Wednesday - October 19, 2011

He’ll be back!

I had to think awhile: is posting this being disrespectful? Then I decided he’d probably have laughed at it himself.

Posted by Christopher     on 10/19/2011 at 08:54 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor • Motorvators •  
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   Saturday - October 15, 2011

crowder, occupied

Posted by Drew458     on 10/15/2011 at 03:50 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor • Politically-Incorrect •  
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   Thursday - October 13, 2011

Miscellaneous Jokes

A few jokes I stumbled over while reading my email backlog…

This — after President Obama suggested to PM Benjamin Netanyahu that Israel return to its 1967 borders:

Dear President Obama,

I am writing today with a somewhat unusual request. First and foremost, I will be asking that you return the United States to its August 20th, 1959 borders so that Hawaii is no longer a state and you are no longer a citizen.

Sincerely,
Benjamin Netanyahu
Prime Minister of Israel

President’s Day

While out eating lunch recently, I overheard a conversation between a mother and her young son.

“What is tomorrow?” she asked him.

“It’s President’s Day,” the boy replied

“What does that mean?” she asked.

The boy paused thoughtfully for a moment, and responded, “President’s Day is when Obama steps out of the White House and if he sees his shadow, we have 2 more years of unemployment and stupidity.”

I almost snorted my iced tea.

Obama at the bank

Barack Obama walks into the bank to cash a check. “Good morning, Ma’am,” he greets the cashier, “could you please cash this check for me?”

“It would be my pleasure, sir. Could you please show me your ID?”

“Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. I am President Barack Obama, the president of the United States of America!”

“Yes, sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations, monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers, etc, I must insist on seeing ID.”

“Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.”

“I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.”

“I am urging you please to cash this check.”

“Ok, this is what we can do Mr. President: One day Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check. Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot, making the tennis ball land in my cup. With that spectacular shot we cashed his check. So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the president of the United States?”

Obama stands there thinking and finally says, “Honestly, there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can’t think of a single thing I’m good at.”

“Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?”

Native wisdom

Barack Obama went camping in the desert with a Native American. After they set their tent up, both men fell asleep.

A few hours later, the Indian woke Obama and said, “Look at the sky. What do you see?”

Obama replied, “I see millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?” asked the Indian.

Obama pondered for a minute, then said, “Astronomically, it tells me there are, uh, millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Chronologically, it appears to be approximately three in the morning. Theologically, we are small and insignificant. Uh, meteorologically, it looks like we’ll have a beautiful day tomorrow. What’s it tell you?”

“It tells me that someone stole the tent, you dummy.”

Libya wants a new Muslim leader. I say give them ours.

Posted by Christopher     on 10/13/2011 at 07:58 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor • Obama, The One •  
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   Friday - September 30, 2011

MOOvin With MOOchelle

Posted by Drew458     on 09/30/2011 at 09:12 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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   Thursday - September 29, 2011

We’ll Call It A Draw!

Posted by Christopher     on 09/29/2011 at 10:52 PM   
Filed Under: • CHESS • Fun-Stuff • Humor •  
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This, too, has a name

The serial comma (also known as the Oxford comma or Harvard comma, and sometimes referred to as the series comma) is the comma used immediately before a coordinating conjunction (usually and or or, and sometimes nor) preceding the final item in a list of three or more items. For example, a list of three countries can be punctuated as either “Portugal, Spain, and France” (with the serial comma) or as “Portugal, Spain and France” (without the serial comma).

Opinions vary among writers and editors on the usage or avoidance of the serial comma. In American English, the serial comma is standard usage in non-journalistic writing that follows the Chicago Manual of Style. Journalists, however, usually follow the AP Stylebook, which advises against it. It is used less often in British English, where it is standard usage to leave it out, with some notable exceptions such as Fowler’s Modern English Usage. In many languages (e.g., French, German, Italian, Polish, Spanish), the serial comma is not the norm and may even go against punctuation rules. It may be recommended in many cases, however, to avoid ambiguity or to aid prosody (the voice - tone and meter - of what you are writing).

News to me. Never knew that those extra commas had a name. I seem to recall that I was taught to use them and to realize that they were used correctly by analyzing my sentence and removing the text between the commas; if the sentence still read properly then the commas were used properly. Which I just explained in a big long sentence without a single comma in it that actually needed a bit of prosody just like this sentence does.

While this seems like some funny bit from The Oatmeal’s never ending fight for proper grammar, I got it from FatKidAtCamp.com. You can easily see how it reduces ambiguity. Except in San Francisco.

Posted by Drew458     on 09/29/2011 at 01:47 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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   Thursday - September 22, 2011

I Googled Myself!

I was going to comment on the current problems, idiocies, and indeed flatulence going on.

I was going to quote a ‘poem’ I read when I was a Tenderfoot in the Boy Scouts.

I knew it was from Mad Magazine. I couldn’t remember the exact year.

So I Googled it, and came up with…me.

Very sad.

“With all these dire warnings
of pain, doom, and strife,
It’s hard to imagine
a fate worse than Life.”

The search term was

with all these dire warnings of pain doom and strife

First hit. BMEWS comments.

I gotta quit quoting myself!

Still don’t know what issue of Mad Magazine that appeared in. I’m guessing 1971-72.

Posted by Christopher     on 09/22/2011 at 03:51 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor • Personal •  
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Cars so ugly they should be towed!

Go here for more nasty cars.

Example: Number 13

Yep. This one’s for you, Drew!

Posted by Christopher     on 09/22/2011 at 02:49 PM   
Filed Under: • Blog Stuff • Humor •  
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Save a Liberal!

Why?

Seriously, why? Isn’t it Obama’s job to save liberals? Why should you or I do it? We are supposed to wait for the government Obama to help save us…

Almost forgot to give Tammy Bruce as the source.

Posted by Christopher     on 09/22/2011 at 02:12 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor • Obama, The One •  
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When Parents Tweet

It’s things like this that I avoid by NOT using Twitter. I do enough damage posting here!

See more Tweeting disasters here.

Posted by Christopher     on 09/22/2011 at 09:19 AM   
Filed Under: • Computers and Cyberspace • Daily Life • Humor •  
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   Wednesday - September 21, 2011

today’s funnies

click to enlarge

Posted by Drew458     on 09/21/2011 at 01:38 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
• Comments (4) • Trackbacks(0)  Permalink •  

   Sunday - September 18, 2011

nyuk nyuk nyuk

Posted by Drew458     on 09/18/2011 at 09:29 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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   Friday - September 16, 2011

Crowder Causing Trouble

Another new one from Steve Crowder, in which he reports Social Security to the SEC. It is a Ponzi scheme after all, and that’s illegal. Go Steve!

Posted by Drew458     on 09/16/2011 at 09:57 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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   Tuesday - September 13, 2011

Social Security Math

It may only be Tuesday, but my bet is that this is the best comment of the week from any blog:

Eric Praline commenting at Soylent Green, on Social Security being a Ponzi scheme and the GOP candidate’s kerfluffle over such a statement of truth:

Let’s break down the numbers: with a $100 trillion unfunded liability, and the average worker contributes $200,000 over a lifetime (according to investmentpedia, whatever that’s worth) that means 500 million new suckers are needed. With a sucker born every minute, that works out to about 950.6 years.

Romney’s right, that seems like a solid strategy to me. Can kicking FTW.

FTW is right. Effing fantastic.

Posted by Drew458     on 09/13/2011 at 03:11 PM   
Filed Under: • Government • Humor •  
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