Thursday - August 20, 2015

going down the gutters

Skunked again in Summer League. We lost the final week of regular bowling last week, 2-5, then had to face the same team again in the semi-finals. But hey, we were looking forward to trouncing them because the league bylaws said “no subs in the finals”. Or so we thought. Which means they couldn’t bring in a ringer, and would have to field whoever on their team who actually showed up.

But when we were getting ready for the warm up, who do we see but our anchor’s daughter, surprise, logging in for the other team. But she’s a sub! Oh God, time for the drama llamas.  So we take the rules to the boss man, and he explains that what he meant was, no new subs in the finals; all of them have to have an established average by that point. Right. No bowling for averages (something you do the first couple weeks of the season) during the last 2 weeks of the season. Makes sense. Right. Except that isn’t how he wrote it. Difference between a semi-colon and a period, different sentence structure as well. I hate having to play Constitutional Scholar at bowling league because people can’t write a coherent sentence or two to express themselves properly. Fine, so let the girl play. She’s a nice young woman, and a pretty good bowler to boot. But it really cranked her mom. Score one for our opponents, total psyche out before we even rolled a ball.

And then my team dove headfirst into the mire. All night long. Hey, I rolled my average or a little better, so don’t blame me. Our noob, who now carries a 101 average after 15 weeks of bowling and plenty of practice sessions with his girlfriend, our anchor, rolled FORTY ONE UNDER. Unholy toasted satanic kittehs, he threw a friggin SIXTY. 6. 0. 60. Five year old children throw a 60. Usually more. We were doomed. But it’s couples bowling, so what are you going to do? “yay buddy, go buddy, you can do it, rah rah rah” as he hammers the gutter frame after frame. It’s not like the lane isn’t 4 feet wide. All you have to do is stay on the thing and you’ll get some pins. Nope. Lost it by 48. So that was Game 1.

Miss Anchor and I both got a hambone in Game 2 ( XXXX aka a 4-gasm or a 4-bagger ) and our soulmates didn’t do too poorly, so we took that one by about 11 I think.

Game 3 and our opponents weren’t even trying. They were half drunk, and slagging the balls all over. It didn’t matter. We were up by 87 in the 6th frame, enough to wake a slim glimmer of hope that we could not only win a second game, but also hold the margin and capture wood. Oh please. Who am I fooling? The moment we start trying to win, out comes the suck in all it’s multi-colored glory. And in the 7th frame we started getting managed. It’s the classic spot to “rally” in. Even if you’re just pretending to. Suddenly, instead of 1s and 3s and gutter balls, they’re hitting strikes. Really? Where’d this shit come from? And they ate up our lead, and ate our lunch, stole our milk money, and kicked our school books in the dirt. Waaah!! By which I mean we lost, and lost hard, so that we weren’t even close to getting wood. So we’re sinking to the bottom of the standings faster than ever.

I know, I know. Summer league. Fun league. Not so competitive. Having fun. Trying. Almost like Date Night, only without the anticipation of anything afterwards.  At least I’m pretty sure we’ll face a different team next week. And then Winter League starts, for which we have only half a team.

I’m giving serious thought to just joining a singles league. That’s not bowling for the relationship-free folks, that’s bowling as a Team Of One. I’m tired of the let downs. A 60. JJCOAPS. A friggin 60.

Posted by Drew458     on 08/20/2015 at 05:30 PM   
Filed Under: • Bowling Blogging •  
• Comments (1) • Trackbacks(0)  Permalink •  

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It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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