suspect it was then that perhaps in error, they operated on the wrong part and took out her brain.

To recap briefly, this is a woman who insisted, on hearing that she was wrong to piggy back someone’s pc connection, that if she were to take a bicycle and go someplace but returned it, it wouldn’t be stealing.  Even if she never asked permission first.  So therefore, borrowing someone’s connection fell into the same category.

Speaking of puters.  She’s one of those who should be barred by law as she honestly is too dumb to have one. She spent years taking a free course at a school and never got beyond turning on your computer using the start button.  She couldn’t find it.

She once called to ask us for advise on giving herself an enema, as she’d never done so before and didn’t know how.  Is that a howler er what?

From the time she says goodbye at the door after a visit, it’s usually a full twenty minutes before she’s at her car parked out front.  Another five before starting the engine, talking all the while, while saying goodbye.

She once asked for advise on …
“How does one read in bed?  My book keeps falling on my head.”
Under questioning it turned out that she was reading laying flat on her back and falling asleep while holding a book above her face.

Could I possibly make that up?  Or this one.

ring,ring,ring ring.  (our phone)
Hello
Jo, sounding surprised that anyone answered their phone always starts with,
“Oh” (pause) “Hi” Can I speak to Jenn?
Sure Jo, let me get her for you. But Jo is already talking anyway.
She needs some information.

“How do you boil an egg?”

You just could never ever make that up.

Stay Tuned
-30-

Posted by peiper     on 06/19/2011 at 05:15 AM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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