Black Sheep
That was really ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-ad…
What was the (female?) sheep’s age? And was she named Monica?
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OINK needs some time to come up with a creative posting. Meanwhile, there’s this true tale of a personal ad:SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I am a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I’ll be at the front Door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.
Call (404) 875-5555 and ask for Daisy, I’ll be waiting…Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society
about an 8-week old black Labrador Retriever. (Men are so easy).
************************************************>>>>>>OINK is pretty sure he felt the Good Ship BMEWS scrape bottom on that coral reef. As he walks casually down the subtlely listing deck to the lifeboat stations, he is softly whistling “Nearer My God to Thee”.
Posted by Oink
02/15/2006 at 01:20 PM
Deport him to Australia. He’ll fit right in there.
While waiting for the comedic material.....isn’t it sort of troubling that they are going to punish him for what they think he MIGHT do? I mean, I am no bestiality apologist, but his crime was, in fact, against a sheep - not a child or vulnerable adult.....it was a sheep. And last I heard, they couldn’t read the registry.
Haynes has prior convictions for burglary, home invasion and uttering and publishing, and was on parole for burglary at the time of the sex crime.
This guy has all of these convictions and still no real jail time? Why do we even bother arresting people anymore?
WAIT NO LONGER!
An uneasy quiet overtakes the crowd as OINK trots unsteadily to the microphone of the BMEWS Shipboard Lounge . Most of the women are edging toward the door, except Becca & ALTwerp. who are freshening their drinks; Dottie is nowhere to be seen. OCM is purring, as he gives OINK a lewd wink.
“ What a great crowd! I suppose you older folks are familiar with this?” [crooning]
Well I’m the Sheik of Araby
Your love belongs to me
Well at nights when you’re asleep
Into your tent I creep
a-ha
The stars that shine above
will light our way to love
You rule this world with me
I’m the Sheik of ArabyHIT IT MAESTRO!
I’m the Sheep of Battle Creek
Your love belongs to me
At nights when I’m asleep
Into my pen you’d creep
baa-baa
The stars that shine above
lit our way to love
That’s when they spotted you and me
I’m the Busted Sheep of Battle Creek(In the ensuing silence, The Skipper can be heard nailing The Plank to the rail.)
Posted by Oink
02/15/2006 at 03:40 PM
Sounds like a sequel to “Brokeback Mountain”.
Posted by MAJ Mike
02/15/2006 at 05:10 PM
Well.....it wasn’t quite a sonnet. I am just glad the poor sheep wasn’t from Nantucket. (for OH so many reasons!)
But Becca,(whine) ‘Nantucket’ is a word so potentially ‘Rime Riche’! There’s ‘bucket’…
Posted by Oink
02/15/2006 at 05:50 PM
The problem is that I don’t think there is another SINGLE word that rhymes. Too bad!
As it is, Monsieur, I think my graces are more generous with you than is probably good. Or at least good taste. Well, I guess none of us have ever presumed to have that!
There was once in Michigan a sheep
Who found herself up Battle Creek.
Still dazed from before
the police wanted MORE
It was enough to make the girl weep!Did I actually WRITE that? Not bad for two minutes!
RE: WTF?
That’s uddering and pube-lashing, Sir. The original article text was garbled in transmission.
Don’t ask me what these terms mean, but as Bat Guano would say, “That sounds preverted.”
Not bad at all, Becca.
Shocking, but not bad.
Wow… golly ... gosh! I suppose you also know the joke that ends,
“That’s OK .. most guys just leave her hanging there”.
Posted by Oink
02/15/2006 at 06:30 PM
Actually, no. I am more naive than you would guess. I just felt bad they had to give the poor girl the CSI treatment. I’m not at all sure the sheep thought that was much different than the original offense.
Me too, Sweetie. It was a grievous offense to the unstained purity of animals.
Posted by Oink
02/15/2006 at 07:16 PM
Methinks you are mocking my purity. First OCM, then you. I feel a humphf coming on!
Not a bit. Animals’ minds are simple, but their hearts are pure.
They have none of the worst, the spiritual, exclusively human, sins of malice, envy, pride.
Posted by Oink
02/15/2006 at 08:16 PM
I saw Brokeback Mountain. Why couldn’t they have just fucked the sheep?
Fine limerick, Beccayinn.
-------
Do ya suppose he was humming that old Minnie Riperton song Loving Ewe?
If the couldn’t hit the high notes in the barn he’ll learn to hit ‘em in prison.
Stanley: HUSH! You’re ruining the sequel.
Posted by Oink
02/15/2006 at 09:55 PM
Spectacular photo OCM. I woke my wife up laughing.
Jeffrey Haynes,
a shephard to fear.
Went for a sheep,
not planning to shear.Some think of prayer,
when calling their flock.
When Jeff dreams of wool,
Its just sucking his c___.Jeff got his sure nut,
the sheep walks funny now.
Imagine if the farmer,
caught Jeff with the cow!If this seems strange,
he’s a bit different its true.
When Jeff dreams of love,
He’s thinking of ewe.I am very happy for you, Dottie. Would that everyone could enjoy life so much and have so much to be happy about. I suggest that you are yourself responsible for much of that. Most of us could take a lesson.
I know the sight you mean flying over Chicago. I have flown in and out of Chicago many times and only once did I get that view. It truly is fantastic. A sight to remember.
02/15/2006 at 01:21 PM
