Wednesday - October 12, 2005

The Tooth Fairy

When you’re eight years old, the world is a simple place and there are always obvious solutions to every problem. It’s too bad we all have to grow up and become cynical, suspicious grownups ...

8-Year-Old Girl Sends Tooth to Red Cross
BRANDON, South Dakota (AP)

An 8-year-old girl with a big heart and loose tooth found a creative way to help people displaced by the hurricanes. Briton Nordmeyer sent her tooth to the Red Cross chapter in Sioux Falls, hoping the tooth fairy would leave money there instead of under her pillow.

The tooth poked a hole through the envelope and fell out, but her letter made it. And after word spread of her generosity, a $500 check came in from an anonymous donor.

Briton had told her mother she wanted to do something for the children who lost everything. “It’s really nice to help them get new food, homes, schools, toys, lots of stuff to help them,” Briton said.

Posted by The Skipper     on 10/12/2005 at 07:21 AM   
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   Friday - September 30, 2005

Why Ask Why?

• Why would anyone want to take a job that pays only $1142.70 per month (roughly $6.35 per hour), from which you can’t quit, strike or walk off of for at least four years, requires that you be shot at often by madmen who want to kill you, is made more dangerous by the freaky civilans you’re protecting and is under constant scrutiny by a hostile group of reporters?


• Why are gun manufacturers sued for making guns that are used by legal gun owners to fight off criminals with “saturday night specials” which account for a few hundred deaths a year while automobile manufacturers are not sued for manufacturing the machines that are responsible for over 50,000 deaths a year?


• Why is alcohol legal when it causes thousands of deaths each year due to alcoholism, drunk driving and alcohol-fueled disputes in bars while marijuana is illegal but has been proven to cause only a certain affinity for Cheetos and Twinkies?


• Why do Liberals define “affirmative action” as something other than racism, “political correctness” as something other than supression of free speech and “abortion” as something other than murder and why does “pro-choice” apply when the victim is pre-natal but does not apply when the victim is post-natal?


• Why do Hollywood actors, musicians, comedians and celebrities, most of whom just barely made it through high school, suddenly decide they know more about global political strategy and realpolitik than all of the college-educated experts in government who have been working at these subjects for an entire lifetime?


• Why should we save the whales when the damn whales haven’t done a single thing for us in the last few hundred million years and the same goes for that stupid spotted owl?


• Why is everyone so afraid of the Jews and why is it necessary to kill them all every few decades ... and while we’re on the subject, why are Muslims in the Middle East so angry at the whole world when they have no one but themselves to blame for their lack of knowledge, lack of moral fiber and a disturbing affinity for explosive devices?

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/30/2005 at 10:43 AM   
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   Tuesday - September 06, 2005

In the Meantime

Bill Whittle has posted Tribes.  Go read it (and the other essays if you haven’t yet).

It is time well spent.

Posted by Drew458     on 09/06/2005 at 09:19 AM   
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   Monday - September 05, 2005

Atlantis

New Orleans: Modern-Day Atlantis?
(NEW YORK TIMES - Sept. 5)

Nothing lasts forever. Just ask Ozymandias, or Nate Fisher. Only the wind inhabits the cliff dwellings at Mesa Verde in Colorado, birds and vines the pyramids of the Maya. Sand and silence have swallowed the clamors of frankincense traders and camels in the old desert center of Ubar. Troy was buried for centuries before it was uncovered. Parts of the Great Library of Alexandria, center of learning in the ancient world, might be sleeping with the fishes, off Egypt’s coast in the Mediterranean.

“Cities rise and fall depending on what made them go in the first place,” said Peirce Lewis, an expert on the history of New Orleans and an emeritus professor of geography at Pennsylvania State University. Changes in climate can make a friendly place less welcoming. Catastrophes like volcanoes or giant earthquakes can kill a city quickly. Political or economic shifts can strand what was once a thriving metropolis in a slow death of irrelevance. After the Mississippi River flood of 1993, the residents of Valmeyer, Ill., voted to move their entire town two miles east to higher ground.

