Wednesday - May 04, 2005

Mea Culpa

^{Mike Lester, Rome News-Tribune, Rome, GA}

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/04/2005 at 06:30 AM   
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   Tuesday - May 03, 2005

You Be The Jury

Ladies & Gentlemen Of The Jury:

(try to imagine Clarence Darrow here)

I come before you today to present the case against Jennifer Wilbanks, the almost-bride with cold feet who caused the city Of Dululth, GA to spend $100k looking for her while she went on a joyride to Las Vegas, who caused untold emotional grief to her fiance, her family and her friends. You, the jury have two questions to decide ....

Should this doofus who says he still loves her and still wants to marry her actually be allowed to marry this mindless twit or should they both be sterilized and exiled to a remote island in the Pacific?

Should this looney-tunes, unbalanced, moronic twit be prosecuted for everything the police and FBI can throw at her and sentence her to twenty years of hard labor on a Georgia chain gang or should she be allowed to go free to continue to terrorize the good people of Duluth in coming years by marrying doofus above and pumping out three or four little doofuses before she suffers post-partem syndrome and drowns them all in a bathtub and once again winds up in the news?

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/03/2005 at 08:36 AM   
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   Saturday - April 30, 2005

Barking Moonbat Of The Week

Yes, the weekly trophy and award are back after a brief absence. As is usually the case, we had quite a large number of candidates for this prestigious award, given out each Saturday to the previous week’s most magnificent, memorable act of Moonbattery. After hashing over the candidates in our smoke-filled conference room the judges have come up with this week’s winner ....

Anna Ayala The Las Vegas woman was arrested last week and hit with felony theft charges in connection with her claim to have found a severed finger in a bowl of chili served to her last month at a Wendy’s restaurant in San Jose, California. At a press conference later, cops provided few details about the 39-year-old Ayala’s alleged Wendy’s plot, for which she was charged with attempted grand theft. However, the county coroner did make a statement that after examining the “finger” he was able to determine the finger had definitely not been cooked in the same 170 degree heat that the chili was prepared in. Ayala was also slapped with a second, unrelated theft charge in connection with an alleged fraudulent mobile home sale. She is being held in Las Vegas’s Clark County Detention Center, where this mug shot was snapped. Ayala filed a legal claim against the food chain after she allegedly found the 1-1/2-inch finger on March 22. But she withdrew the claim after police raided her Vegas home earlier this month.

We normally give each week’s winner “the finger” as a salute for a job well done of proving to be an asinine asshat but we are withholding “the finger” this week for obvious reasons. 

Posted by The Skipper     on 04/30/2005 at 02:42 PM   
Filed Under: • Awards • Stoopid-People •  
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As The World Turns

The bride-to-be in Duluth, GA who went jogging, was kidnapped, later released by her kidnappers in Albuquerque, NM and who finally was found by police after she called her fiance .... now says she made the whole story up because she got cold feet about marrying the guy.

Got all that? Me neither. Women .... can’t live with them, can’t shoot them! I guess this woman watched all those Bugs Bunny cartoons and was determined not to “take the wrong turn at Albuquerque”.

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) - A Georgia bride-to-be who vanished just days before her wedding turned up in New Mexico and fabricated a tale of abduction before admitting Saturday that she got cold feet and “needed some time alone,” police said.

Jennifer Wilbanks, 32, had called her fiance from a pay phone late Friday and told him that she was kidnapped three days earlier while she was jogging, authorities said. But she soon recanted, according to police.

“It turns out that Miss Wilbanks basically felt the pressure of this large wedding and could not handle it,” said Randy Belcher, the police chief in Duluth, Ga., the Atlanta suburb where Wilbanks lives. He said there would be no criminal charges.

Maybe she should have just eloped .... to Albuquerque. Then she and her dumbass husband could have joined the MinuteMen and helped save America from invasion instead of just providing material for another Jerry Springer episode .... and giving me a chance to use the word “Albuquerque” five times in a single post.

Is it just me or does the bride (below left) resemble Olive Oyl and the groom (below right) resemble Bluto? Where does Popeye fit into this picture? Inquiring minds want to know ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 04/30/2005 at 07:15 AM   
Filed Under: • Crime • Stoopid-People •  
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   Friday - April 29, 2005

License To Carry .. Burritos?

What have we come to in modern American society when an entire school goes into lockdown, snipers take to the roofs surrounding the school and parents pull their children from classes, all because of .... a giant burrito ....??

CLOVIS, N.M. - A call about a possible weapon at a middle school prompted police to put armed officers on rooftops, close nearby streets and lock down the school. All over a giant burrito.

Someone called authorities Thursday after seeing a boy carrying something long and wrapped into Marshall Junior High.

The drama ended two hours later when the suspicious item was identified as a 30-inch burrito filled with steak, guacamole, lettuce, salsa and jalapenos and wrapped inside tin foil and a white T-shirt.

I simply cannot add anything to this asshat activity. I am awestruck at the lunacy of most people anyway. This “incident” only serves as an example. After we secure our borders, run all the illegal Mexicans out, remove all those “dial dos for Espanol” phone menus .... we need to burn down all the Taco Bells and teach our kids to eat more hamburgers again. No one ever mistook a Double Whopper for an AK-47, have they? I rest my case.

