Wednesday - September 15, 2004

Another Top Ten List

Top Ten Ways Hurricane Season Is Like Christmas:

10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows)

9. Dragging out boxes that haven’t been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights)

8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores

7. Regular TV shows are pre-empted for “specials”

6. Family coming to stay with you

5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling

4. Buying food you don’t normally buy ... and in large quantities

3. Days off from work

2. Candles

And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas ...

At some point you know you’re going to have a tree in your house!

(-- Thanx to Ric)

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/15/2004 at 08:17 PM   
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Are We Having Fun Yet?

I’m sorry but Vilmar and I just had to have a little fun with you good folks today. I was getting VERY concerned about the boy since I hadn’t heard from him in nearly a week. When he finally showed up back at the BMEWS Florida Office I was relieved. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, we run this blog to entertain and to inform. To educate and to learn. But mostly we run it to rant and rave and have fun doing it. I look at Howard Dean and Al Gore turning into spitting, deranged monsters and take that as an example of what NOT to become. Sure, a lot of things piss me and Vilmar off but life is too short to blow a fuse like Al Gore evidently has done and we sure as hell couldn’t sleep at night if we started making up shit just to stroke our egos like Michael Moore and Dan Rather have done.

I’ll be on-line for sure until tomorrow evening when we’re supposed to get the worst of the winds and rain. I will probably lose power tomorrow night but Vilmar will continue to guide you “into the light”. And of course, I’ll be back.

Our on-line petition to have CBS investigated for possible fraud is getting more and more signatures. After less than 24 hours we already have 100 signatures. Spread the word and get people to go sign it. There is a groundswell growing to have an investigation and possibly press criminal charges. US Representative Chris Cox, R-CA (yes, Virginia, there are Republicans in California) is calling for a Congressional investigation. We need to keep applying pressure so this kind of media bias and blatant fraud gets exposed and stopped.

I leave you for now with the latest on Ivan The Terrible ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/15/2004 at 06:18 PM   
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A Coup Averted

I go away for a few days and what happens?  My Minister Of Propaganda attempts to stage a palace coup. (see the previous post’s update comments below)

I thought I could trust him.  I did not worry while I was gone and figured he’d attempt anything.

So I come back, find little hints here and there that something was afoot, and decided I’d better get back in the swing of things.  But I was not quick enough.

Thanks to several BMEWS readers I was able to discover that Allan joined forces with AlGore, Michael Moore, Al Franken and Dan Rather.  Quick action on my part allowed me to capture Allan before too much brain damage was done (he was found in a room with Teresa Heinz-Ketchup playing “post-office!” All I heard was Teresa saying things like “is that BULK rate or are you just happy to see me?” and Allan saying, “can I slide my “package” through your automatic canceller?”

It was disgusting.

I knocked him out and dragged him out of there.  Last I heard was Teresa yelling, “don’t take him away.  It’s only ketchup!!  It’s not what you think!!”

Right now I have locked him up and will only allow him to post the Daily Dose.  In the meantime he is in rehab, resting.  He’s angry but he’ll get over it.  It’s for his own good.

If anyone has ideas as to what his punishment/rehab therapy ought to be, please let me know.  I’d rather not subject him to intense torture unless it is necessary.  The Dictator side of me says I ought to yank out his fingernails and dip his stubs in electrified salt water but I am trying to become a Compassionate AS WELL AS Benevolent Dictator.

So for now I’m leaning towards taped Ronald Reagan speeches, John Wayne movies, Tom Clancy novels and pictures of guns in order to snap him out of these coup tendencies.

Terry McAuliffe contacted my legal division and wants to ransom Allan but I told Terry to go perform unnatural sexual acts upon himself and as well as on all his DNC cronies.  I’ve heard nothing back so can only assume he’s attempting to have carnal knowledge of himself.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 09/15/2004 at 02:44 PM   
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The Rumors Are True---I am BAAAAACK!!

Boy howdy!  I go away for a few days and all SORTS of crap hits the fan!  A couple of knives get shoved in my back.  Scurrilous accusations about my loyalty and allegiance are made.  Demands for DNA testing.  Hype about traitorous behavior.

With friends like you guys, who the fuck needs enemies?!?!?!?! 

But I am back.  And full of piss and vinegar.  First, though, the visit.

Given all that’s happened/not happened, there’s no way I’d have done anything differently regarding this visit.  It was a long time in coming and I was not about to change it.  I already had to delay it once because of that bitch, Frances.  I did not want to do it again. 

So I finally got to see my grand daughter................. and what a little sweetie! REALLY!!! (I guess all grandparents will say that even if the child is a spawn of the devil.)