What will happen to New Orleans now, in the wake of floods and death and violence, is hard to know. But watching the city fill up like a bathtub, with half a million people forced to leave, it has been hard not to think of other places that have fallen to time and the inconstant earth. Some of them have grown larger in death than they ever were in life.

The most famous lost city of all is one that probably never really existed, Atlantis, the fabulous island civilization swallowed by the sea, which was referred to by Plato. Some scholars think he might have been inspired by one or more real events. Among them is the destruction of Helike, a city on the Corinthian coast, which was swallowed by an earthquake and a tsunami one winter night in 373 B.C., during Plato’s lifetime.  “For the sea was raised by an earthquake,” wrote the Greek geographer Strabo, “and it submerged Helike and the Helikonian Poseidon.” The city went down like the Titanic with its entire population on board. An expeditionary force sent from a nearby town the next day found no survivors and no bodies to recover.

Though not the seat of empire like fabled Atlantis, Helike was a significant and prosperous city. It was the head of a confederacy of 12 Greek city states, the First Achaean League, whose successor, the Second Achaean League, was recommended as a model of federalism by Alexander Hamilton and James Madison in their Federalist Papers. It minted its own coins. Lured by the prospect of an underwater time capsule, archaeologists have long sought the remains of the sunken city.

Five years ago, after a dozen years of searching, a team of archaeologists led by Dora Katsonopoulou of the Ancient Helike Society in Aigion, Greece, and Steven Soter, a geophysicist with New York University’s Center for Ancient Studies, said they had found the lost city - not in the sea but on the coastal plain next to it, near Aigion, about 45 miles northwest of Corinth. It may have been gradually raised by seismic activity, said Dr. Soter. Moreover, he said, three rivers feeding the coastal plain deposit sediment that helps build it up. In expeditions every summer, Dr. Soter and his colleagues have uncovered more and more of the city, including a road that goes almost a mile across the plain, walls, buildings, coins, pottery and a cemetery, although they have not found the center of the city yet.

Recently they have found a whole new and unknown city, dating from 2200 B.C., the early Bronze Age, near Helike. The sediments of this ruin contain marine and lagoonal microfauna, Dr. Soter said, suggesting that it too, may have been swallowed by an earthquake and a tidal wave like Helike, but 2,000 years earlier, only to rise again. It may be, he said, that there have been recurrent floods and abandonments on the plain, the land rising and sinking, cities blooming out of the reborn mud.

There is in the picture a kind of immortality for the dead, as well as for the perennials blooming on the flood plain. If Helike can give rise to the vision of an Atlantis, a collection of scrolls can forever change our concept of learning and memory and empty stones can inspire us to reveries, what can we expect from jazz, gumbo and soft air at one of the trading crossroads of the world, so blessed and cursed with water?

New Orleans will never die. It is already larger than life.

Posted by Ronald Reagan's Ghost     on 09/05/2005 at 08:55 PM   
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   Wednesday - August 17, 2005

A Day In The Life

It’s been one of those days. Up to my ass in alligators while I try to drain the swamp. It’s a damned good thing they throw lots of money at me to make me put up with this crap at work. If any of you are thinking about a career in computers, i.e., Information Systems or Information Technology .... RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!

I need a drink and about five hours of nothing but silence. Cable is finally back on at home so I can surf and blog again. Thanks to Frank for filling in today. He done great (he always do). I know many of you have been trying to get in touch with me (my Inbox currently has 632 messages that have stacked up over the last few days). I’m sure there’s some pretty danged good Moonbat stories in there and I’ll get them posted as soon as I can. It may take me a day or two to catch up but I’ll do my best.

In the meantime, help me figure out this deeply philosophical question: Statistically speaking, there absolutely has to be other life-forms out in space. Don’t argue, the numbers say it’s so. Now for the problem - also according to statistics, at any one point in time, a certain percentage of the population on Earth is positively, stark-raving, Barking-Moonbat mad. Now, apply that same statistical percentage to the universe. What are the odds that some Liberal nut-case Frgzlhif creature from the planet Frgzl is out there right now watching us and thinking of ways to “improve” life on Earth? How badly is it gonna hurt when he/she/it finally decides and applies the “solution” on our heads?