Posted by The Skipper     on 04/29/2005 at 10:45 PM   
Filed Under: • Education • Stoopid-People •  
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Deadbeat Cookie Monsters

The Girl Scouts have had to resort to filing lawsuits to get deadbeat cookie buyers to pay up.

WAUKESHA, Wis. Apr 29, 2005 — Girl Scout cookies aren’t free, as a few alleged deadbeats are about to find out. One scout group has filed small-claims lawsuits against people who failed to pay up.

Christine Slowinski, communications director for the Girl Scouts’ Great Blue Heron Council, said the legal action Thursday came only after several efforts to collect the money from sales of cookies in the annual fund-raising campaign over the past two years.

The amounts owed by two couples and three other women ranged from $301.42 to $1,485.68.

C’mon, folks! Deadbeat dads are bad enough .. but failing to pay for the Girl Scout cookies you promised to buy? How low can people go? These poor little gals (and their parents) bust their buns to finance their organization with these marvelous (and fattening) cookies. Now, admittedly some parents of girl scouts are obnoxious enough to bring their buy lists to the office and blackmail their co-workers into guying these cookies (you know who you are), but agreeing to buy them and then not paying up is extremely naughty.

On a side not, the Girl Scouts have now added a new merit badge: lawyer.

Posted by The Skipper     on 04/29/2005 at 04:50 PM   
Filed Under: • Crime • Stoopid-People •  
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   Wednesday - April 27, 2005

Moonbat Posse

One of our members (lisar915) is in trouble at her blog. The poor little dear is trying to talk sense to her readers and she is under attack from mindless zombies from the Moonbat Left. They have filled her comments with the usual Leftist drivel and are in dire need of an old fashioned ass whooping.

So come by the Skipper’s office, pick up your rifle and plenty of ammo. Saddle up your old horse and follow the Skipper over to The Urban Grind. Here is a link to one of her recent posts ("CIA Reports That Search For WMD is Over") that seems to have drawn a lot of attention from the “Living Brain Dead”, those mindles ghouls who wander the streets after sunset spouting their carefully rehearsed drivel, spewing hatred at anyone who doesn’t agree with them.

Your instructions, as duly deputized officers of the law is to take no prisoners. Shoot to kill. Verbally blast these monsters of the night. Bring me back their heads, whether they are empty or not! Now, raise your right hand and repeat after me ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 04/27/2005 at 09:27 PM   
Filed Under: • Democrats-Liberals-Moonbat Leftists • Stoopid-People •  
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Redneck Challenge

OK, I hate to admit it but there are some crazy people in my home state of Alabama. Although I live in St. Louis now, I still have family all over Alabama. I do wish to state that none of the people in this news story are related to me. Not even close. I never heard of them. Never. I swear.

TRAFFORD, Ala. (AP) — A brother and sister were arrested on felony incest charges after the man’s wife called sheriff’s deputies, who allegedly caught the siblings having sex.

Ronald Stewart Howze, 44, of Trafford, and Lori Ann Rotton, 41, of Smyrna, Ga., were arrested around midnight on April 7, said Jefferson County sheriff’s spokesman Randy Christian. They remain jailed Wednesday with bond set at $50,000 each.

If convicted, Howze and Rotton could each be sentenced to 10 years in prison.

Authorities said Howze’s wife believed her husband and his sister were having sex so she called deputies. The wife let the officer into their trailer home, and the deputy saw the siblings having sex in a bedroom, Christian said.

The officer had to twice tell the couple to stop, and the officer’s report quoted the man as saying “I guess I’m going to jail” after they finally complied, according to Christian.

Both brother and sister had been drinking, and Rotton was initially taken to a hospital because she appeared so intoxicated, Christian said.

The man told the officer he wanted to “go out crazy” after being diagnosed with cancer, The Birmingham News reported Wednesday.

Tommy McFarland, an attorney representing Howze, said his client told him he could not remember what happened. Howze said he suffers from seizures and asked to see a psychiatrist, according to McFarland.

Rotton is set to make her first court appearance Thursday.

Posted by The Skipper     on 04/27/2005 at 06:25 AM   
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   Monday - April 25, 2005

Peaceniks Punch Protesting (ex) Policewoman

You never can tell what the Peace-Loving Left ^tm will do at a peace protest, can you?

It started out as a typical Wednesday for Preckshot, a 49-year-old who stands about 5-foot-2 and has hearing aids in both ears. She was standing on her normal spot on Providence Road, holding her signs in support of American soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan. For nearly four years now, this has been Preckshot’s life from about 4:15 to about 5:45 in the afternoon once a week.

Sounds like an upstanding woman to me.  Peacable, quiet, steadfast in her support fo the troops.

On this particular Wednesday - it was March 16 - her effort seemed to annoy a couple of the protesters. Not satisfied with their own peace protest, a pair of peaceniks grabbed their signs and made their way to Preckshot, who normally stands outside the Bloomers flower shop near Locust Street.

