Sunday - August 28, 2005

Moonbat Quote Of The Week

As reported here and all over the media, the anti-war protestors camped out with Cindy Sheehan in Crawford were joined last week by supporters of the President and the war in Iraq. They setup camp (Fort Qualls, named after the organizer’s son, Marine Lance Cpl. Louis Wayne Qualls, 20, who died in Iraq last fall) across from “Camp Casey”, where Sheehan and company are ensconced with caterers provided by Ben & Jerry’s. The new arrivals requested an open-air debate with the Bansheehanites and their response could have been the motto for the entire Left ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/28/2005 at 12:43 PM   
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   Wednesday - August 24, 2005

Most Outrageous Item Of The Day

Honesty is always the best policy .... unless you’re a doctor and one of your patients is a fat broad who won’t stop stuffing her face or get any exercise. Then you better not tell the stupid beeyatch the truth or you’re in deep trouble. According to modern rules where people take offense and get their feelings hurt at the drop of a hat, you may get a letter of reprimand from the state, be forced to publicly apologize, have to attend sensitivity training and maybe even get sued ....

ROCHESTER, N.H. (AP)—As doctors warn more patients that they should lose weight, the advice has backfired on one doctor with a woman filing a complaint with the state saying he was hurtful, not helpful. Dr. Terry Bennett says he tells obese patients their weight is bad for their health and their love lives, but the lecture drove one patient to complain to the state.

“I told a fat woman she was obese,” Bennett says. “I tried to get her attention. I told her, ‘You need to get on a program, join a group of like-minded people and peel off the weight that is going to kill you.’ “ He says he wrote a letter of apology to the woman when he found out she was offended.

Her complaint, filed about a year ago, was initially investigated by a panel of the New Hampshire Board of Medicine, which recommended that Bennett be sent a confidential letter of concern. The board rejected the suggestion in December and asked the attorney general’s office to investigate. Bennett rejected that office’s proposal that he attend a medical education course and acknowledge that he made a mistake.

Other overweight patients have come to Bennett’s defense. “What really makes me angry is he told the truth,” Mindy Haney told WMUR-TV on Tuesday. “How can you punish somebody for that?” Haney said Bennett has helped her lose more than 150 pounds, but acknowledged that the initially didn’t want to listen. “I have been in this lady’s shoes. I’ve been angry and left his practice. I mean, in-my-car-taking-off angry,” Haney said. “But once you think about it, you’re angry at yourself, not Doctor Bennett. He’s the messenger. He’s telling you what you already know.”

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/24/2005 at 10:18 AM   
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   Tuesday - August 23, 2005

It’s All Your Fault!!

Yes, I’m talking to you! You on the other side of this monitor, sitting there in your underwear eating Cheet-O’s. You had your chance back in 1995 to do the right thing but NOOOOOOOOOOO .... you just had to send the money. You picked up the phone and gave them your credit card number or you wrote out a check, licked the stamp and yelled “Praise The Lord” as you deposited it at the Post Office. All of you out there who cribbed your social security checks together are to blame.

God asked for $8 million and was holding Pat Roberston for ransom. You knew it was true because Pat Robertson told you so. Well, I hope you’re happy now. God got his money and Robertson was left unharmed. No biblical plague descended on his house and the frogs rained elsewhere than on his head. You had your chance and you blew it. You could have thumbed your nose at God and told Him to go ahead and take Robertson. But you didn’t. Now you have to contend with this kind of crap from the $8 Million Dollar Man ....

VIRGINIA BEACH, VA (AP)—Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson has suggested that American agents assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez to stop his country from becoming “a launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism.” An official of a theological watchdog group on Tuesday criticized Robertson’s statement as “chilling.” “We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability,” Robertson said Monday on the Christian Broadcast Network’s “The 700 Club.”

“We don’t need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator,” he continued. “It’s a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with.” Chavez has emerged as one of the most outspoken critics of President Bush, accusing the United States of conspiring to topple his government and possibly backing plots to assassinate him. U.S. officials have called the accusations ridiculous.

“You know, I don’t know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we’re trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it,” Robertson said. “It’s a whole lot cheaper than starting a war ... and I don’t think any oil shipments will stop.” On Tuesday, critics objected to Robertson’s statements. “It’s absolutely chilling to hear a religious leader call for the murder of any political leader, no matter how much he disagrees with such a leader’s policies or practices,” said the Rev. Barry Lynn, executive director of Americans United for Separation of Church and State.