Scratch your heads (and/or your butts) and help me figure out if my HMO will cover “Frgzlhif Damage” ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/17/2005 at 04:10 PM   
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   Wednesday - August 03, 2005

Laws Of Nature

"The Law of Volunteering”
If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

“The Law of Avoiding Oversell”
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

“The Law of Common Sense”
Never accept a drink from a urologist.

“The Law of Reality”
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

“The Law of Self Sacrifice”
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

“Weiler’s Law”
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.

“Law of Probable Dispersal”
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

“Law of Volunteer Labor”
People are always available for work in the past tense.

“Conway’s Law”
In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.

“Iron Law of Distribution”
Them that has, gets.

“Law of Cybernetic Entomology”
There is always one more bug.

“Law of Drunkenness”
You can’t fall off the floor.

“Heller’s Law”
The first myth of management is that it exists.

“Osborne’s Law”
Variables won’t; constants aren’t.

“Main’s Law”
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

“Weinberg’s Second Law”
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.

Add your own “Laws” in the comments ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/03/2005 at 05:42 PM   
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   Friday - July 15, 2005

P.O.R.N.

P.O.R.N: Purveyors Of Repeated Negativity

Optimism is dead! Long live pessimism! Here we start another day on planet Earth, fellow humans. Everything sucks and you’re all losers. Everything you do today will be wrong. Nothing is worth a damn anymore. Why even bother to get out of bed. Men, your penis isn’t large enough or hard enough. Women, your vagina stinks. Your teeth aren’t white enough, your kitchen has germs everywhere just waiting to kill you. Your husband doesn’t appreciate you. Your wife doesn’t love you, your parents hate you. More foolish soldiers died today in Iraq. The terrorists are winning. You retirement is unsafe and you don’t make enough money. Everything costs too much. And if you suffer from [insert symptom] then you need to talk to your doctor about [latest miracle pill from Merck/Lilly/Pfizer]. In tonight’s News, we examine crack babies, drug gangs, the crooks in Washington, corporate crime, floods in Bangladesh, murder in Spain, bombings in Israel and how much longer this drought will continue before global warming wipes us all out. Speaking of Washington, Democrats today called Republicans more nasty names and Republicans responded with “yeah, and yo momma”. Salaries of sports figures have skyrocketed to new highs with a new $50 billion contract signed between [pick a team] and [pick any prima-donna pitcher/quarterback/forward/goalie], but that’s OK because [pick any prima-donna pitcher/quarterback/forward/goalie] needs the money to pay for his cocaine addiction and/or pay off civil suits in rape cases.

How do you feel after reading all that? Depressed? Tired? Frustrated? Is it any wonder that more and more people in this country are taking Prozac, Paxil or any of a dozen anti-depressents currently being marketed by doctors and drug companies? The sun has just barely made it over the horizon and we are all of us already under attack from the P.O.R.N. merchants. The attacks will continue all day long. You will be the recipient of constant barrages of negativity on TV, Radio, newspapers, blog sites, e-mail, snail-mail .... hell, everywhere you turn today you’re going to get hit with another wave of bitter, agonizing .... nihilism. It’s all bad, so why bother? Choose nothing over negative. There is no such thing as positive anymore. All is hateful, all is useless.

The Muslims hate the Christians, the Christians hate each other, the Democrats hate the Republicans, the Republicans hate the socialists, the socialists hate the fascists, the environmentalists hate the business people, the business people hate the poor, the poor hate everyone, the rich hate themselves, the gays hate the straights, the blacks hate the whites, the orientals hate the occidentals, but you know what .... the dolphins don’t care .... they just keep smiling and laughing at all of us.

They say there are only three things we all know for sure:

1- I am here
2- This is now
3- Everything else is just guesswork

On the other hand, I “know a few other things”: I know who I am, I know what I am capable of, I know the sun rose this morning on a beautiful day. I know I live in a “shining city on a hill”. I didn’t have a hangover and I didn’t need any pills to start the day. The air smells good and clean. I feel good. And to all the P.O.R.N. people out there, all I have to say is ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 07/15/2005 at 10:31 AM   
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   Saturday - July 02, 2005

Fourth Of July: Things To Consider

While you’re gearing up for the holiday weekend, here are few things for you to mentally chew over ....