Annoyed peaceniks, who could ask for a more delightful group?  I bet they were coming over to congratulate her on her fortitude over the past four years.

“Two of the guys from the corner walked down with a big sign that read ‘End the occupation,’ “ she remembers. One of them started taking pictures of a Preckshot supporter across the street, she says. “At some point, the other guy starts coming toward me.”

For a diminutive woman, Preckshot can handle herself. She’s a former police officer, and she isn’t easily intimidated. Still, a young man coming at her waving a sign in her face seemed a little aggressive, particularly from somebody supposedly advocating peace.

The man stepped closer. She backed off a step. He shoved a sign in her face, and she backed off once again.

“Don’t touch me!” she told him.

Then, she says, he pushed her.

“He started taunting me and reached out and pushed on my shoulder,” Preckshot says. “Each time he pushed, it got a little harder. When I saw his hand come at me again, I grabbed it. I felt fearful.”

As Preckshot pushed the man’s hand away, “he slugged me right in the face,” she says.

Nope, the peacable peacenik was pushing and punching Preckshot the policewoman.  Of course, the other peacable peaceniks proceeded to pummel the pissant, right?

What does confound her, however, is why her weekly adversaries weren’t more helpful when police came to the scene.

After the incident, Preckshot went to a nearby gas station to call the police, and they quickly arrived to take statements.

None of the peace activists, however, would give up Allaire.

Typical.  Peace at any cost, especially if you can assault a woman wearing hearing aids and glasses simply holding a sign that offends your sensibilities.

That didn’t stop police from getting their man. A few days after the conflict, Preckshot and her husband, Geoff, were at the local military recruiting office on Broadway when the peaceniks marched by on their Palm Sunday protest. The Preckshots saw Allaire, holding the same “End the occupation” sign. Geoff snapped pictures of the alleged scofflaw while Allaire flipped his middle finger in his general direction. He called police, and they tracked Allaire down.

Good for them.  Now the cops can take his birkenstock-wearing self to the slammer.

Posted by Drew458     on 04/25/2005 at 12:50 PM   
Filed Under: • Democrats-Liberals-Moonbat Leftists • Stoopid-People •  
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Indian Twist on Selling the Brooklyn Bridge

Duh!

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - India’s intelligence department is investigating reports that a fraudster sold an American businessman the prime minister’s residence in the heart of New Delhi recently, a leading daily reported on Sunday.

The businessman forked out 35 million rupees for the house that was up for sale on a Web site as a “huge sprawling mansion in the heart of Lutyen’s Delhi with 24x7 running water and electricity”, the Hindustan Times said.

He soon received the title deed for the house and arrived in the Indian capital late in March to take possession of the house for an office he planned to set up only to discover he had been cheated.

Posted by Yellow Dog     on 04/25/2005 at 09:52 AM   
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   Thursday - April 21, 2005

The cows can be happy again, PETA got their ass kicked

The cows in California were happy, then sad and now happy again. PETA lost their court case.

Posted by Yellow Dog     on 04/21/2005 at 03:26 PM   
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   Wednesday - April 20, 2005

Darwin Awards Update

We are awash in a cesspool of stupidity.

SIX people were killed and nine seriously injured when a train smashed into a crowd of people enjoying the nightlife in the Indonesian capital in the early hours of today, a railway official said.

The victims were visitors to food and drink stalls that only open at night at the side of railway tracks east of Jakarta, said Mr Rachmadi, head of Greater Jakarta operations at national railway company Kereta Api.

A company spokesman said the victims did not hear the train coming because of music blaring from the stalls, which offer night entertainment for people on low incomes.

“Some of those sitting on the railway track were also drunk so they did not realize the train was coming,” Akhmad Suyadi was quoted by the state Antara news agency as saying.

The passenger train was travelling from the central Java city of Semarang to Jakarta.

Posted by Yellow Dog     on 04/20/2005 at 11:34 AM   
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START THE DARWIN AWARDS 2005

This was in my in box this morning (thanks Robert.) It is funny and mostly true.

The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington appeared to be the robber’s first (and last), due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:

1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms. A gun shop specializing in handguns.

2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.

3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.

4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work.  Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a .22 target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with a 9mm Glock 17, the clerk with a .50 Desert Eagle, assisted by several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also fired, The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.

Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire. Here we are at the beginning of March and we already may have the 2005 winner of the Darwin Award.  This guy is going to be hard to beat.

Posted by Yellow Dog     on 04/20/2005 at 11:08 AM   
Filed Under: • Crime • Stoopid-People •  
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   Monday - April 18, 2005

Mad Max Rampages Through Central Texas

A group of Mad Max impersonators having fun in the Texas Hill Country…

SAN ANTONIO - Eleven “Mad Max” fans of were arrested after alarming motorists as they made their way to a movie marathon in a theatrical convoy in which they surrounded a tanker truck armed with fake machine guns.

As the group was headed to San Antonio from nearby from Boerne on Saturday morning, police received several calls from motorists who reported a “militia” surrounding a tanker truck, a police report states.

Posted by Yellow Dog     on 04/18/2005 at 11:03 AM   
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