why i haven’t been to the movies in a decade

 

1. Time for a bit of levity on Iowa goes trolling night;
   “What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.”
   -- Redd Foxx
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   “What hangs at a man’s thigh and wants to poke the hole that it’s often poked before? Answer: A key.”
   -- Oldest known English joke, 10th century
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   One in four Californians also were not born in the United States; more than one in four who enter the hospital for any cause are found upon admittance to suffer from Type II diabetes. The unspoken responsibility of California state government is to bring state-sponsored parity to new arrivals from Oaxaca, and to do so in ideological fashion that ensures open borders and more government. It is the work of a sort of secular church, and questioning its premises is career-ending blasphemy.
   -- VDH in California of the Dark Ages
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   OK, the last one is actually the funniest but feel free to choose your favorite.
   

   Oh, BTW, all the above courtesy of the folks at Ace of Spades.

   Posted by Rich K       02/02/2016  at  02:10 AM  



2. Does God exist? This ancient question just won’t go away. Since human history began, as soon as someone thought he had the answer, someone else came along to challenge it. The question endures, and now rests in the ether, waiting to spring on college students, retreating after the age of thirty, surfacing for the odd cocktail party, and reemerging with full force in the “philosophical years.” But before we discuss this complicated question, let me introduce myself. I’m Toby, the talking horse.
   Being a talking horse leaves me with plenty of time to ponder these big issues. No one rides me, because I just tell them to get off. So there’s a lot of standing time. Sometimes I sing at night, to pass the hours; sometimes I court the little beauty in the next pasture, Lily. Sometimes I develop powers, which is fun. In fact, right now you are not reading this; you only think you are. You are actually calling your bank by Touch-Tone phone and transferring all your money to my account.

   Mostly, though, I do anagrams in my head, like many other horses. When you see a horse standing in a field staring at you, he’s really rearranging letters in his head: “tide, diet, edit. ...” It’s a horsy thing to do. So the first thing I do with a question as big as the one we’re talking about is pass it through my head and rearrange the letters. “Does ... odes ... “ Not much there. Then there’s the obvious “god ... dog,” and the fruitless “exist.” Engaging in this little neurotic exercise enables me to move on to the next step.

   Ask yourself this: Do I really need to know the answer to this question? I think if you are honest with yourself, you will realize that a yea-or-neigh answer wouldn’t really change your life much. Although a neigh might free up a lot of time now spent worshipping. In fact, I don’t imagine God is really keen on worshipping. You can take it from me, Toby the talking horse - he’s as humble as the next God, and a simple thank-you is all that’s required.

   Posted by Rich K       02/04/2016  at  12:18 AM  

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