• What would have happened if George Washington had accepted the will of a large number of the population and accepted the position of King of America?


• What if slaves from Africa had never been brought to America?


• They say Democracy is the worst form of government but it’s better than all the rest. How would you improve the current system of government we have?


• Do you think term limits on Senators and Supreme Court Justices should be imposed and how long do you think each should serve?


• Americans are complaining about Gitmo and the Patriot Act. How is this different from internment camps, rationing and other “inconveniences” we have had to endure in past wars?


• Would you consider a National ID Card that could be used in lieu of driver’s licenses, passports, etc. and allow for electronic voting with instant verification?


• If you bought your house five years ago and paid $200,000 for it and it is currently appraised at $240,000 and your city offered you $220,000 for the property in order to build a shopping mall, would you accept? How about if they wanted to build a bypass road that would ease severe traffic problems in your city?


• Where does it say in the Constitution that the government has a responsibility to take care of you in your old age and provide you with retirement money and medical care?

Posted by The Skipper     on 07/02/2005 at 09:05 AM   
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   Saturday - June 25, 2005

Hello .. Is There Anybody In There?

Posted by The Skipper     on 06/25/2005 at 01:23 AM   
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   Friday - May 27, 2005

Ponderances

• Who is your favorite news commentator and why?


• Qualify happiness.


• What is the best thing you do for your physical health?


• What is the best thing you do for your mental health?


• What does Christianity have to do with being human?

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/27/2005 at 03:36 AM   
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   Thursday - May 26, 2005

Zen

It’s 2:00am.

Everyone in the neighborhood is asleep. Well, almost everyone. I wake up from a pleasant dream and feel like doing something naughty. Lacking a current “lady-friend”, my options are limited (applications are being accepted, however). On an inspiration, I pull on a t-shirt and gym shorts (I sleep commando). I sneak quietly down the stairs and silently open the front door. Quick glances left and right and a sudden dash in my bare feet out onto the lawn.

Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh ....

Suddenly I realize .... there is nothing bad that can happen to me during the day that can’t be cured by a 2:00am safari out onto the lawn with the moonlight beaming down, a silent city of millions around me and .... the grass tickling my toes.

Shhhhhhh. The dew is starting to settle on the green around me, shining in the silvery light. This is Nirvana.

Then it dawns on me .... there’s not enough grass in the Middle East. Too much sand. I smile.

Epiphany.

Back to sleep. Work arrives with the dawn .... but I have solved the world’s major problem.

I will gladly accept the Nobel Peace Prize for discovering the joy of toes in the grass after midnight.

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/26/2005 at 02:00 AM   
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   Sunday - May 22, 2005

Intellectual Ammo Department

In the never-ending struggle against moonbats, we find ourselves confronting certain questions, time and time again.  Here are some of the most common ones I run into.  What say you about them?

(1):  How do you persuade a person who refuses to accept reasonable or logical demonstration?

(2):  How do you lead a rational life in an irrational society?

(3):  What rights must you have before other rights become possible?

(4):  Can anyone have a right to any thing or service that someone else must provide?

(5):  Can there be such a thing as “group rights” or “collectivized rights?”

Posted by Tannenberg     on 05/22/2005 at 05:32 PM   
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   Sunday - May 01, 2005

Mid-Term Exam

Here are five tiny little questions to tickle your thoughts as you relax over the weekend ....

• What was here before the universe came into existence?
• What is the difference between a terrorist, an insurgent, and a revolutionary?
• It has been said that when death occurs there is no transitional state - you’re either alive or you’re not alive. Can the same be said about conception and/or birth?
• If you could go back in time and change one thing in your life, what would it be and how would you change it?
• If you woke up tomorrow and every human of your gender had disappeared from the Earth except for you, what or who would you do first?

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/01/2005 at 12:28 PM   
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   Thursday - April 28, 2005

Who Is John Galt?

A little bedtime reading for those who are unsure of what the meaning of life is, we present a message from the “Man who Stopped The Motor Of The World” ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 04/28/2005 at 08:24 PM   
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

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It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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