Saturday - September 18, 2004
Go Ralphie, Baby!!
I don’t think we Republicans will need a “Nader advantage” this year as it appears the Clintons and their minions have effectively harpooned Kerry’s chances by advising him to focus on Vietnam but................Florida’s Supreme Court has ruled that Ralph Nader should be allowed to be on the ballot. HOORAY!!!
Dems and other moonbats have fought through the legal system (probably Edwards’ attorneys) to stop this but their cause is now lost.
Go RALPH!!!!
on 09/18/2004 at 07:38 AM
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Saturday Humor
Thanks to Alan S. for these!
Akmed the Arab
Akmed the Arab came to the United States from the Middle East, and he was only here a few months when he became very ill.
He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him.
Finally, he went to an Arab doctor who said, “Take dees bocket, go into de odder room, poop in de bocket, pee on de poop, and den put your head downover de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes.”
Akmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the bucket, peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.
Coming back to the doctor he said, “It worked. I feel terrific! “What was wrong with me?”
The doctor said, “You were homesick”
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes.
When I came out there was a city cop writing out a parking ticket.
I went up to him and said, “come on, buddy, how about giving a senior a break?” He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
I called him a name. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.
So I called him a worse name. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote.
I didn’t care. My car was parked around the corner and this one had a “Elect John Kerry” bumper sticker on it.
I try to have a little fun each day now that I’m retired. It’s important at our age.
Barking Moonbat Of The Week
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Secretary Of State Colin Powell today accepted the resignation of Prince Rather Of See-BS. In a tearful farewell speech from the Square Office, Prince Rather said only, “I am not a crook”. Prince Rather is shown here waving farewell to well-wishers as Marine One prepares to take the deposed Prince to an undisclosed location in Cuba where Fidel Castro has offered him asylum. The Prince has been under fire since he became involved in the notorious “MemoGate” conspiracy which was covered extensively by Bob Woodward, based on an anonymous source known only as “Deep Blogger”.
In a related story, See-BS executives announced today that they are currently in talks with Mickey Mouse to replace Prince Rather. The Duke Of Mouse was not returning phone calls.
Dan Rather (of course)
Daily Dose
Quote Of The Day
“I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
-- Sir Winston Churchill
On This Day In History
September 18th
1970 - Jimi Hendrix Dies
Guitarist Jimi Hendrix dies at the age of 28, following a drug overdose in London.
Hendrix was born in Seattle in 1942. He grew up playing guitar, imitating blues greats like Muddy Waters as well as early rockers. He joined the army in 1959 and became a paratrooper but was honorably discharged in 1961 after an injury that exempted him from duty in Vietnam. In the early 1960s, Hendrix backed such musicians as Little Richard, B.B. King, Ike and Tina Turner, and Sam Cooke. He moved to New York in 1964, where he played in coffeehouses.
It was at one of these coffeehouse gigs that British bassist Bryan Chandler of the Animals first heard Hendrix play. Chandler arranged to manage Hendrix and brought him to London in 1966, where they created the Jimi Hendrix Experience with bassist Noel Redding and drummer Mitch Mitchell. The band’s first single, “Hey Joe,” hit No. 6 on the British pop charts, and the band became an instant sensation.
In 1967, the Jimi Hendrix Experience made its first U.S. appearance, at the Monterey Pop Festival. Hendrix made a splash by burning his guitar. In the next two years, the band released classic songs like “Purple Haze,” “Foxy Lady,” and “The Wind Cries Mary.” The band’s albums included Are You Experienced? (1967), Bold as Love(1969), and Electric Ladyland (1969).
After the band dissolved in 1969 over creative tensions, Hendrix made his famous appearance at Woodstock, playing a masterful, intricate version of “The Star Spangled Banner.” Later that year, he put together a new group called the Band of Gypsies, which debuted on New Year’s Eve, 1969. The band released only one album, Band of Gypsies (1969). (A second album, Band of Gypsies II, was released in 1986.) Hendrix then recorded another album, without the band, called The Cry of Love, which was released in 1971. Jimi Hendrix played his last concert in August 1970, at the Isle of Wight Festival in Britain.