But she IS sweet............and well tempered...............and happy.....................and a little doll.  I will have to buy my son a couple of shotguns to keep the boys at bay when she hits her teens!  She JUMPS into wakefulness with no grumpiness and no crying and immediately gives everyone a HUGE smile.  She LOVES getting bathed and playing in the water.  When awake, she’s always playful, never grumpy.  She eats what she’s given with no fussing.  And she LOVES to eat................and grab at the hair on Grandpa’s chinny-chin-chin.

The visit went really well and I got a chance to see my son and daughter-in-law in action as parents.  To say I was impressed would be an understatement. Like all things, when separated by such great distances for so long (as I’ve been over the past 13 years) with only phone calls, photos and the occasional visit to guide my opinions, it is human nature to allow the mind’s eye to formulate opinions/impressions based on those aforementioned observations.  Mine were favorable prior to the visit but wary, too, as I did not want to be too optimistic (I’ve always lived by the rule that it you are pessimistic you can never be disappointed!) But my high expectations paled in height and scope compared to what I actually experienced during the visit.

Needless to say I am tremendously proud of both of them and I left knowing Trinity is in loving, caring (and great) hands!

The only thing that spoiled the visit was the situation with Hurricane Ivan.  For the first few days my waking hours were focused 50/50 on the visit and on the path of Ivan.  I was worried for my parents given that projections had it hitting the west coast by Tampa.  Then Sunday rolled around and focus turned to the Panhandle.  I was able to relax a bit and my only concern then became whether I’d be held up in Dallas if Ivan’s tropical force winds caused flights to be delayed in Tampa.  But that was not the case.

Of course, not all went well during the visit.  Dan’s computer decided it wanted to bite the big one on the third day there so I was not able to check mail.  We tried formatting the hard drive a couple of times and each time kept getting different results whenever we either tried loading the operating system, getting on line or loading MacAfee. In between trying to fix the box, playing with Trinity, caring for her needs, enjoying each other’s company, visiting with great-grandpa and lots of other stuff, we just ran out of time and could not fix the beast.

We figure either the problem is hardware related (motherboard?) (hard drive?--- it DID have some bad sectors) or software related (I lean away from that one since it is not probable that all the disks we used are corrupt) Anyway, Number One son is going to buy a new HD and give that a try.

There you have it.  The reasons for my seeming quiet the past few days.

Still in the process of going through correspondence and reading what’s happening in the news.  I’ll start posting soon.

And pix will also be posted!

Memo To All: Allan here! It’s lies, all lies, I tells ya! Vilmar is dead and I killed him. Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha .... this post evidently came from from some evil hacker. I’m in charge now. I rule BMEWS. I am king. Vilmar is dead and flushed down the toilet!!!! Bwah-hah-ha-h-ha ....

Memo To Self:Jeez! Maybe I need to stop taking those special pills Al Gore sent me. Whaddya think?

Self To Memo:Yep, I’d say you need to throw those “special pills” out.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 09/15/2004 at 12:26 PM   
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He’s Back!

I just got an e-mail from Vilmar. He made it back home to Florida last night. His flight got in late and he’s resting. I expect he’ll be catching up on all the excitement of the last week. He hasn’t had access to the internet since last Thursday. There’s a LOT of catching up to do. Look for the explosion from our Benevolent Dictator later today. Stand clear!

Update: OK. you folks caught me out. Vilmar is not back. I killed him, chopped the body up and ran the pieces through my garbage disposal. Now, I’m in charge! Bwah-hah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/15/2004 at 06:09 AM   
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Ivan The Terrible - Latest Update

Like lemmings, they are fleeing North from the Gulf Coast. I-65 is almost bumper-to-bumper traffic from Mobile to Birmingham. Traffic is so thick the State Of Alabama is considering closing the southbound lanes of I-65 and opening both sides of the interstate for northbound traffic from Mobile to Montgomery.  Update: According to Alabama State Troopers, both sides of I-65 from Mobile to Montgomery will be northbound only, starting at 7am today. Southbound traffic is being re-routed to US Hwy 31. Here is a list of open shelters in the area.

Things shouldn’t get too bad here in Huntsville, although we’ll probably get strong winds (50-70 mph gusts expected) and heavy rain on Friday.

Unfortunately, Ivan is following all of the lemmings fleeing North .... (* cue up theme music from “Jaws” in background *) .... the hurricane track takes Ivan straight up I-65 to Birmingham and follows I-59 from there up to Chattanooga. Let’s hope this one loses strength pretty quickly after landfall.

More Bad News Update: Another tropical storm is moving over Puerto Rico at this moment. Hurricane Jeanne is coming.

