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calendar   Tuesday - May 04, 2010

Lost on Lost

So sad. After 5 3/4 seasons, with just 3 episodes to go after tonight’s show broadcast, I’m lost on LOST.

Frankly tonight’s episode sucked. Locke double-double crossing Sawyer and Jack? Good, but expected. After all, Smokey is evil incarnate, and any decent evil grand vizier can plan two steps ahead. I expected no less than that from FLocke (Fake Locke, since he’s been dead for quite some time now) and he didn’t let me down. It didn’t make sense why he went all smoke monster to kill one bunch of guards, but then did in the next bunch while in bullet proof man form, but at least FLocke can shoot. Everybody else on this show got their marksmanship training from the A-Team.

But the submarine? Oh. Please. Just too much to handle. After a casual mid-afternoon hijacking, fire fight, and emergency crash dive, Sayid takes the bomb - a good 12 pounds of C4 - and without even a decent exit line, runs away from the group through several open bulkhead doors. And closes none of them. And the sub has been diving for a couple minutes now. Granted they dove while still motoring away from the lagoon, but it’s got to be a couple hundred feet down at this point. And ... BOOM!, Sayid goes all splodeydope, but for a good reason this time.

The sub is not somehow broken in half by a charge big enough to rip a new garage door sized hole right through an ocean liner. Everyone on board is not somehow turned into red mashed potatoes by the overpressure. No, it just causes the sub to start leaking and tilt over a bit. The lights didn’t even blink. Uh. Huh. Riiight.

And worthless old Sun, who hasn’t said or done anything important in 20 episodes, her English speaking abilities magically restored the other week’s ep when she finally got her hearts-and-flowers reunion with lost-in-time husband Jin, gets pinned under some fallen equipment. Because nothing needs to be tied down on a sub, or even bolted or welded to the floor. So a big bit of electronics gives her the pinch. I guess the sub was too small for her to run away all girlie style and trip and sprain her ankle. And as the waters rise, she and Jin get their last dramatic scene in. “We go together like ramma lamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong, Remembered forever as shoo-bop sha whada whadda yippidy boom da boom, Chang chang changity chang shoo bop that’s the way it should be, Waooo Yeah!” Only with no music or dance moves.

Meanwhile, Frank Lapidus is running around the sinking sub, and stops to look out the big picture window. On a sub. Of course! Oooh lookie; fishies!! Wassamatta, couldn’t he look out the screen door instead? To my amazement, there’s no Patchy on the other side of the glass with a grenade, and no Charlie drawing Cliff Notes on his hand. For once. Creak, groan, GROAN and Frank says “Oh crap”. The window blows out, smooshes him, and in comes the water. End of Frank. Guess he really really isn’t going to Guam this time. And the sub continues to slowly sink - with one end blown open and a 6 foot hole where the window used to be at the other end, and all the interior hatches open. Blub blub, still plenty of time, blub, blub, better do something soon, blub, in your own time, blub.

Hurley takes worthless Kate and gets her to the surface with a little buddy breather bottle from the sub’s Rescue Rack. Which has 2. And a raincoat. To save the whole crew. Sure, she’s been shot, but it’s merely a shoulder wound, so she’s not going into shock or losing blood or anything. Benighted Saint Jack does the same thing with unconscious Sawyer and the other bottle ... and we don’t get to any of the dramatic and sexy grubby fat man/wounded hot chick or two hot guys underwater life saving buddy breathing lip action. Next scene, all four of them are on the beach. And it’s night. After a 10 minute boat ride from hell. Boo hoo, everyone else is dead. Jack, ever the asshole, has to go run into the water to shed a tear where no one can see him. Meanwhile, over in the jungle, FLocke grabs a gun and heads off. “Where are you going?” asks Claire ("crazy, but still hot” is about the best line Miles ever had, and he’s so right) “I’m going to finish what I started.” Cut to ... Bad Robot! End of ep.

I really try to cut Hollywood a lot of slack for the things they do for “dramatic necessity”, but this was just too much to swallow. Cheap. Lame. So “and then there were four”, except for the other dozen or so characters remaining, including Desmond who is still stuck in the well (assuming he wasn’t shot by Sayid) and just 3 episodes to go.

Are we there yet? Is it over yet? I can’t wait. You know Hurley is going to win this thing, and that Jack will be the new Jacob, against his old nemesis Flocke. We’ve been seeing that eternal conflict for 5 seasons already. Teaser for next week - FLocke playing backgammon. Again.

Waaaaaalt!!


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Posted by Drew458   United States  on 05/04/2010 at 09:27 PM   
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