Today’s Birthdays
Samuel Johnson, (1709–84), English author
Greta Garbo, (1905–1990), American film actress
Frankie Avalon (Francis Thomas Avallone), (1939- ), Singer, actor
Lance Armstrong, (1971- ), Cyclist
Thanks to The Quotations Page - The History Channel - The Biography Channel.
Friday - September 17, 2004
Let’s Have A Contest! Yay!
If you’ll check the SiteMeter at the bottom of the right sidebar, you’ll see that we’re about to go over 100,000 (yep, we’re almost actually in six figures finally) after nine months of blogging. No jokes about being in labor, OK?
We wanted to have a contest and award a prize but we may be too late for the 100,000 mark, which we should pass sometime tonight. So Vilmar decided to have a guessing game. We will let everyone guess when we’ll pass 102,000 and the person who guesses the closest gets a special prize ....
The winner will be moved to a new group on the blog site’s security settings. While in this new group, the lucky winner will be allowed to PUBLISH on this blog site. That’s right! The winner gets to publish regular posts just like Vilmar and I do. We will have to limit it to TEN posts by the winner ‘cause Vilmar and I jealously guard this blog from brain-dead splodydopes. We will provide the winner complete instructions on how to post (It’s REALLY easy!) and turn him or her loose on you all.
Who knows? We may let other members post occasionally if there is enough interest. As for the post below from “Ronald Reagan”, I was setting up the new security group and settings when suddenly my hair stood on end and the room here got real cold .... there was a swirl of wind around my keyboard and before I knew it the “Gipper” had slipped in. We kinda like having him back. He may appear again. You never know.
So, starting RIGHT NOW, leave your comment as to when you think we’ll pass 102,000 on this post. Hint: click on the SiteMeter icon and take a look at the “daily traffic” and averages for the last week and month - that will help you make a good guess.
Good Luck!
This Is A Test Of The Emergency Moonbat Broadcasting System ….
Well .... there you go again. You folks thought you could get rid of me.You were wrong. I am Ronald Reagan’s Ghost and I have infiltrated this blog. These good old boys here need a little guidance from “beyond the grave”, I think. So I came back to help out.
For starters, I have this to say, “MR. RATHER, TEAR DOWN THAT STONEWALL!”
So there!
I’ll be back ....
on 09/17/2004 at 05:48 PM
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This is Disturbing
All of us have heard rumors about certain book stores taking the book, “Unfit for Command” off their shelves in an effort to show their disdain for President Bush.
I always felt this would be rather stupid on their part as they are in the business of making money. However, when I read this article I became a bit disturbed. Could this actually be taking place? Anyone else hear anything about similar actions being taken at other stores?
Hey, don’t forget to read the online forum linked at the beginning of the story!
on 09/17/2004 at 03:40 PM
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Too Good To Pass Up
It’s not for lack of stuff out there to comment on but sometimes you see commentary at other blogger’s sites and you have to share.
So it is with Kim du Toit’s two posts over the past couple of days. Where or how he finds this stuff I have no idea. Maybe he’ll share with us. But great stuff it is!
First off we have this offering about statistics. You know, I get tired of the lefties always trying to present their numbers as so much gloom and doom. Especially numbers dealing with deaths and the subsequent demands our law makers do something about it. But check out these numbers and tell me if you feel there is much to worry about. Frankly I always thought it was much ado about nothing but I’ll let you decide.
Here’s a snippet from his post.
For the year 2001, here are a few random odds of dying by injury (ranked in order of likelihood, to be read as “1 in _____"):
-----Unintentional Accidental Falls: 18,982
-----Car occupant: 19,075
-----Accidental poisoning by and exposure to noxious substances: 20,251
-----Assault by firearm: 25,123
-----Pedestrian: 46,960
-----Occupant of pick-up truck or van: 76,249
-----Exposure to smoke, fire and flames: 86,157
-----Complications of medical and surgical care and sequelae: 94,371
Then some unlikely ones, but which seem to get a lot of Press coverage for some reason:
-----Exposure to forces of nature (exposure, earthquake, lightning etc): 259,176
-----Drowning and submersion while in or falling into natural water: 270,487
-----Unintentional Accidental Firearms discharge: 355,479
-----Inhalation and ingestion of food causing obstruction of respiratory tract: 384,223
-----Drowning and submersion while in or falling into swimming-pool: 478,345
Go here to read what all he has to say on the subject.
