Woman! Thy Name is Stupid!
on 07/25/2011 at 11:04 AM
Good luck with that: there is no such thing as a really squirrel proofed home or yard. If the little tree rats want in, and they always do, then they will get in. Don’t try to match wits with them because they will win. They are far more devious than you could ever be.
Tree rats are Satan’s little warriors. Don’t give them the lame “oh they’re just animals” excuse. They are nasty, evil, conniving little bastards who hold meetings at night thinking up ways to screw with you and degrade your life. If all else fails they will throw themselves in front of your car hoping to cause an accident. Being small demons in cheap fur coats, they don’t care if they get hit, because there are always 4000 more squirrels where that one came from.
They will eat your plants, dig up your bulbs, chew holes through asphalt shingles, tear their way through aluminum flashing, eat your wires, gnaw through wood boards and vinyl siding, and dig their way under any fence you put in, not matter how deep you bury one end in the ground. And the very moment they get inside your house they will breed. And breed.
The only thing that really stops them is an accurate .22 rifle, two bricks of HP ammo, and eternal vigilance. Several large barn cats that can hunt as a team can help a little too.
I had a wife like that too, as luck would have it she left! Im half way htrough proving to my son that is is often a good idea to listen to dad! Reason she left? I put my foot down and made things go my way for a change, we lived inside my budget and she could not stand it???? we throw very little away food wise now! maybe 10% of what she threw, good luck chris!
Posted by Chris Edwards
07/25/2011 at 10:36 PM
Patching is a waste or so it seems, they chew through the patch the next day. There is a secret though, red pepper. Mix a box of it into your gallon of paint. tree rats hate the stuff. Be liberal with it even if it is the only liberal act you perform in your life.
The bonus side is that if they eat through, you get meat preseasoned.Tree rats are Satan’s little warriors
Love it, Drew. We have them annoying our garden - since we have a nature preserve behind (300 plush acres w/ a creek for breeding/hiding pleasure) and a neighbor next door with a gazillion bird feeders (in between two gardeners - wonder if Connie has said anything about her aiding and abetting the enemy?).
This year they are at a real loss - as there is no garden and the fruit trees are bare. Hopefully that will keep them from our yard - but I still see them around.
I had to get rid of some large chunk dry cat food (I thought it would keep the psychotic cat from doing his bulimia thing - neither of the kitty litter would touch it) - so I put it out for the neighbor’s outside cat - WRONG. We got opossum, a raccoon family (who appear to have taken up residence in our yard - as they have been sighted a number of times this year) - so I stopped that.
Yes (I am a woman) and yes some of us can and do learn. I hate women drivers - only good thing about dating a ‘car guy’ while in HS - he taught me how to drive a manual transmission (man I wish we could afford one of those right now), take care of a car and to drive properly. And I as I watch tv - I constantly wonder how men can put up with the crappola most women spew - have many more men friends than women friends as I can’t deal at all.
I hate squirrels and birds, but even more so ground hogs - they are the bane of my existence - but we haven’t declared full out war on them, yet. We do want to keep some fresh food on the hoof/paw - If Obama keeps on keeping on in the destruction of the economy. It is just right outside our door.
wardmama, I also, at the tender age of 36 (her age, I was 30), taught my wife to drive a stick shift. She evidently enjoyed the lessons, because when she bought her first car, on her own, without even informing her husband (I found out when the insurance bill came), she bought a manual transmission Jeep Liberty. I guess women really do like the control? One day I’ll try to explain how to down-shift…
Previously she’d only owned automatic Ford F-150’s. Hand-me-downs from her mother. I hated to drive those, I kept pressing the non-existant clutch.
Anyway, I see you had much the same problem: put out cat food, get opossums, raccoons, etc. I note you don’t have skunk yet. I do! Yeah, cute but smelly!
I did find a local handyman who showed up yesterday with a quote. A quote that was far less than I was willing to pay. He showed up today, fixed the problem, and then gave me a 5-year warranty. If ‘Satan’s little warriors’ show up at that point in the next five years, he’ll come back and fix it for free.
Honest! He wrote that in his own hand on the receipt!
Drew - your second paragraph was worthy of the Skipper - I haven’t laughed nor enjoyed the visual pictures in such a long time - just plain great.
Chris I only listen to my husband when we are next to each other in the same room - We are both that way - total silence is not that far off for either of us.
I have to second wardmama. Don’t hold back, Drew. Tell us what you really think! I’m gonna post that paragraph on my Facebook page.
One more thing Drew. Thank you! I’m one of those idiots who’ve been writing a book since high school. Mine is actually done and I’m gonna start shopping for a publisher. You gave me a great title:
Small Demons in Cheap Fur Coats.
Perfect! It’s one of those absurd fiction novels kinda like what Christopher Moore writes. I needed a title. Thank you. If it does get published, you’ll get an autographed copy of the first run. (I wouldn’t hold my breath though…)
I might also steal it for my next personal blog. The SDiCFC.com?
The mind boggles at the opportunities to use it!
Photoshop contest on FARK? Subject: Small demons in cheap fur coats. I think I’ll submit that to FARK.
While I love the idea Chris - please leave me to my own visual imagery - it was just so vivid and laugh out loud greatness. As is said - the key to great humor is a bit of truth.
Good luck on the book - and let us know if you get it published.
