Reader Participation
You love to get laid and don’t care WHO you get laid with, just as long as you get laid.
You are a woman who listens to her Vagina.
Posted by DR@HDfixit
02/16/2005 at 12:26 PM
You are REALLLY bummed that Teresa Kerry isn’t the first “lady”.
You demand the Bush ban on stem cell research be lifted, and you think stem cells live in a brain stem and there is no ban on stem cell research.
You are convinced that John Edwards can channel the voices of his clients who cannot speak.
You are hoping to go duck hunting with John Kerry.
...you know, I put together the following on my blog. Maybe it will help others get the creative juices flowing:
2004 - The Year in Haikus.
Global Warming
--------------
Earth cooks so they claim
Movie says it must be true
Damn, its cold outsideTed Kennedy
-----------
Fat drunken royalty
The splash, the drowning, the flee
He stays, we are foolsTeresa Heinz-Kerry
------------------
Once probably hot
Known never verbal restraint
Now the skank - poor John2004 Presidential Election
---------------------------
Copley Square parties early
Polls query women, minorities
Midnight rain, their hangoverDan Bin Rather
--------------
Bald face liberal whore
Boomerang of bias strikes his ass
The foot fits - eat itFrance
------
Once germane, now feckless
Like an aging barroom tart
The arrogance, the smellDiane Feinstein
---------------
Anti gun crusader fights
Disarms citizens, felons care not
She needs guns, you don’tPost 2004 Presidential Election
-------------------------------
Lib fury, blame the gays
Media elite cannot understand
Baldwin still won’t leaveMicheal Moore
-------------
Facts pesky, left is right
Cutting room floor the witness
Pass the doughnuts pleaseYasser Arafat
-------------
People poor, wife gaudy
French idol this terrorist pig
Did he bite pillows?The UN
------
Tin horns blast loud, clear
Zion, America suck! Saddam nice!
Send us more cash pleaseAmber Frey
----------
Nice guy but too good?
Fate twists, spotlight, peddle book
Keep your clothes on pleaseIndiana Pacers
--------------
I am sports hero, god
Hey! Hey! Who threw that beer?
Kick your ass, Mo FoRon Reagan’s Funeral
--------------------
Pageantry national grief
Loved by most, achievements vast
Clinton is pissedSwift Boat Veterans
-------------------
Not so fast Johnny
Cambodian Christmas? Not!
Kerry will ignore. OopsYou hate Pres. Bush more than Saddam Hussein.
You have faith in the UN, and believe Libya and Cuba rightly have a place on the Human Rights Commission.
You believe that oil is not worth going to war for.
Posted by Oink
02/16/2005 at 01:03 PM
You think you are going to Re-build and Re-energize the DNC and your name is Howard Dean.
Posted by DR@HDfixit
02/16/2005 at 01:10 PM
Your world view is formed around the writings of Noam Chomsky.
What the hell are you talking about OldCatMan?
We Non-Moonbats are always willing to compromise. It is Moonbats that haven’t got a clue and stick to the same old stupid ideas.Insanity is repeating something over and over expecting different results.
PS: That is because you are a douchbag.
REPEATING: You Are A Douchbag. But I mean that in a very respectful way and not to imply that there is anything wrong with douchbags.
Posted by DR@HDfixit
02/16/2005 at 01:47 PM
OLDCAT, I think of Bill Clinton as Richard Nixon with charisma. Consider it. I wouldn’t let him into my house until I blocked 900 phone access, hid the silverware, and sent my 16-year-old daughter to stay at her friend’s.
ALLAN, In wartime, medals for heroism are given for the ACT not the MAN. Your biggest shitbirds (in peacetime) win medals in wartime. If Kerry had come back from his tour, shut the f*ck up, and stayed out of politics, it would be clearer. I especially like the time he grounded the boat, chased the enemy and killed him.
Improving my contribution— You’re a BM if you’re more afraid of Bush than Saddam.
Posted by Oink
02/16/2005 at 02:01 PM
OCM, that’s all well and good but WHY do you hate George W. Bush? What did he ever do to you? What did he not do that you wish he had? I’m just curious ....
