Monday - December 18, 2006

Discussion: Women As Sexual Predators?

I have strong feelings about this for several reasons: (1) Any man who has ever been in divorce court (I’ve been there four times) knows women are not sexual predators but are financial predators - they will clean you out in a heartbeat; (2) One of my first sexual experiences was with a gal who was twelve years older than me - I was 14 at the time and I am eternally grateful for what she taught me; (3) When did teenage boys forget Man Rule #1: KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT?

I’m not trying to say there are “good” sexual predators and “bad” sexual predators but it seems to me that trying to equate a 26-year-old female teacher having sex with a 14-year-old teenage boy is just not the same as the opposite. Maybe it’s my Southern heritage that still tends to think of girls as a protected gender while boys are pretty much on their own.

Does that make me a male chauvinist pig? Am I not taking into account the “fact” that boys have feelings too that can be hurt? Is this more “pussification” of the modern male or is there a case to be made for locking up older women (in their 20’s) for taking advantage of the raging testosterone that has every teenage boy in its grip?

Help me out here, people. This is an open discussion and I need some answers. What do you think? Get it off your chest (or breasts). Are 26-year-old teachers “sexual predators”? If not, then do we have a double standard? What is the answer ... ?

Many Still Don’t See Women As Sex Predators
Boys can have trouble eliciting sympathy — when they’re willing to come forward
_{(HOUSTON CHRONICLE) - Dec. 17, 2006, 12:37AM}

Diana’s grandson came to her with his secret on a Thursday evening. School had just started after another humid summer, and she and the 14-year-old, whose parents had their bowling league that night, finished cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. She took a glass of iced tea and her cigarette pack outside for a smoke.

Minutes later, he followed. The boy said he had something to tell her, something that had been bothering him for many months. And that’s when things changed. “He had broke down,” recalled Diana, who asked that her last name be withheld to protect her family’s identity. “And he told me about it.”

Diana won’t say exactly what “it” was. But the Harris County Sheriff’s Office detailed the teenager’s disclosure in criminal reports this fall. Her grandson, a football player who speaks in ma’ams and sirs, said he had been sexually abused the year before, when he was 13, by a woman nearly 20 years his senior.

She was a former neighbor and his mother’s close friend in Highlands, the small town just east of Pasadena where his family once lived. The pair had sex at least twice and sexual contact another time, according to the reports.

The teenager had been saving himself for marriage, he later told his grandmother. He worried that God might not forgive what he did. Police arrested Deborah Joyce Lux, 33, in September and charged her with two felony sexual assaults of children: one in connection with Diana’s grandson and a second in connection with another teenager, a then-15-year-old boy from Highlands who also said he had sex with her.

.........................

Shifts in the legal system and public opinion have made it easier to prosecute women who molest boys in their pubescent years, experts say. And cases continue to draw public attention. But those who work closely with victims such as Diana’s grandson say rite-of-passage myths still make it hard for many, including jurors, to sympathize with older boys in such cases, who are also less likely to tell parents or police about abusive relationships with older women.

Pam Hobbs, who heads the children’s court services program in Harris County district courts, said she’s seen police and prosecutors taking underage boys’ allegations more seriously in the past decade. Potential jurors, though, are another matter. “The general public still does not let boys be victims like they do girls,” said Hobbs, a 23-year veteran of the department. “And I don’t think they hold the offenders as accountable when the offender is a female.”

.........................

When the nightly news began broadcasting stories about Lux, some residents expressed shock, quickly calling her a child abuser. But doubters are still easy to find. Pam Ward bartends at The Sunset, a dimly lit beer joint in the one-highway town. News of the abuse was the talk among her patrons for a few days, she said. Most knew only about the older boy, and few had sympathy for him.

“My own kids said, ‘Why did he even say anything? It was kind of cool,’ “ Ward said. Ward grew up in an age when few believed women could sexually abuse boys. Her own son, now grown, dated a 42-year-old when he was 16, she said.

Historically, many statutory rape laws applied only to female victims. But in the late 1970s, state laws, including Texas’, began to change. Alabama waited until the turn of the century to adopt gender-neutral language.

.........................

Often police find out through friends or family members. That’s what happened with the older boy involved with Lux. Lilly, the child-abuse detective, said he got dozens of calls from the boy’s mother saying her son was raped, but the high school student didn’t want to talk at first.

“A lot of times, it’s their parents that come forward, and, a lot of times, the males are very upset about that,” Lilly said. “(For) 15-, 16-year-old males, that female is a trophy. To them, that is lifelong bragging rights.”

Counselors say societal pressure can keep boys from expressing discomfort. Many times, they may have crushes on an older teacher or neighbor but aren’t ready for the adult sexual relationship that follows, counselors say. It’s only later that they realize the adverse effects.

“In my experience, men do not come to treatment as adolescents for these things,” Gartner said. “They are more likely to come to treatment on their own in their 20s — or more likely their 30s, 40s or 50s.”

.........................

Diana saw subtle changes in her grandson months before she knew what caused them. For one, his grades dropped. He also developed a “nasty attitude.” “He does not want to talk about it,” she said. “He wants to forget about it.”

This, too, is typical of male victims. Carine Meyer, a sexual assault services coordinator at the Houston Area Women’s Center, said the center recently started a group-therapy session for male sexual abuse survivors. Fewer than five attended.

“It is hard for them to let themselves be vulnerable and admit that someone could have had control over them,” she said. “Teenage boys especially are very resistant to admitting they were abused.”

Posted by The Skipper     on 12/18/2006 at 01:15 PM   
Filed Under: • Sex •  
• Comments (9) • Trackbacks(0)  Permalink •  

DISCLAIMER

THE SERVICES AND MATERIALS ON THIS WEBSITE ARE PROVIDED "AS IS" AND THE HOSTS OF THIS SITE EXPRESSLY DISCLAIMS ANY AND ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, TO THE EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF SATISFACTORY QUALITY, MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, WITH RESPECT TO THE SERVICE OR ANY MATERIALS.

Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

1. Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
2. Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
3. Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
4. Keep talking to each other, whether here or elsewhere

It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

THE INFORMATION AND OTHER CONTENTS OF THIS WEBSITE ARE DESIGNED TO COMPLY WITH THE LAWS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. THIS WEBSITE SHALL BE GOVERNED BY AND CONSTRUED IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE LAWS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA AND ALL PARTIES IRREVOCABLY SUBMIT TO THE JURISDICTION OF THE AMERICAN COURTS. IF ANYTHING ON THIS WEBSITE IS CONSTRUED AS BEING CONTRARY TO THE LAWS APPLICABLE IN ANY OTHER COUNTRY, THEN THIS WEBSITE IS NOT INTENDED TO BE ACCESSED BY PERSONS FROM THAT COUNTRY AND ANY PERSONS WHO ARE SUBJECT TO SUCH LAWS SHALL NOT BE ENTITLED TO USE OUR SERVICES UNLESS THEY CAN SATISFY US THAT SUCH USE WOULD BE LAWFUL.

Copyright © 2004-2015 Domain Owner