Humor In Uniform
Damn right Vilmar. 911 was the first time in 30 years I really wished I was a Marine Grunt again. Suppose most of you have read this? (Written during Afghanistan but applies today)
US Secret Weapon: Post-Menopausal Women
But what about the ladies? Have they no part to play here? From an anonymous memo bouncing about the Internet.
“Draft American post-menopausal women. Outfit them with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna. Then drop ‘em across the landscape of Afghanistan, and look the hell out!”
Here are six reasons we need these old girls:1. Their anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping, is formidable enough to make armed men in turbans tremble.
2. They’d like to get away from their husbands, if they haven’t already.
3. They have nothing to lose! They’ve survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound. They can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all.
4. Finding bin Laden in some cave should be no problem. These women have tracked down husbands and lovers in bars, hardware stores, even men’s rooms.
5. Want to unite the warring tribes in a new government? Easy for these American grandmas. For years, they’ve planned seating arrangements for extended families at holiday dinners. They understand tribal warfare.
6. They’ve divorced enough husbands to know every trick for hiding money sources. They know where to find the dough and how to seize it ... with or without the government’s help!
Here’s the best part. Since the Taliban hate women, imagine their terror as battalions of “mature,” hot-flashing American dames attack. Right along side thousands of geezers armed with canes, walkers and bright yellow pants.
Posted by Oink
02/13/2005 at 08:34 PM
Damn.
I knew it was Allan who contributed the piece. Sorry. Senior Moment.
Posted by Oink
02/13/2005 at 08:37 PM
When Allan, said he hadn’t done push-ups since basic I THOUGHT Vilmar.
*aside to Oink-I’m sure you’ve heard all ABOUT the Air Force*evil grin**Posted by Annoying Little Twerp
02/13/2005 at 09:55 PM
Damn right, Sign me up! Wait a minute, let me get my bifocals so I can see where to sign.
Barb, I take exception to your comment alleging that AF guys don’t do push-ups.
Every year we needed to qualify and do this physical fitness test.
The whole squadron would fall out early in the morning and meet at the track. We’d do our run and then head over to the golf course where we’d “push” each other “up” to the bar.
So, see? WEe DID do push ups!
Marines Farewell Salute:
I sat and watched as our government underwent a peaceful transition of power. I was proud as Mr. Bush took his oath of office.
I was sad as I watched Mr. Clinton board Air Force One for the final time. What brought tears to my eyes was that I saw 21 United States Marines in full dress, with M-16s, fire a 21 gun salute to the outgoing President. I realized how far America’s military had deteriorated.
Every last one of them missed.Posted by Oink
02/13/2005 at 10:58 PM
WHAT IS CRUCIAL in the above joke is that Clinton had just left office, and was no longer Commander In Chief. Eight years of standing at attention saluting him… saluting the office, not the man.
Posted by Oink
02/13/2005 at 11:22 PM
A.A.R.P. Army of Aging or Retired People.
Many a truth is said in jest, none truer
than this post. Older people are much more
calm and calculating under pressure. It would
be a formidable force indeed.Posted by Steel Turman
02/14/2005 at 12:20 PM
OCM: The Canadian forecast calls for ”Cold with heavy Socialism and intermittent attacks on free speech”.
Give us an update when you return.
Posted by Oink
02/14/2005 at 12:36 PM
