Wednesday - September 08, 2004

Hump Day Ha-Ha’s

Before I head to the airport I just HAD to share these from last night’s Late Shows.

From Leno:

==Here’s an interesting fact, the Republican Convention boosted the New York economy $255 million. But the Democratic Convention in Boston only netted it $14.8 million. People wonder why it was so much less? Sure, Democrats don’t like spending their own money.

==John Kerry has a new theme to his campaign, he says the “W” in George W. Bush stands for “wrong”. The wrong direction, the wrong policy. Gee I wonder if Bush will say the “F” in John “F” Kerry stands for “flip-flop”. Are these guys running for president of the 8th grade?

==Well I’m sure you all heard the good news – President Clinton’s heart operation was a complete success and he’s expected to make a full recovery. He’s really doing well. In fact, he’s up and walking. In fact today Clinton was seen roaming the building with his hospital gown on backwards. He’s baaaaaack!

==The nurses have a nicknamed him “Sponge Bill No Pants”.

==The doctors said, this is an amazing after open heart surgery, that Clinton could leave the hospital in four to five days. Although he told Hillary “I’m gonna be here for about three months.”

==As you know, this whole thing came as quite a shock to most people because when you see Clinton, he looks great, doesn’t he? He’s slim, he’s trim, he looks like the picture of health. Here’s my question – what the hell is keeping Michael Moore alive?

==Today John Kerry rushed to the hospital with chest pains after seeing his latest poll numbers. Oh man, doesn’t look good.

==Bush is up 10 points, 11 points. Doesn’t look good. Not only is Bush ahead overall, he’s also ahead in a lot of key issues like Iraq, terrorism and the economy. But Kerry is ahead on grammar and pronunciation, and overall nuance.

==John Kerry called Bill Clinton Saturday night at the hospital. They said that Clinton talked to Kerry for 90 minutes giving him advice. Clinton reportedly told Kerry to stop talking about Vietnam. Not during the campaign. Just during the phone call. “Will you stop? I’m in the hospital.”

==(Talking about the new Kitty Kelly book) That is quite a claim that Bush did cocaine and marijuana. And you know who’s going to get hurt by this? John Kerry – well sure, this means Bush could carry California.

From Letterman

==There’s a new book out that says President Bush used marijuana while in the National Guard. When President Bush heard the news he said, “See I told you I was in the National Guard!”

==President Bill Clinton is recovering from bypass surgery. The doctors say he’ll be able to have sex in two weeks – and Hillary said, “If he does, I’ll kill him!”

==He’s recovering nicely though. He’s already hit on a chubby nurse.

==Who would have thought that his heart would be the first organ to go out?

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 09/08/2004 at 04:17 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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