David Brock, president of Media Matters, a liberal media watchdog group, said the remarks should discredit Robertson as a spokesman for the religious right. Robertson, 75, founder of the Christian Coalition of America and a former presidential candidate, accused the United States of failing to act when Chavez was briefly overthrown in 2002. A Robertson spokeswoman, Angell Watts, said he would not do interviews Tuesday and had no statement elaborating on his remarks.

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/23/2005 at 12:09 PM   
Filed Under: • Religion • Stoopid-People •  
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   Sunday - August 21, 2005

Pathetic News Story Of The Day

Take sixty anti-war protestors, throw in a few cops and their K-9 friends. Then when the cops ask the protestors to please leave nicely, watch as the stoopid, stinking protestors act childish and get bitten and taser’ed for their efforts. Oh, I almost forgot .... the Army recruiting office they were protesting .... was closed, being as how it was a Saturday night, after all ....

PITTSBURGH (AP)—Two women protesting the war in Iraq were taken to a hospital Saturday after police broke up an unauthorized march involving about five dozen people on a busy one-way street near an Army recruiting station.

David Meieran, who helped organize the protest, accused police of “inappropriate and excessive force.”

Sgt. Clint Winkler, a supervisor on duty, told The Associated Press that one woman who would not leave was subdued with a Taser. He also confirmed that a police dog bit another woman on the leg when she refused police orders to disperse.

Both women and a man involved in the march were arrested, Winkler said.

“They were told to disperse, peacefully disperse, and failed to do so, so we started down the sidewalk—officers in front, K-9’s behind us, and started pushing the crowd down the sidewalk,” Winkler said. He said the march broke up after the arrests.

The recruiting station was not open at the time.

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/21/2005 at 08:26 AM   
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   Thursday - August 18, 2005

Our Roving Reporter In Crawford, TX

It seems we are going to have a BMEWS Official Roving Reporter in Crawford tomorrow. Pay attention, everyone! BeerMeenie has an announcement and would like a few suggestions for signs and/or slogans ....

Skipper, my neighbor and I will be driving to Crawford, TX tomorrow to counter-protest that asshat Sheehan.  We’ll be there until Monday to lend our support to our president and to our military’s men and women.

Being such a clever fellow with the words, would you happen to have any catchy, pithy poster slogans?

I have one that I particularly like “I am a veteran - I am a military mom - I am ashamed of Cindy Sheehan” but is it hard-hitting enough?

Would you consider opening a thread asking your members for suggestions?

I will also send you pics of our efforts if you are interested in sharing them with your members.

beermeanie

My favorite idea for poster slogans: “Mrs. Sheehan, Al-Qaeda is holding for you on line 3”, “Cindy, take your message to Fallujah”, “Cindy Sheehan: All-American IDJIT”, “Cindy Sheehan: TRAITOR!”, “Go Home, Cindy! Your fifteen minutes of fame are boring us!”.

Deposit your suggestions in the comments. As usual, wash and rinse your hands after depositing and before leaving ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/18/2005 at 03:20 PM   
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   Tuesday - August 16, 2005

I know it’s an Apple, but….

....is it that important?

What started as a sale turned into a mob scene as thousands of people pushed their way through the Richmond International Raceway gates to buy a $50 iBook laptop computer from Henrico County Schools this morning. The school district had only 1,000 of these surplus computers to sell, and Henrico County residents got first dibs.

“An old man in a walker was trampled to the ground.  Trampled to the ground… walked all over,” he said.

Dozens more were pushed to the ground as the crowd races through the gates.

A one-year-old baby almost became a victim. Her father pulled her out of her stroller.

Gee whiz folks, it’s just a computer.

Posted by Drew458     on 08/16/2005 at 01:35 PM   
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   Monday - August 15, 2005

Ali Baba GooGoo

Live from the Department Of Homeland Insecurity: if your baby has a towel wrapped around his hind-end and has a name that sounds Muslim, you better have his/her passport handy or else your’re gonna hold up the flight.

This message brought to you by Mohammed Gerbers Split Peas ....

WASHINGTON (AP) - Infants have been stopped from boarding planes at airports throughout the U.S. because their names are the same as or similar to those of possible terrorists on the government’s “no-fly list.”

It sounds like a joke, but it’s not funny to parents who miss flights while scrambling to have babies’ passports and other documents faxed.

Ingrid Sanden’s 1-year-old daughter was stopped in Phoenix before boarding a flight home to Washington at Thanksgiving.

“I completely understand the war on terrorism, and I completely understand people wanting to be safe when they fly,” Sanden said. “But focusing the target a little bit is probably a better use of resources.”

