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1. Skipper: I’ve noticed that when I move my mouse, the little arrow on the screen moves in the same direction! Is this something I need to look into?   

   Posted by Oink       09/30/2005  at  01:14 PM  



2. Yes, Oink. What you have there is a bad case of Mad Rodent Disease. Your mouse is mentally sending signals to your monitor using alpha waves. These waves can build up and cause your computer to do things while you’re asleep like surfing porn and signing up for spam. This will eventually result in what we doctors refer to as OldCatMan Syndrome and is a horrid end to an otherwise useful life. First the brain goes then the body falls apart causing numerous car wrecks, not to mention scaring any cats that might be hanging around. Even worse is the fact that this debilitating disease causes your hair to fall out and your dick to shrivel up to microscopic dimensions.

   I suggest you shoot the mouse with any gun you have handy (as long as it is .45 caliber or higher) then buy youself a joystick. It’s the only way to be sure.

    

   Posted by The Skipper       09/30/2005  at  01:31 PM  



3. Alternative Punchline (?) (allegedly true, similar question)

   HELP LINE: “I tell you what, I want you to box up your computer and take it back to the store where you bought it.”

   CALLER: “What do I tell them?”

   HELP LINE: “You tell them that YOU’RE TOO F*CKING STOOPID TO USE A COMPUTER!” (click)

   Posted by Oink       09/30/2005  at  01:42 PM  



4. SON SAYS: Daddy, how was I born?

   DAD SAYS: Ah, well, my son, one day you will need to find out anyway!

   Mom and Dad got together in our private, secluded chat room. Then your mother downloaded from dad’s memory stick. As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed little virus appeared. And that’s the story.

   Posted by Oink       09/30/2005  at  02:36 PM  



5. Yep! Falling inexorably into a Black Hole…

   Posted by Oink       09/30/2005  at  04:06 PM  



6. OCM: Naw .... OPRAH!

   

   Posted by The Skipper       09/30/2005  at  09:48 PM  



7. Anyone know the difference between Oprah and a bowling ball?

   hint: it’s bad

   Posted by Oink       09/30/2005  at  10:20 PM  



8. My guess is bad too… it concerns how one picks up the ball.

   Posted by StinKerr       09/30/2005  at  11:39 PM  



9. You could eat a bowling ball if you had to.  

   Posted by Oink       10/01/2005  at  07:39 AM  



10. http://www.heraldsun.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5478,16774815^2862,00.html

    Trying to redeem my reputation.  If these guys can master tools, so can I, by golly!

    Posted by Oink       10/01/2005  at  07:40 AM  



11. You guys are soooooooooooo baaaaaaaad - But I love ya anyhoo!

    Posted by Dottie       10/01/2005  at  04:23 PM  

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