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The Daily Stupid, Part II

Detroit Suburb Considering $5 Rat Bounty

St. Clair Shores admits it has a rat problem.  They’re trying anything and everything to get rid of rodents, and that may include a bounty program.

Rats can look so darn cute in pictures with their little eyes and button nose, but for a lot of people that live in St. Clair Shores, there is nothing cute about the critters.  They want them gone.

“We had seven dead rats this summer that we’ve caught.  I did see a dead one about two weeks ago in the middle of the street, and then two nights ago I saw one crossing the street at night,” said Heather Hawkins.

Rat traps can be spotted around homes and in backyards.  It’s part of the effort to control the rodents, which have become a very expensive problem.

“They’re nesting in vehicles and chewing up wires and destroying people’s vehicles.  So not only is it a health concern, but it’s starting to cost people money,” said Nicole Stanley.

“We cut up all of our bushes, took those out.  We put mesh down all along the house and then put rocks along so they couldn’t burrow under and get into the creeks and crevices,” Hawkins explained.

City leaders acknowledge the problem and are trying to come up with a solution like more secure garbage cans and educating the public on how to keep the rats at bay.  However, the proposal that has everyone talking is a rat bounty—$5 for each dead rat a homeowner turns in.

“When we first heard it, it was like oh come on.  Really?  A bounty.  But then we talked about it some more.  We said if it does help us find out where the issues are, it may be something worth considering.  We know we’re not going to trap our way out of rats being in existence,” said Acting City Manager Mike Smith.

Rats breed ... well, like rats. A female can have 5 or 6 litters per year, with half a dozen or more ratlings per litter. Set a live trap, catch one or two males and eight females, and set up a rat farm in your basement or garage. Inside 90 days you should be able to turn in a dozen rats a day. After 8 months you’ll have to turn in 75 a day or more, or else be buried in rats.

This bounty idea is straight out of Terry Prachett ... when city tyrant Lord Vetenari saw the huge increase in rat tails turned in for bounty, he declared “tax the rat farms”. No fool, he.

Female rats can be bred as young as 5 weeks old, but waiting 2 to 4 weeks more is usually better. Lady rats go into heat every 5 days, but will spark right up if placed near a sexually mature male. Gestation takes 3 weeks. Litters are between 5 and 8, with the more mature rats having larger litters.



Posted by Drew458    United States   on 01/31/2013 at 02:15 PM   
 
  1. Are you implying that some enterprising citizen might actually breed the little bastards to make a permanent income stream out of this proposal Drew? Cause That would be improper behavior in the days of Obama’s Renaissance of urban renewal and shit.

    Posted by Rich K    United States   01/31/2013  at  05:58 PM  
  2. Hey, are you suggesting we deny them the opportunity to draft further legislation to resolve the unintended consequences of what they’ve done?

    Posted by Mr Evilwrench    United States   01/31/2013  at  07:29 PM  
  3. Hey, are you suggesting we go out drinking and not come back until January 21,2017 ?
    If so I’m IN.

    Posted by Rich K    United States   02/01/2013  at  04:54 PM  
  4. Do I get the $5 rat bounty if I bring in a politician?

    Posted by CenTexTim    United States   02/02/2013  at  11:07 AM  
  5. SCIENTISTS HAVE STARTED USING LAWYERS INSTEAD OF RATS IN THEIR EXPERIMENTS.

    FIRST, THERE’S MORE OF THEM.

    SECOND, THERE’S LESS DANGER OF GETTING EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO THEM, AND 3RD.,

    THERE ARE SOME THINGS EVEN RATS SIMPLY REFUSE TO DO.

    Posted by peiper    United Kingdom   02/02/2013  at  12:34 PM  
  6. St. Clair’s Hores? Interesting....

    Posted by Macker    United States   02/03/2013  at  04:49 PM  
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