The government’s lists of people who are either barred from flying or require extra scrutiny before being allowed to board airplanes grew markedly since the Sept. 11 attacks. Critics including the American Civil Liberties Union say the government doesn’t provide enough information about the people on the lists, so innocent passengers can be caught up in the security sweep if they happen to have the same name as someone on the lists.

That can happen even if the person happens to be an infant like Sanden’s daughter. (Children under 2 don’t need tickets but Sanden purchased one for her daughter to ensure she had a seat.)

“It was bizarre,” Sanden said. “I was hugely pregnant, and I was like, ‘We look really threatening.’”

Note: anyone who has ever changed the diapers of a six-month-old definitely qualifies as an expert in Weapons Of Mass Destruction. PEEYEW!

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/15/2005 at 08:43 PM   
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Ted Speaks

CNN founder Ted Turner visits North Korea

SEOUL (AFP) - CNN founder Ted Turner arrived in the North Korean capital Pyongyang, North Korean official media reported.

“Robert Edward Turner, chairman of the Turner Foundation INC. of the United States, and his party ... arrived here,” said the Korean Central News Agency, monitored here.

South Korean officials said Turner was visiting the Stalinist state to discuss a project to turn the De-Militarized Zone (DMZ) dividing the two Koreas into a nature reserve.

He will visit an international environmental forum on the project here early next week, they said.

So, in the land of forced labor camps, starvation and nuclear weapons, Mr. Jane Fonda thinks that a flower garden in the DMZ is the most pressing issue in the area?
 

Posted by Drew458     on 08/15/2005 at 12:18 PM   
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   Wednesday - August 10, 2005

Stupid Criminals, Part II

BWAH-HAH-HAH-HA-HA-HA-AH-HAH-HAH-HA-HA-HA-AH-HAH-HAH-HA-HA-HA-AH ....

TAMPA TRIBUNE (AP) --Marvin Williams thought it would be funny to put a blue-and-red flashing light on the dashboard of his friend’s car and pretend to pull over another motorist, police said. But the joke backfired Sunday night when Williams picked a car with two undercover Tampa cops inside.

It didn’t help much when he laughed about it as he drove by. Then, when police followed him, the 22-year-old Williams ran from the vehicle, officials say. He left behind two female friends who were riding with him, and 7 grams of cocaine on the center console, police said. The officers caught up, caught him and found the drugs.

Williams was charged with cocaine possession, impersonating a law enforcement officer and resisting arrest. Officers also arrested a woman riding in the front seat and charged her with cocaine possession. Williams posted $4,500 bail Monday night and was released. A working phone number could not be located for him Tuesday, and it wasn’t known if he had an attorney.

Police spokeswoman Laura McElroy said Williams joked with his passengers about pulling someone over in the moments before pulling behind Officers Sean Kruger and Jason Degagne shortly before midnight. “The joke was on him,” McElroy said. “His victims turned out to be police officers who escorted him to jail - with a real blue light.”

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/10/2005 at 10:26 PM   
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Nightly Maniac Report

Tonight’s Nightly Maniac Report is brought to you from Simi Valley, California where guns don’t kill car alarms, people kill car alarms ....

SIMI VALLEY, Calif. (AP)—A man annoyed by a noisy car alarm fired at least three bullets into a Toyota Camry, silencing the alarm and bringing out police who hauled him away in handcuffs, authorities said. David Owen Rye, 48, was arrested and booked for investigation of reckless discharge of a firearm and felony vandalism, Sgt. John Adamczyk said. Rye allegedly told officers he grabbed his handgun and went out to put a stop to the car alarm.

The owner of the Camry, a sailor whose ship the USS Theodore Roosevelt just returned from an eight-month cruise, was visiting a friend when he heard the gunfire at about 10 p.m. Tuesday, KCAL-TV reported.

“I mean, that’s not a safe guy. I mean, you get upset over an alarm, over a noise like that, (then) there’s some little kids making too much noise and he decides to do something awful,” sailor Nicholas Moreno, 25, said.

Police were called to the Yosemite Avenue apartment building and Rye was ordered out of his apartment by an officer with a bullhorn. A Los Angeles Police Department helicopter also responded and Rye was arrested. Neighbor Ken Davis said he heard gunshots and looked outside to see Rye holding a gun.

“It was little scary,” Davis said. “I didn’t know what kind of mood he was in. I didn’t want to say anything to him.”

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/10/2005 at 09:25 PM   
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Stupid Criminals

When you’re planning on robbing a TV show host, it’s best to do so when he’s no on the air, on live TV.

FORT SMITH, Ark.—Viewers of an Arkansas cable access show helped Fort Smith police crack a case late Thursday night after they watched a robbery on live TV.

When a man came in and demanded Spirito’s car keys, Spirito informed his audience that this was no joke.