Don’t forget to check on his source, too.
I kinda like the stats on death by fireworks---1 in 47,515,636!!! I don’t know about you but I do not feel threatened by that. Yet how many times have you heard the panty-waisted left demand we BAN fireworks?!?!?!?!
The other one was today’s post dealing with health care and a different blogger’s prescription for fixing it in the US. (yep, us bloggers love to cut and paste and copy and refer to one another, eh?)
Kim wishes he could take this list and nail it to Fuckface’s forehead with a six inch nail. Frankly, I can’t think of a better idea.
Kim likes the one about making health care shitty. Personally I favor the part where hospitals can automatically begin the process of garnishment for those who seek care in emergency situations and then claim an inability to pay for it.
on 09/17/2004 at 03:07 PM
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In support of gun ownership
Brazil recently passed a law outlawing possession of all guns unless owners register them AND prove they have a need for them, too.
So a bunch of cops go take a bus trip to a soccer game. Thieves jump on the bus and clean ‘em out! HA HA HA HA!
Dumb shits! Imagine 46 cops and not a gun among them!!! But you can bet your ass the robbers had guns!!!!
They deserved it. Stupid fucks!
on 09/17/2004 at 01:22 PM
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I Am Not A Crook!
Dan Rather has become the man he hated the most ....
Cartoon courtesy of Gary Varvel, Indianapolis Star
Is This The Face Of The Democratic Party?
The media is nothing but socialist leaning, Democratic sycophants with a bias the size of the Mississippi, right? I think we can all agree on that.
I believe you will also agree that if Republicans had acted in the manner I am about to illustrate, it would be splashed all over every newspaper, TV news program, and Cable News show. Right/
My conclusion? Republicans are truly compassionate and WAY MORE tolerant of asshats who disagree with them than the Dummycraps. They are also busy working PLUS they tend to be law abiding which means they’d not really do this kind of stuff for fear of going to jail and losing their jobs(a concept lost of the Donks.)
So let’s start with this assclown who gets rowdy on an airplane causing the pilot to declare a minor emergency and landing in Canada.
Turns out he’s a Kerry supporter who got drunk and began arguing with a Bush supporter. She got upset after he began touching her; called the attendants who promptly found themselves having to deal with an enraged asswipe deliberately spilling alcohol containers.
Asswipe’s lawyer calls the airline’s actions an overreaction and that his client neither threatened nor was violent.
As if we care? This stupid shit for brains should know you don’t mess with flight crew. PERIOD!! The airlines is suing for the aviation fuel costs.
His vacation was ruined.
Tough shit.
Then again, this could be a good tactic to take on flights. Get these assclowns all riled up, cause them to do something stupid, they get arrested (generally it’s a felony to mess with air crew) and lose the right to vote.
Hmmm, who’s with me on this?
Next up is something you’ve probably already seen or heard.
A family goes to a Kerry rally and holds up a Pro-Bush sign. Dummycraps ripped the little girl’s sign to pieces. She cries. (you know, if this kind of crap keeps up I will be forced to assume Dems are no better than Muslims, those practitioners of the religion that advocates killing innocent women and children!)
Lastly, we have this one where a woman attends a speech given by Laura Bush and is wearing a T-shirt which says, “President Bush you killed my son.” She then engages in yelling and carrying on.
She wanted to know why her son was killed in Iraq. Being a Dummycrap I guess I have to forgive her stupidity for not knowing why we are in Iraq. But I won’t. She’s a stupid fucking moonbat who needs to be taken out behind the barn and have the shit beat out of her for dishonoring her son’s death.
