BMEWS
 
Death once had a near-Sarah Palin experience.

calendar   Wednesday - December 24, 2008

Gift wrapping with your parrot.  It’s a tad longish BUT it is FUNNY!

WHAT?  YOU HAD SOMETHING ELSE BETTER TO DO THIS LATE ON CHRISTMAS EVE?
This is funny and H/T Thorolf with thanks.

Gift wrapping with your parrot

1.  Clear large space on table for wrapping present.

2.  Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained and shut door.

3.  Open door and remove bird from closet and put back on stand.

4.  Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

5.  Go back and remove bird from cupboard, place on stand again.

6.  Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.

7.  Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table.

8.  Go back to drawer to get string, remove bird that has been in the drawer since last visit and collect string, being sure to untangle bird from it and place back in cage this time.

9.  Remove present from bag.

10.  Remove bird from bag.

11.  Open box to check present, remove bird from box. Replace present as well as replacing lock on bird cage that bird unlocked.

12.  Lay out paper to determine size to cut.

13.  Try to smooth out paper, realize bird is underneath, unlock cage, actually put bird in cage this time and get back to work.

14.  Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.

15.  Throw away first sheet as bird chased the scissors, and tore the paper.

16.  Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting bird in the bag the present came in.

17.  Place present on paper.

18.  Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don’t reach. Realize bird is between present and paper. Remove bird again.

19.  Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent sticky tape.

20.  Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from bird while getting the beak of death as tape pulls on feathers. Place band-aids on hands and nose.

21.  Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.

22.  Look for roll of ribbon. Chase bird down hall in order to retrieve ribbon.

23.  Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.

24.  Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to bird’s enthusiastic ribbon chase.

25.  Repeat steps 13 - 20 until you reach last sheet of paper.

26.  Decide to skip steps 13 - 17 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper and any more skin. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the right size for sheet of paper.

27.  Put present in box and tie down with string.

28.  Remove string, open box and remove bird.

29.  Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for a room with lock.

30.  Once inside locking room, lock door and start to relay out paper and materials.

31.  Remove bird from box, unlock door, put bird in cage, close and relock.

32.  Repeat previous step as often as necessary (until you can hear bird from outside door!).

33.  Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small area of the toilet, but do your best!).

34.  Discover bird has already torn paper. Unlock door, go out and hunt through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year’s paper. Remembering that you haven’t got any left because bird helped with this last year as well.

35.  Return to lockable room, lock door and sit on toilet and try to make torn sheet of paper look presentable.

36.  Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst areas.

37.  Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on completing a difficult job.

38.  Unlock door and go to kitchen to make drink and feed bird.

39.  Spend 15 minutes looking for bird until coming to obvious conclusion.

40.  Unwrap present, untie box and remove bird.

41.  Go to store and buy a gift bag

Cheers all and have a safe if it’s gonna be Merry. 


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Posted by peiper   United Kingdom  on 12/24/2008 at 09:46 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
Comments (4) Trackbacks(0)  Permalink •  
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