“There’s a guy robbing us, somebody call the police, he came in with a gun. Somebody call police, there’s a guy in here trying to rob us,” Spirito said.

That’s when Spirito addressed the alleged robber directly.

“Then I looked up at him and said, ‘We’re doing a live show here and there’s probably hundreds of people out there right now calling the police to come down on this building, just so you know,’” he said.

Two guys caught a short time later.  Ijits.

Posted by Drew458     on 08/10/2005 at 12:50 PM   
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   Tuesday - August 09, 2005

There Can Be Only One!

Michigan cops are still trying to figure out this asshat who .... well .... went medieval on them (link goes to The Smoking Gun by way of Fark) ....

Crusader Nabbed By Michigan Cops
Medieval sword, mallet, armor no match for ye olde Taser

AUGUST 5—Meet Robert McClain. The Michigan man, 42, was arrested last week after he attempted to literally go medieval on cops. According to the Royal Oak Police Department report, officers were dispatched to McClain’s home after a motorist called 911 to report that McClain had fled the scene of an auto accident. When they arrived at his crib, McClain allegedly tried to strike a cop with a four-foot sword.

After missing, McClain retreated to his basement, where he donned a chainmail armored vest and leather gauntlets to protect his arms. He also added a giant wooden mallet to his arsenal and beckoned officers to come downstairs and get him. “I’m gonna crush your fucking skulls,” McClain warned. Then, in a nice rhetorical flourish (for a lunatic, at least), he added, “I have a thousand years of power.”

That omnipotence, however, was no match for a police Taser, which felled McClain. He was then carted off and charged with felony assault and a misdemeanor count for failing to remain at an accident scene.

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/09/2005 at 03:21 PM   
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Where Are They Now?

From the “Where Are They Now” department our crack staff has uncovered the whereabouts of Jennnifer Wilbanks, the so-called “Runaway Bride”. She is mowing the lawn at the courthouse and washing police cars ....

LAWRENCEVILLE, Ga. (AP)—Runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks mowed the lawn of a government building Tuesday as part of her court-ordered community service for lying to police after she ran off days before her scheduled wedding.

Wearing an orange community service vest, a ballcap that said “Life is good” and running shoes, Wilbanks seemed upbeat as she pushed a powered mower by a swarm of reporters and photographers. She briefly spoke when the mower’s engine died in tall, wet grass.

“I’m doing well,” said Wilbanks, who has been undergoing mental health treatment. She admitted with a laugh that it had been a long time since she had mowed a lawn.

“I need to get back to work. I don’t want to get into trouble,” she added.

Her lawn mower then kept dying in the grass, each time prompting her to repeatedly yank on the pull string to restart it. After the eighth time it quit, she let out a big sigh.

In all, she was ordered to do 120 hours of service. Wilbanks had already completed 16 hours of her sentence by cleaning probation offices and washing public vehicles. Department of Corrections spokeswoman Peggy Chapman said Wilbanks planned to work off eight more hours Tuesday, also picking up trash.

“She’s a hard worker. She didn’t take advantage of anything. She did more work than most people,” said 17-year-old Michael Powell, who has cleaned bathrooms and offices with Wilbanks while working off his own sentence of 80 hours of community service for an offense he declined to disclose.

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/09/2005 at 12:36 PM   
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Another Death In The Iraq War

Sadly, we have to report another death in the Iraq war. Oddly enough this one ocurred in Kentucky. Two gun vendors at a flea market got into an argument over the Iraq war, both pulled guns and the man who backed the war got off the first shot ....

It was bound to happen sooner or later, and in what newspapers in Kentucky are calling a first, one American has killed another in a dispute over the Iraq war. It happened at Floyd County flea market on Thursday, when two friends, who were firearms vendors there, drew guns after quarreling about the war. Douglas Moore, 65, of Martin, who backs the war, shot and killed Harold Wayne Smith, 56, of Manchester, who opposed it, according to investigators.

Moore was released without being charged after he convinced police he had acted in self-defense. A grand jury may yet hear evidence in the case. Commonwealth’s Attorney Brent Turner said the episode might mark the first death in the U.S. due to a dispute over the war.

One witness, Sam Hamman of Prestonsburg, told the Lexington Herald-Leader, “Harold was talking about the 14 people that were killed in Iraq the other day and Doug said that just as many people were killed on the highways here.”

This quickly escalated into an argument, then to a scuffle, and finally both men drew pistols outside a snack shed. The dead man was apparently just a little slower in firing. Witnesses said he stood for about five seconds before toppling on the walkway.

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/09/2005 at 06:04 AM   
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