LARGE HURRICANE IVAN DANGEROUSLY APPROACHING THE NORTHERN GULF
COAST...WINDS ALREADY INCREASING…

A HURRICANE WARNING IS IN EFFECT FROM GRAND ISLE LOUISIANA TO
APALACHICOLA FLORIDA...INCLUDING THE GREATER NEW ORLEANS AREA AND
LAKE PONTCHARTRAIN.

AT 4 AM CDT...0900Z...THE LARGE EYE OF HURRICANE IVAN WAS LOCATED
NEAR LATITUDE 26.1 NORTH...LONGITUDE 87.8 WEST OR ABOUT 220
MILES...SOUTH-SOUTHEAST OF THE MOUTH OF THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER.

IVAN IS MOVING TOWARD THE NORTH-NORTHWEST NEAR 12 MPH. A GRADUAL
TURN TO THE NORTH IS EXPECTED TODAY. ON THIS TRACK...THE CORE OF
IVAN WILL BE NEAR THE COAST WITHIN THE WARNING AREA IN ABOUT 24
HOURS.

IVAN CONTINUES AS AS A EXTREMELY DANGEROUS CATEGORY FOUR HURRICANE
ON THE SAFFIR/SIMPSON SCALE HURRICANE SCALE WITH MAXIMUM SUSTAINED
WINDS NEAR 140 MPH WITH HIGHER GUSTS.  SOME FLUCTUATIONS IN
INTENSITY ARE EXPECTED DURING THE NEXT 24 HOURS BUT IVAN IS
EXPECTED TO MAKE LANDFALL AS A MAJOR HURRICANE...AT LEAST CATEGORY
THREE.

IVAN IS A LARGE HURRICANE. HURRICANE FORCE WINDS EXTEND OUTWARD UP
TO 105 MILES...FROM THE CENTER...AND TROPICAL STORM FORCE WINDS
EXTEND OUTWARD UP TO 260 MILES.

COASTAL STORM SURGE FLOODING OF 10 TO 16 FEET ABOVE NORMAL TIDE
LEVELS...ALONG WITH LARGE AND DANGEROUS BATTERING WAVES...CAN BE
EXPECTED NEAR AND TO THE EAST OF WHERE THE CENTER MAKES LANDFALL.
LESSER...BUT STILL SIGNIFICANT SURGE VALUES WILL BE EXPERIENCED
WHERE ONSHORE FLOW OCCURS WEST OF THE CENTER.  WATER LEVELS ARE
ALREADY RUNNING UP TO 1 FOOT ABOVE NORMAL ALONG THE NORTH GULF
COAST...AND WILL BE INCREASING TODAY.

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/15/2004 at 05:07 AM   
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   Tuesday - September 14, 2004

Ivan The Terrible - Update

Hurricane Ivan is entering the Gulf Of Mexico at this moment. This one is a killer, folks. I know because I experienced Ivan’s older sister back in 1969. Her name was Camille and she followed almost the exact same track, with the same killer 160 mpg winds, aiming for Mobile, AL where I was living at the time. I remember the devastation and total destruction. It was almost like a nuclear war hit us. My advice to everyone living in that area is .... run away as fast as you can. This one is going to hurt. Real bad. If you live between Gulfport, MS and Pensacola, FL please take I-65 North or I-10 West and get moving. By Wednesday night it will be too late.

A HURRICANE WATCH REMAINS IN EFFECT FOR THE NORTHERN GULF OF MEXICO
COAST FROM MORGAN CITY LOUISIANA EASTWARD TO ST. MARKS FLORIDA…
INCLUDING GREATER NEW ORLEANS LOUISIANA.

AT 5 AM EDT...0900Z...THE EYE OF HURRICANE IVAN WAS LOCATED BY A
RECONNAISSANCE PLANE NEAR LATITUDE 22.6 NORTH...LONGITUDE 86.0
WEST OR ABOUT 85 MILES...135 KM...NORTHWEST OF THE WESTERN TIP OF
CUBA AND 575 MILES… 925 KM… SOUTH-SOUTHEAST OF THE NORTHERN
GULF OF MEXICO COAST.

IVAN IS MOVING TOWARD THE NORTHWEST NEAR 9 MPH...15 KM/HR. A GRADUAL
TURN TO THE NORTH-NORTHWEST IS EXPECTED DURING THE NEXT 24 HOURS.

MAXIMUM SUSTAINED WINDS ARE NEAR 160 MPH...260 KM/HR...WITH HIGHER
GUSTS.  IVAN REMAINS AN EXTREMELY DANGEROUS CATEGORY 5 HURRICANE ON
THE SAFFIR-SIMPSON HURRICANE SCALE.  SOME SLIGHT WEAKENING IS
ANTICIPATED DURING THE NEXT 24 HOURS.

