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calendar   Tuesday - November 02, 2004

Election Shenanigans

In Atlanta, babies were not allowed in the polling centers with John Kerry clothing. George Bush cowboy boots are another matter entirely.

If you’re approached by a pollster while voting today, here are ten great things you can say to them. Besides, the obligatory “f**k you”, “eat s**t” and “I voted for Nader”.

If you really want to have a good time, put on a John Kerry T-shirt and a George Bush mask and go scream like a loon outside your polling center. But when the cops show up, don’t think for a minute that “the devil made me do it” is a viable defense.

The first final returns are in .... from Guam. George Bush beats John Kerry by 17,264 to 9,540. Who the f**k is Campagna Badnarik and why did 53 Guamanians vote for him (her?). I’m confused.

Alaskans today are also voting on whether to totally legalize the possession and sale of marijuana. Democrats claim if the bill passes, Alaskans will be too stoned to notice evil Republicans stealing all of the oil in ANWR. Governor of Alaska was unavailable for comment .. reportedly in “doobie session” with legislature.

Tom Dasshole has filed a lawsuit to stop evil Republicans from writing down license plate numbers of Indians voting in South Dakota. Judge immediately grants the restraining order after Dasshole explains the Indians are afraid the white men are stealing their souls by writing down their tag numbers. So Sioux Me!

In eleven states (Mississippi, Montana, Oregon, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Michigan, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma and Utah) voters get to cast their vote either for or against gay marriage as part of their state’s Constitution. North Dakota’s gay population (approximately 2) are outraged.

Headline Of The Day: “World Riveted By US Election”. Riveted? Dear World: get a fucking life, OK?

In Paris, US citizens living abroad are staying up with their French comrades to celebrate a Kerry victory. Memo to those US citizens in Paris: if Kerry wins, don’t even think about coming home. The Revolution begins the minute Bush concedes.

In New Jersey, someone spilled salt on the floor at a polling center and they evacuated the building, thinking it was anthrax. And here I thought salt was only this effective when applied to a bird’s tail.

And finally, porn star Seymour Butts is promising to give away free DVDs to anyone who shows up at New York’s Times Square Virgin Megastore with proof that they voted in today’s US presidential election. You just can’t make shit like this up. You just have to be patient and the story will come to you. Feel the Force, Luke.

My Projection for the Election .... Bush - 262 Electoral Votes, Kerry - 261 Electoral Votes .... the contest will be decided by the US House Of Representatives .... Democrats will claim they were robbed again .... four more years of whining and pouting .... Vilmar and I finally crack and start taking out Liberal pinheads with sniper attacks .... after being caught and tried, we will be sentenced to five hours of community service by Conservative judge. That is all. Carry on.

Note: Just kidding about the sniper shit. Bwah-hah-ha-ha-ha ....


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Posted by The Skipper   United States  on 11/02/2004 at 03:38 PM   
Filed Under: • Democrats-Liberals-Moonbat LeftistsHumor •  
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:
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Oh, and here's some kind of visitor flag counter thingy. Hey, all the cool blogs have one, so I should too. The Visitors Online thingy up at the top doesn't count anything, but it looks neat. It had better, since I paid actual money for it.
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