Sunday - January 26, 2014

cranky pants

Damnation.

I want to have a cup of tea. Is that asking too much? Just a damn cup of tea.

We have a tea caddy overflowing with tea bags. We have 4 boxes of tea in the closet, and an airtight plastic box full of the stuff.

We have a Pillsbury Doughboy ceramic countertop sculpture 2 feet tall. His head comes off and he’s hollow inside. Maybe he’s supposed to be a cookie jar? Whatever. He’s filled with tea bags.

Green tea. Herb tea. Decaffeinated green herb tea. Camomile. Rose hips. Licorice. Spice. Several kinds of Indian Chai, which is actually quite good, but it’s just not a proper cuppa. Anti-oxidant green tea. Morning Thunder. Evening Bliss. Sweet Dreams. Medicinal tea. Tea for drinking while you soak in the tub while gently illuminated by organic beeswax candles. You name it.

We have enough faggola healtharama blends and hippie-dippy herbal-gerbil varieties of powdered crap in porous bags to open a fucking commune in Seattle. Groovy baby; peace, love, and granola. Like, wow. 4 kinds of sugar too, plus that cactus juice agave nectar stuff. And don’t even get me started on the “milk” in the fridge; apparently science has figured out how to milk almonds, coconuts, and soybeans. Probably clams and tigers too if I look hard enough. Cows? WTF are cows? No hay vacas aqui senor!

Not one damn actual tea bag in the whole place. God forbid actual loose tea in a tin. No English Breakfast, no Irish Breakfast, no Earl Gray. No Tetley. No bags from the Chinese take-out. No Typhoo, no Yorkshire. PG Tips? Are you effin’ kidding me??

Finally I found an ancient, dessicated, stained, and seemingly chewed on packet of Lipton. Mixing that with one citrusy Constant Comment gave me something hot and brown in a mug. It did leave a rime around the cup, as if I’d invited a muddy hippo into the swimming pool. Pretty gross.

guess I’m feeling better if I can manage the effort to get pissy over a lack of tea. Hey, I even peeled the sheets off the bed and dragged a pile of laundry down to the wash. And then I went back and gathered up the snowstorm of used tissues off the floor.

yeah, definitely getting better. Better enough to be seriously pissed off that I went through what I went through: hello, WTF was all this medicine doing for me?? What, curled up on the bathroom floor at 4am, leaking exponentially from both ends as I gasped for breath and fully expected to drown in my own mucus, coughing so hard I felt like I broke my ribs and put my back out, that was supposed to happen? So glad I was on all those pills then! Wouldn’t want to know what things would have been like without them.

Posted by Drew458     on 01/26/2014 at 11:10 PM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
• Comments (6) • Trackbacks(0)  Permalink •  

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