HURRICANE FORCE WINDS EXTEND OUTWARD UP TO 100 MILES...160 KM…
FROM THE CENTER...AND TROPICAL STORM FORCE WINDS EXTEND OUTWARD UP
TO 200 MILES...325 KM.

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/14/2004 at 05:08 AM   
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Speak English, Dammit!

This story may have slipped underneath your radar like it did mine and if Vilmar were here he’d be all over this like white on rice. I wasn’t aware of it but back in the Clinton administration, a law was passed (Executive Order 13166) that requires doctors to provide translators for patients who don’t speak English. Think about that for a minute. Doctors must pay for translators to help them talk to patients who don’t speak English. That is an outrage, people. This is just one more thing driving up the cost of medical care in this country. Do you have any idea how many different languages there are in the world .... and all of these people coming to America from all over the world are too damned lazy to learn English?

Well, several medical groups have sued the Department of Health & Human Services to have the law overturned. I support the doctors 100%. They should not have to provide translation services for people. That is a violation of their civil rights and an intrusion into their business by the nanny-state that our government has become.

For hundreds of years people have been coming to this country speaking hundreds of languages. They all learned English as their primary language because this nation needs a common language to allow us to communicate on a regular basis. Any attempt to build a multi-lingual country here is bound to fail because of the immense number of diverse ethnic backgrounds we all came from. I firmly believe that fluency in English should be a requirement for American citizenship. If you can’t speak English so that we all can talk to each other then you need to go back where you came from.

I don’t care if you have a horrible accent, as long as you can understand me and I can understand you. We can’t do that if we’re speaking different languages. It’s time to make English the official national language and be done with this problem before it gets much worse. If you want to speak Spanish, Chinese, French, Russian, German, Indian, Pakistani, Farsi or whatever in your home or within your social group, that’s fine but when it comes to communicating with the rest of America .. SPEAK ENGLISH, OK?

For more information about making English the official language go visit ProEnglish.Org.

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/14/2004 at 04:32 AM   
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   Monday - September 13, 2004

Has Vilmar Sold Us Out?

I received this photo of our Benevolent Dictator, purportedly at an undisclosed location, practicing for Kerry’s inauguration in January. It came in a plain brown envelope postmarked “SEE-BS News, New York, NY”.  Can this be true? Has Vilmar indeed sold us out? Aarrrrgggghhhhhhhhh!

What will we do now? Somewhere Dan Ra^ther is smiling ....

Hurry! Enter your candidate in the Fantistic Forgery Fun Fest below. We need to know who is attempting to besmirch the good names of Conservatives everywhere.

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/13/2004 at 06:15 PM   
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   Sunday - September 12, 2004

Monster Takes Aim At Panama City

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/12/2004 at 05:05 PM   
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Weekly Roundup

Axis Of Evil Weekly Report:

A large explosion and mushroom cloud were observed in North Korea yesterday. Korean Commies claim it was just an “accident”. Yeah, right.

The Europeans ask Iran to stop producing nuclear fuel. Iran tells Europe to piss off. Goes ahead with nuke program.

Axis Of Stupidity Weekly Report:

John Kerry says Republicans are going to keep black folks from voting in November. No word from Kerry on how evil Repbulicans plan on doing it while the UN and Jimmy Carter are watching.

John Edwards still lives in a divided America. There are those who believe what John Kerry said yesterday and those who believe what he said today.

Axis Of Butterflies Weekly Report:

Hurricane Ivan smashes Jamaica, 56 dead, headed for Florida panhandle. Tons of ganja weed found floating toward Cuba. Castro announces holiday.

The National Weather Service says there is a 45% chance of an “above-average” hurricane season. African butterflies are in a rowdy mood this year.

Axis Of Losers Weekly Report:

Nowadays you can get arrested for leaving too small a tip. No, really. Even if you have a snooty waiter.

Europeans can’t figure out how to spell their currency. Why are we not surprised? We suggest spelling it E-U-R-I-N-E.

Axis Of Lunatics Weekly Report:
It is now illegal to have sex with a corpse in California. What have those Californicators been up to lately that they needed to pass this law? On second thought, I don’t want to know.

In Scotland, a woman is suing her former boss because he told her that her “tits were enormous”. I guess some women just can’t take a compliment.

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/12/2004 at 05:03 AM   
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   Friday - September 10, 2004

Live From Baghdad!

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/10/2004 at 06:06 PM   
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   Thursday - September 09, 2004

Uh-Oh

Already 11 dead in the Caribbean. Currently a strong category 4 hurricane with winds of 145 mph. Time for Floridians to do the “I-95 Shuffle” again.