Oink, I have never been able to resolve in my mind the three purple hearts and he’s outta there. Four months, three scratches and he’s back home slandering his fellow warriors and running for Congress. That shit stinks worse than limburger cheese. I reserve the term “war hero” for men like Audie Murphy and Alvin York.
You watch the CBS Evening News with Dan Rather and find it to be a credible and unbiased source for hard news.
Posted by Noodles
02/16/2005 at 02:11 PM
OCM, yes we were at each other’s throats weren’t we? Hehehehe ....
Ahhhhh, those were the days ....
I’m glad we got the chance to work through our differences. I still think you’re a heathen infidel but deep down you’re OK.
Sorry for your confusion and the douchbag thing.
One compromise (aka: working together) was: President Bush working with Senator Kennedy on No Child Left Behind.
You do not really believe that Ted gave any ground on that do you? I don’t.Posted by DR@HDfixit
02/16/2005 at 02:41 PM
Medals for heroism are given for the act, not the man. If Kerry had come home, shut up, and stayed out of politics it would be clearer.
Three purple hearts makes you a fugitive from the law of averages. Leave. Even a boo-boo, means it had to be close.
Posted by Oink
02/16/2005 at 03:37 PM
Sorry to interrupt but for the list:
You feel you must to move to Canada - and further corrupt our gene pool.
-Dan D,
CanuckistanO.K. - After several shots of Cuervo Gold and uncounted Coronas, I present the following for your approval.
You start each day under a meditational pyramid, channelling universal forces through a amethyst crystal the size of a basketball.
You believe that John Edwards can find all your answers from “The Great Beyond”.
You think WTO and anti-globalisation protests are a good place to pick up chicks.
You learned to grow your own Class A ganga in a college horticulture class.
Your receiving instructions through your dog.
You believe that prairie dogs are endanger of becoming extinct.
You believe that Bob Marley is still alive and talking to you through your cat.
You agree with OldCat Man, and don’t like George W Bush.
You are channelling the spirit of the 40,000 year old neanderthal chief Oga Jacques Buga Chirac, and are receiving instructions to give your unwavering support to France.
You believe you are a “patriot” for supporting groups that would sell off American sovereignty for a more compassionate government under the thumb of UN guidance.
You beleive you are a “patriot” for espousing that America should become a Anarchist or Socialist or Communist State.
You eat Shrooms, Peyote Buds, or drop Acid to achieve a “higher state of consciousness”.
You think Kennedy is way too conservative.
You think the “Progressive Magazine” is a centrist publication.
You are really concerned that your mind is being controlled through “Psychotronic Waves” emitted from a satellites controlled by the VRWC.
You...................................................................................Knights Templar.
You...................................................................................Posse Comatatus.
You...................................................................................Vatican/Pope.
You...................................................................................Etc, Etc, Etc.
You...................................................................................All of the Above.You really believe that a Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie (AFDB) will stop the “Psychotronic Waves” from controlling your mind. BWAH HA HA HA. We members of the VRWC know better!!! BWAH HA HA HA HA HA.
You look forward to new developements in AFDB technology, and can’t wait until the “Superatomic AFDB” hits the marketplace.
You think that something is wrong with beautiful, educated women wanting to be “stay at home moms and good wives”.
You think “partial birth abortion on demand” is acceptable.
You think Howard Dean will be the “Savior of the DNC “. BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA, Oh My God, that calls for a drink!!
Well, that is enough for now.
Yours in the VRWC, Colorado Chapter.
LC GenoYou think the UN is doing a terrific job
You think the women of NOW are totally hot!!
So what if a few of the above are cribbed from “you may be a redneck if” ? I plagiarized Dennis Miller. This is mine, though hardly startlingly original, and someone may have already used it.
You man be a BM if you believe Iraq is just like Vietnam.
Posted by Oink
02/16/2005 at 04:37 PM
Hey, LC, there may be some hot chicks at WTO anti-globalization protests. (Albeit older) Barb........
Posted by Oink
02/16/2005 at 04:53 PM
You may be a BM if:
You believe that GWB is Hitler reincarnated.
You believe that the Boxing Day tsunami was the USA’s fault.
You maybe a BM if you:
Spell “women” “WOMYN”You thinK of Bill Clinton as “Our first black president” but see Condaleeza Rice and Clarence Thomas as “oreos”
You still claim that the only reason communism hasn’t worked is because it hasn’t been applied correctly.
