BMEWS
 
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calendar   Tuesday - October 26, 2004

If Only He Were Alive Today

If Patton were alive today he might be saying this to the RNC:

...Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won an election by voting for the other candidate. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard vote for his candidate. Men, all this stuff you’ve heard about Republicans not wanting to fight - wanting to stay out of the mud-slinging, is a lot of horse dung. Republicans traditionally love to fight.

All real Republicans love the sting of elections. When you were kids, you all admired the champion marble shooter, the fastest runner, big league ball players, the toughest boxers.

Young Dems were getting creamy over a damn debate champion. How French is THAT?

Republicans love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Republicans play to win all the time. I wouldn’t give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed, or won and then banged a damn intern. That’s why Republicans have not lost and will not lose this election, because the very thought of losing is hateful to Republicans.

Now, a political party is a team - it lives, eats, polls, canvases as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap… Now, we have the finest food and laptops, the best looking women, and the best lawyers in the world. You know, by god, I actually pity those poor bastards we’re goin’ up against. By god, I do. We’re not just gonna defeat the bastards, we’re going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the levers of our polling booths. We’re going to shred those lousy Dem bastard’s punch card ballots by the bushel.

Now, some of you boys, I know, are wondering whether or not you’ll chicken out from the FEC. Don’t worry about it. I can assure you that you will all do your duty. The Democrats are the enemy. Wade into them, tear their banners, kick over their signs. When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend’s Bush/Cheney sign, you’ll know what to do.

Now there’s another thing I want you to remember. I don’t want to get any messages saying that we are holding our poll numbers. We’re not holding anything. Let the Dem do that. We are advancing constantly and we’re not interested in holding onto anything except the opposition. We’re going to hold onto him by the nose and we’re gonna kick him in the ass. We’re going to kick the hell out of him all the time and we’re gonna go through him like crap through a goose. And forget about what you read in the paper, there ain’t a one of ‘em ever shot a goose in his damned life.

Now, there’s one thing that you men will be able to say when you get back home, and you may thank god for it. Thirty years from now when you’re sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee, and he asks you: ‘What did you do in the Great Election of 04?’, you won’t have to say: ‘Well, I didn’t stuff ballots in Ohio, or vote at least twice in Florida.’

All right, now you sons-of-bitches, you know how I feel and I will be proud to lead you wonderful guys into caucus anytime, anywhere. That’s all.

(thanks to various sources for this! You know who you are!)


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Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler   United States  on 10/26/2004 at 09:07 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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Oh, and here's some kind of visitor flag counter thingy. Hey, all the cool blogs have one, so I should too. The Visitors Online thingy up at the top doesn't count anything, but it looks neat. It had better, since I paid actual money for it.
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