Hearing about her reminds me of Glenn Beck’s program where he holds a “Moron Trivia” contest and asks people simple questions like: What is the main kind of precipitation falls during a hurricane? What religion do most Jews practice in Israel? Who is the Vice President? Who’s the main character in the TV program ‘Everyone Loves Raymond”?
These fuckwits are so stupid you wonder how they’ve survived as long as they have on this planet.
Heaven help us if these assclowns vote.
Oh, and one more thing. While listening to Glenn’s program this morning a woman called in to say she and her daughter were at this professional women’s group meeting and her daughter was wearing a Bush/Cheney sticker. They went up to the table (wo)-manned by the President of this group who was handing out free pencils. The little girl was given one but when the president of the group saw the sticker she took the pencil from the little girl and said (paraphrased) “if you want a pencil you’ll have to take that damned sticker off!”
Yep, the party of the little people alright. Full of tolerance and love for their fellow humans!!
on 09/17/2004 at 10:03 AM
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Daily Dose
Quote Of The Day
“He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”
-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)
On This Day In History
September 17th
1862 - Battle Of Antietam, The Bloodiest Day In American Hostory
Confederate General Robert E. Lee’s Army of Northern Virginia and Union General George B. McClellan’s Army of the Potomac fight to a standstill along a Maryland creek on the bloodiest day in American history. Although the battle was a tactical draw, it forced Lee to end his invasion of the North and retreat back to Virginia. After Lee’s decisive victory at the Second Battle of Bull Run on August 30, 1862, the Confederate general had steered his army north into Maryland. Lee and Confederate President Jefferson Davis believed that another Rebel victory might bring recognition and aid from Great Britain and France. Lee also sought to relieve pressure on Virginia by carrying the conflict to the North. His ragtag army was in dire need of supplies, which Lee hoped to obtain from Maryland farms that were untouched by the war. Lee split his army as he moved into Maryland. One corps marched to capture Harpers Ferry, Virginia, while the other two searched for provisions. Although a copy of Lee’s orders ended up in the hands of McClellan, the Union general failed to act quickly, allowing Lee time to gather his army along Antietam Creek at Sharpsburg, Maryland. McClellan arrived on September 16 and prepared to attack. The Battle of Antietam actually consisted of three battles. Beginning at dawn on September 17, Union General Joseph Hooker’s men stormed Confederate General Thomas J. “Stonewall” Jackson’s troops around the Dunker Church, the West Woods, and David Miller’s cornfield. The Federals made repeated attacks, but furious Rebel counterattacks kept the Yankees in check. By early afternoon, the fighting moved south to the middle of the battlefield. Union troops under General Edwin Sumner inflicted appalling casualties on the Confederates along a sunken road that became known as “Bloody Lane” before the Southerners retreated. McClellan refused to apply reserves to exploit the opening in the Confederate center because he believed Lee’s force to be much larger than it actually was. In the late afternoon, Union General Ambrose Burnside attacked General James Longstreet’s troops across a stone bridge that came to bear Burnside’s name. The Yankees crossed the creek, but a Confederate counterattack brought any further advance to a halt. The fighting ended by early evening, and the two armies remained in place throughout the following day. After dark on September 18, Lee began pulling his troops out of their defenses for a retreat to Virginia. The losses for the one-day battle were staggering. McClellan lost a total of 12,401 men, including 2,108 dead, 9,540 wounded, and 753 missing. Lee lost 10, 406, including 1,546 dead, 7,752 wounded, and 1,108 missing. Although the Union army drove Lee’s force back to Virginia, the battle was a lost opportunity for the Yankees. McClellan had an overwhelming numerical advantage, but he did not know it. Another attack on September 18 may well have scattered the Confederates and cut off Lee’s line of retreat. A week later, President Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation and changed the Northern goal from a war for reunification into a crusade for the end of slavery.
1787 - The Constitution was completed and signed by a majority of the delegates attending the constitutional convention in Philadelphia.
1920 - The American Professional Football Association—a precursor of the NFL—was formed in Canton, Ohio.
1994 - Heather Whitestone of Alabama became the first deaf Miss America.