You call murderous terrorists “freedom fighters”
You think the most important factoid about Washington and Jefferson is that they owned slaves.
You’re always looking for “root causes”.
You’re a Jew who hates Israel.
You’re certain that Halliburton owns the us.
You say that traditional Judeo-Christian values are the beginings of the “Bush Taliban” but that supports of radical Islam are just “misunderstood and the victims of racial/religous profiling”
You call the WWII internment/relocation camps “our concentration camps”
You don’t feel it’s right to “judge”
You say Hitler was a RIGHT winger.
Posted by Annoying Little Twerp
02/16/2005 at 06:18 PM
You join the military for the “educational and health benefits” and then are outright shocked when your country expects you to actually go fight a war.
Posted by Annoying Little Twerp
02/16/2005 at 06:31 PM
Mrs. Twerp
Correct me if I’m wrong, but are you not also “Mrs Barb” and did not “Oink” just take a most un-chivalrous shot at thy age. You must punish him properly, if that is the case.Thank for reminding me of that LC Geno.
Oink -flockin’ mind your manners or I’m gonna need to go IDF on your ass!!!
Posted by Annoying Little Twerp
02/16/2005 at 07:07 PM
Oink says, “Hey, LC, there may be some hot chicks at WTO anti-globalization protests.”
I would say, “Yes,” if your definition of “hot chicks” includes those with an aversion to using a razor on the legs, under the arms, and around the bikni line and substituting using copious amounts of pachouli oil for regular bathing...Woodstock, anybody?
IDF???..that can’t be good.
Of course, I meant you would be there as a mature sexy counter-protester. 
Posted by Oink
02/16/2005 at 07:20 PM
Your last name is Kennedy.
There is one good Kennedy,His name is Mark Kennedy and he makes the local moonbat press up here in Minnesota wet their pants.GOP rep BTW.Your initials are Ward Churchill.
You believe that you invented the internet.
You believe that an unarmed society is a safe society.
You believe that O.J. is innocent.
You believe that Democraps will elect either the first woman or minority U.S. President.
Posted by CT
02/16/2005 at 08:34 PM
You might be a BM if you…
believe John Kerry had a plan.
believe anything Ted Kennedy says.
think Barbara Boxer makes sense.
think Dennis Kucinich makes sense.
look at Nancy Pelosi as a leader.
believe Hillary Clinton is centrist.
think Jimmy Carter was a great President.
believe we don’t need a military and that the money could be better spent on
welfare whores“social programs”.admire Cynthia McKinney.
think Alcee Hastings is an honest man.
think Kofi Annan is an honest man.
Good stuff this!
Not long ago, I knocked together a “Black Helicopter Crowd Fitness Exam” that I have been looking to share. It’s a little long, but fun. Here it is:
IS THE BLACK HELICOPTER CROWD FOR YOU?
This simple exam should tell the tale.
INSTRUCTIONS: In the following multiple-choice questions, select the answers that most logically explain the questions.
If the questions refer to things or incidents you never heard of,
blame this on the conspirators who skimped your education, NOT the
conspirators who created this examination!(1): The battleship Maine was:
(a) Sunk by Cuban guerrillas in an attempt to push the USA
into war with Spain.
(b) Sunk as part of a media conspiracy headed by William
Randolph Hearst, in an attempt to drive up ratings.
(c) Sunk while trying to protect the Mob’s Havana investments.
(d) The World Trade Center conspiracy of its day.(2): R.M.S. Titanic was:
(a) Sunk by a U-boat on maneuvers, and this was hushed up to
avoid an international incident.
(b) Wrecked by the ship’s navigator, who was an IRA mole.
(c) The epitaph of British imperialism.
(d) Just a Hollywood movie.(3): World War I was:
(a) A revenue-sharing fix provoked by Krupp, Skoda, Armstrong,
Vickers, Schneider-Creusot and Dupont.
(b) A globalist conspiracy aimed at one-world government via
the League of Nations.
(c) A fight over a scrap of paper.
(d) A fight over Mata Hari.(4): The sabotage at Black Tom Pier in New York Harbor in 1916 was
due to:(a) The nascent Communist International.