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/09/2004 at 02:46 AM   
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   Wednesday - September 08, 2004

Now You’re Talking!

The Russian Bear has awakened .. and he is pissed. Officials in the Russian government announced today that they are considering “pre-emptive strikes” against terrorist bases around the world. Hot-diggity-damn! It’s about time!

MOSCOW - A wounded Russia threatened Wednesday to strike against terrorists “in any region of the world,” offered a $10 million reward for information leading to the killing or capture of Chechnya (news - web sites)’s top rebel leaders, and criticized the United States for its willingness to hold talks with Chechen separatists.

What are the Russians talking about when they criticize us for our “willingness to hold talks with Chechen seperatists”? Well, read this news article and you’ll see what is going on with that. Here’s an excerpt ....

WASHINGTON - Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld denounced the attack on a Russian school in which more than 350 people were killed as part of a global struggle with extremists.

But the State Department, while joining in condemnation of last week’s attack, said Russia ultimately must hold political talks with rebellious Chechen leaders who are determined to break away from the Russian Federation.

And stepping around an angry declaration by Russian President Vladimir Putin ruling out negotiations, Secretary of State Colin Powell said Tuesday, “All parties including the Russian Federation have been looking for a political solution to the crisis in Chechnya.”

Basically what I’m reading here is that Rummy pretty much thinks the Russians are “right on” to want to strike back at the murderers of children and once again Colin Powell is making an ass of himself. I’m getting pretty fed up with Powell. I wonder what he would say if those children had been American children. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Powell Must Go! He and the liberal weenies at the State Department are sending confusing signals to everyone, our friends and enemies alike. It’s time for “W” to give him the boot after November.

As for the Russians, I say not only let them go ahead but assist them. I think the two remaining superpowers can clean up this radical Islam bullshit prety quickly if the dogs of war are really unleashed. Including the nuclear dogs ..

Col.-Gen. Yuri Baluyevsky, chief of the general staff of Russia’s armed forces, asserted Russia’s right to strike terrorists beyond its borders.

“As for carrying out preventive strikes against terrorist bases ... we will take all measures to liquidate terrorist bases in any region of the world,” he told reporters.

And how do the Russians feel about Powell and the US State Department’s urging the Russians to hold talks with the Chechen terrorists? Yep, you guessed it ....

Responding to a statement by State Department spokesman Richard Boucher, Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov said Wednesday that “we solve our internal problems ourselves and there’s no need to search for an American route to political normalization in Chechnya,” Interfax reported.

Foreign Ministry spokesman Alexander Yakovenko also lashed out at the United States, saying talks with Chechens linked to rebel leaders are “absolutely unacceptable.”

“After all, we are talking about those individuals who stand behind bloody attacks by terrorists in Russia, which have drawn the indignation of the entire civilized word,” Yakovenko said in a statement.

Memo To Secretary Powell and The US State Department: Let me translate that for you .. what the Russians are saying is that with 400 dead school children on their hands they feel that you can go piss up a rope and mind your own f**king business. Got that?

And if that’s not enough for you, pay careful attention to what President Putin had to say ....

LONDON: Russian President Vladimir Putin has forcefully ruled out any negotiations with Chechen separatists following the deaths of more than 350 people in a hostage-taking crisis in southern Russia, The Guardian newspaper reported on Tuesday. He also ruled out a public inquiry into the disaster.

“Why don’t you meet Osama bin Laden, invite him to Brussels or to the White House and engage in talks, ask him what he wants and give it to him so he leaves you in peace? Why don’t you do that?” The Guardian quoted Putin as saying late on Monday in a lengthy meeting with foreign journalists and academics at his country home outside Moscow.

“You find it possible to set some limitations in your dealings with these bastards, so why should we talk to people who are child killers?

“No one has a moral right to tell us to talk to child killers,” The Guardian quoted him as saying.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but Margaret Thatcher, whom I’ve met more than once, said: ‘A man who comes out into the street to kill other people must himself be killed,”‘ he was quoted as saying.

Dammit! I’m really starting to like Putin. It’s too bad Powell is trying to piss him off. We need Putin and the Russians on our side. Whaddya say, folks? Let’s just fire Powell and invite Pooty-Poot to Texas for a real barbecue where we can discuss a few issues like (1) how to help us take Iran and Syria out of the picture and (2) scare the f**k out of the rest of the Islamic world (including Chechnya) while doing it.

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/08/2004 at 02:21 PM   
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

1. Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
2. Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
3. Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
4. Keep talking to each other, whether here or elsewhere

It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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