Today’s Birthdays
Warren Earl Burger, (1907–95), American jurist, fifteenth Chief Justice of the United States (1969–86)
Hank Williams, (1923–53), American country singer and songwriter
Thanks to The Quotations Page - The History Channel - The Biography Channel.
Thursday - September 16, 2004
A Suggestion For See-BS
See-BS News executives and Dan Rather are extremely pissed at the bloggers who recently broke the story about See-BS News’ use of forged documents to attack President Bush. In fact, one of the executives attempted to denigrate bloggers saying that we “sit around in their pajamas and type nonsense because they like Bush so much”. Well, to be honest about it, I usually sit here in a desert camo t-shirt and jeans when I’m at home blogging but since See-BS News’ ratings have dropped so badly since the recent fiasco broke, we want to help. We recommend Dan Rather start wearing the Official Barking Moonbat News Uniform (pictured below). These pajamas come with “feet” which might help Mr. Rather avoid putting his foot further into his mouth (and we think the rubber duckies are so appropriate for Mr. Rather).
Holding Penalty
John Kerry’s campaign is in deep shit now. In addition to attacks from the Swift Boat Veterans For Truth, there is a new 527 group that is outraged at Kerry and recent statements he has made. They are called Football Fans For Truth. They are blowing the whistle on Kerry’s statement while campaigning in Michigan that he roots for the University Of Michigan Buckeyes and later in Wisconsin he claimed the Green Bay Packers play at “Lambert Field”.
In a related story, CBS News claimed to have memos reportedly showing President Bush failed to live up to his obligations to finish the final year of his little league season in 1954.
OK, I made that last one up.
Late Night Humor
Leno:
“A lot of new shows premiering this week. CBS has a new news magazine coming out .. it’s called “Dan Rather’s Believe It or Not.”
“You all know CBS, which stands for ‘Can’t Believe Story.’”
“You know what’s interesting - while President Bush was speaking to the National Guard about Iraq, I think he got a little confused. Like at one point he ordered the carpet bombing of the Aladdin Hotel.”
“You know who’s in Vegas tomorrow to talk to the National Guard, John Kerry. Imagine Bush and Kerry in Vegas at the same time. Imagine Bush and Kerry at the black jack table? One can’t decide if he wants another card, the other can’t count to 21.”
“John Kerry campaigned in Wisconsin today. It was reported he had a huge cheese head on. Turns out that was his actual head.”
“As you know, we’ve been having some wild weather, and that could affect the vote on Election Day. For example: if there’s a hurricane in Texas, Kerry could win. If there’s a rainstorm in Massachusetts, Bush could win. And if it “snows in hell”, Ralph Nader will win.”
“Governor Schwarzenegger has passed a new law - it is now illegal in California to have sex with a corpse. There goes Tipper Gore’s weekend.”
Letterman:
Top Ten Things Dan Rather Would Never Say On The CBS Evening News ....
10. I’m Dan Rather, your love anchor.
9. Connie, mind if I borrow your mascara?
8. Wanna buy a fake Rolex?
7. And now a report from our White House correspondent, Howie Mandel.
6. Maybe Letterman ought to spend some of that big-time TV money on better wigs.
5. That’s the news, I’m Oprah Winfrey.
4. Hey, let’s bomb Alaska!
3. Honey, I’ll be home soon--have the tequila ready.
2. Good evening. I’m Dan Rather and I’m not wearing pants.
1. I made that last story up.
OMIGOD!!! We can only hope this is true!
Just read this. Do it!!! You won’t regret it.
Then when you come to paragraph 10 tell me you don’t feel as ecstatic as I do at the prospect that all these losers may actually check out after Bush wins in November.
Will it be like Alec Baldwin, though, promising to do something but never following through? Hell, I wrote to Alec and to that other Hollyweirdo asshole, Robert Altman, telling them I would gladly pay their airfare if they’d get the fuck out of the country----for good.
This is a better deal--for me. It’s cheaper. I’ll volunteer to lend these sorry gene pool-fouler assbites my pistol and as many bullets as they need to finish the job.
Man, I feel better already just thinking about the prospect of this taking place! 
on 09/16/2004 at 04:22 PM
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