(b) The same British agents who sank the Lusitania in hopes of
stampeding the USA into World War I.
(c) Racism.
(d) What in hell was Black Tom Pier?(5): Woodrow Wilson’s Fourteen Points were:
(a) Torpedoed by a cabal in the French Government.
(b) Torpedoed by the Religious Right, since God needed only
ten points.
(c) Overshadowed by the Black Sox scandal.
(d) Plagiarized from the Protocols of the Elders of Zion.(6): Due to the Treaty of Versailles:
(a) A clique of international financiers forced the sale of Babe
Ruth to the Yankees as part of the general settlement of war
debts.
(b) Lenin, Ho Chi Minh, Mussolini and Hitler all received finan-
cial backing as part of the general settlement of war debts.
(c) Parliament forced Lawrence of Arabia to retire as part of the
general settlement of war debts.
(d) Prohibition received globalist sanction.(7): Hitler’s “Beer Hall Putsch” of 1923:
(a) Was torpedoed by Gemmatria cabalists who believed that 1923
was a year favorable to Jewish purposes.
(b) Was torpedoed by the Munich brewers’ union because the unpaid
S.A. bar tab was too high.
(c) Was thrashed by “Birth of a Nation” in the ratings.
(d) Resulted in a hung jury.(8): The Great Depression of 1929:
(a) Was a globalist conspiracy aimed at driving all nations off
the gold standard and softening them up for one-world
government.
(b) Was the work of free traders who were eager to get rid of
tariffs.
(c) Was the work of Stalin’s Wall Street moles.
(d) Drove the Scopes Monkey Trial off the front page.(9): The Hindenburg crash of 1937 was:
(a) The work of the same Irgun terrorists who blew up the King
David Hotel.
(b) A Wall Street plot aimed at boosting the stocks of American
Aircraft manufacturers.
(c) A Hollywood plot aimed at a model for future disaster movies.
(d) All about hydrogen.(10): The Spanish Civil War was:
(a) A globalist proving ground for the subversive guerrilla
warfare of the future.
(b) A fascist baptismal rite.
(c) Yezhov’s cover for extraterritorial Soviet police action.
(d) Didn’t Yezhov win an Oscar for his role in “The Trials?”(11): World War II was:
(a) Engineered by Zionist moles within the German Government
who were bent on Hitler’s downfall.
(b) A globalist plot aimed at one-world government through the
United Nations.
(c) An NKVD fix to divert attention from Stalin’s purges.
(d) All about oil.(12): The Pearl Harbor disaster (of 1941) was:
(a) Engineered by that man in the White House.
(b) Engineered by those men who wanted the White House.
(c) Engineered by those men who wanted to sign peace in the White
House.
(d) All of the above.(13): Due to the Battle of Midway in 1942:
(a) The globalists lost their most promising Far Eastern
cat’s-paw and were forced to wait for the Chicomms.
(b) “Strange Tales” was forced off the shelf by the war news.
(c) Washington’s right-wing cabal was set back until 1952.
(d) The Soviet Politburo learned what navies are.(14): The Manhattan Project was:
(a) A cabal among aliens and Albert Einstein, who only looked
like an alien.
(b) Moved to Chicago due to nonpayment of rent.
(c) Never mind Los Alamos and Alamogordo! What about Roswell?
(d) Never heard of Los Alamos and Alamogordo (or Roswell).(15): Due to the Cold War:
(a) The military-industrial complex reaped 50 years of obscene
profits.
(b) We got the interstate highway system instead of a mass transit policy.
(c) The Japanese were able to make their first inroads into the
American economy with cheap transistor radios.
(d) Alger Hiss and the Rosenbergs were framed!(16): During the Korean War, General Douglas MacArthur was:
(a) Fired for trying to take out the Chicomms before Sam
Walton could hire them.
(b) Fired for predicting an interplanetary war.
(c) Fired for his condescending attitude toward peasants.
(d) All of the above.(17): The Bay of Pigs invasion was:
(a) A Mob operation aimed at regaining their Havana investments.
(b) An unsuccessful pilot for “The Twilight Zone.”
(c) A Big Tobacco operation aimed at regaining access to the Cuban
cigar tobacco crop.
(d) A dress rehearsal for Normandy, trapped in a Bermuda Triangle time warp by aliens and released in Cuba after 20 years.(18): Due to the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962:
(a) Lee Harvey Oswald received a grant-in-aid from the Trilateral
Commission.
(b) Playwrights worldwide were fascinated with a satire on the Maginot Line.
(c) Blonde bombshells became persona non grata at the White House.
(d) Fidel Castro was forced to sell his 1938 Terraplane limousine.(19): Due to the Second Indochina War (aka Vietnam):
(a) LBJ successfully deflected attention from Dallas.
(b) The tenuring of radical professors received an unexpected
boost from the Illuminati.
(c) The Trilateral Commission gained a proving ground for the
next generation of weaponry.
(d) The Chicomms sabotaged Apollo 13.(20): Watergate was:
(a) Tipped by Chicomm moles in the Nixon administration.
(b) A convenient fig leaf for a news media putsch.
(c) A witch hunt that brought Wicca back into fashion.
(d) What the hell is a putsch?(21): SALT was:
(a) Sabotaged by the Trilateral Commission.
(b) Sabotaged by Begin and Sadat.
(c) A dreary satire on the Munich Conference of 1938.
(d) Long ago discovered to cause high blood pressure.(22): The AStar Wars@ ABM program was:
(a) A scam engineered by a clever computer programmer, who fed
disinformation to Soviet hacker spies.
(b) Conceived by Fischer and Spassky at Reykjavik, Iceland.
(c) A globalist fix aimed at making outer space a free trade zone.
(d) A waste of the Carter peace dividend.(23): The Berlin Wall was:
(a) At the top of the Euro pop charts for years.
(b) An environmental control.
(c) An avant-garde memorial to Auschwitz.
(d) The Soviet attempt at copying the Wailing Wall.(24): The Persian Gulf War was:
(a) Fought by Rommel’s Afrika Korps and the Desert Rats through
a time warp.
(b) A CIA fix aimed at giving Saddam Hussein enough rope to
hang himself.
(c) A UN fix aimed at diverting attention from Central African
genocide.
(d) A globalist scam aimed at retroactive oil price fixing.* * * * * * *
This concludes the Black Helicopter Crowd Fitness Test.
Questions concerning events of the past decade or so have been deliberately
omitted, since conspiracy theories concerning these events are still
in flux and have hardly attained their mature forms.Please submit this test to your nearest mental health professional for
scoring, and have as much fun as you can before they catch up with you!A NOTE ON QUALITY CONTROL
Before this test was publicly released, a random sample of 100 volunteers
offered to take the test, to verify accuracy and objectivity.Here are the results:
8% are awaiting the Apocalypse;
23% are awaiting judicial proceedings;
14% have been sent back to inpatient care;
17% now work for intelligence or security agencies;
11% opened private conspirotherapy practices;
15% are now outpatients in conspirotherapy;
7% are now hiding in bombproof shelters;
6% are now listed as missing persons.Total: 101% *
*--Some idiot took the test twice--he liked it!
You might be a barking moonbat if you visit this link:
Try again:
PS: Good to see you and OCM going at it with such unabashed enthusiasm again.
You are definately a B.M. if you believe that the Kyoto Protocol is the only way to save the planet from global warming.
Definately a B.M. if you believe that an electric automobile will cut pollution...while recharging your batteries at home in the garage...powered from an oil or coal fueled electricity grid.
Farting sheep and cattle contribute to depletion of the ozone layer. Therefore a fart tax must be levied on farmers to aleviate the problem.
Posted by r-send
02/16/2005 at 10:16 PM
r-send, you are 3 for 3.
If we could discover a super-efficient, high-capacity battery.... solar energy would be feasible. Probably cars, too. Not yet.
Posted by Oink
02/16/2005 at 10:21 PM
LC, You are in rare form! Sorry I am late in posting, but the *&^% plow wouldn’t start.
You might be a Barking Moonbat if:
you believe that animals have souls;
you believe that the minimum wage actually benefits the
pooreconomically disadvantaged;you believe that students are better served in learning to put a condom on a bananna than learning the bill of rights;
That you actually need to teach
masturbationmanual self-gratification;That Janet Reno actually has sex appeal <shudder>;
If you have ever inspected your childs playmates house for evidence of firearms before letting them approach the house (yeah, she found the throw-down taped on the back of desk but she missed the Mossberg pump in the golf bag).
You actually believe that guns kill people;
That I really care if you would rather be naked than wear fur;
Posted by yatalli
02/16/2005 at 10:40 PM
Atta Boy Yatalli !!
PETA is a legitimate organisation and should be funded by the taxpayer.
The Holocaust is a myth...perpetrated by the evil Jews
Posted by r-send
02/17/2005 at 12:39 AM
Here’s mine:
You think the U.S. is the greatest threat to world peace
You listen to NPR regularly
You think the MSM is too conservative because it is “corporate”
It’s OK to make fun of Christianity but not other religions
Guns, SUVs, etc. are murderous devices with minds of their own.
You think George W. Bush is an ultra-conservative
You think Karl Rove is Satan incarnate
An unborn child is an “inviable tissue mass”
Kofi Annan can do no wrong while the Bush administration is mired in scandal
You think Howard Dean is the last, best hope for the Democratic Party.Posted by Gen. George S. Patton
02/17/2005 at 01:14 AM
You believe God was too busy to stop over in parts of South East Asia and just gave them a wave
Oops Santa not God
Hey yatalli-
I BELIEVE that animals have souls and I won’t wear fur-or eat veal.
I’m not a moon-bat.*whiiiiine*Posted by Annoying Little Twerp
02/17/2005 at 06:34 AM
I agree with Barb! (ALT) I won’t support anything that pens animals in tiny cages all their lives. Eating them is different than cruelty.
On the issue of animal’s souls: I prayed for an answer and got one.
IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO, I’LL FIND YOU SOMETHING !
Posted by Oink
02/17/2005 at 07:59 AM
That reminds me, I’ve had other prayers anwered! I prayed for guidance, on something foolish, and got an answer. (funny how God always reminds me of someone I knew in boot camp !)
MAGGOT, I GAVE YOU A BRAIN TO HANDLE THE EASY SHIT ! IS THERE WOMETHING WRONG WITH IT I DON’T KNOW ABOUT?
Posted by Oink
02/17/2005 at 08:20 AM
In the face of ever increasing demand worldwide for shrinking non-renewable energy resources (such as oil), if you think that conservation will meet (and even exceed) these demands, you might be a barking moonbat.
(1) here’s a sensible suggestion on how to end the hockey dispute:
http://www.scrappleface.com/MT/archives/002068.html
(2) regarding holocaust denyers: I take the position that WW2 never happened.
Posted by Oink
02/17/2005 at 09:09 AM
Hockey is promoted by the American Dental Association.
You’re a moon-bat if you believed John Kerry’s idear to drop health insurance 10%, or $1,000 a year, by having taxpayers pay all employee plans’ health claims over $30,000 would save everybody money, geeez.
Posted by Z Woof
02/17/2005 at 09:49 AM
It depends on the change, OCM. If it’s something I like it’s good, otherwise I don’t like it. Pretty much like most people, I’d suppose.
I don’t know if that’s an answer, or if it’s an answer from a Conservative. I consider myself a right leaning moderate but those cute little online political tests keep telling me that I’m a left of center libertarian. Go figure.
Only change where change is needed and appropriate. When else?
from #10 Allan:
OCM, that’s all well and good but WHY do you hate George W. Bush? What did he ever do to you? What did he not do that you wish he had? I’m just curious ....Posted by DR@HDfixit
02/17/2005 at 11:57 AM
Listen up Barb,
You might be dead, if you don’t wear a seatbelt in order to protest mandatory seatbelt laws.
Try mooning them.
Posted by Oink
02/17/2005 at 06:24 PM
You might be a moonbat if…
...you KNOW that a small cross on the city seal on a police car is PROOF of the upcoming Christian theocracy…
...someone saying that males and females might think differently makes you physically ill…
...you believe that CO2 from the industrial revolution on will cause more temperature change than variations in the sun…
...you think that climate models can predict the climate 100 years into the future while those same models can’t get today’s weather right with a great deal of certainty…
...you believe conservatives are racist because they are opposed to preferential treatment because of race…
02/16/2005 at 03:40 PM
02/16/2005 at 05:59 PM
