Sunday - December 25, 2011

Last Second Christmas Post

In our family, there is almost always somebody who, late on Christmas day, suddenly leaps up and says “Oh! I had another present for _____, but I forgot to wrap it! I’ll be right back!” It almost never fails. This year it was the opposite; when my wife and I got done wrapping everything, we had one present left over. How did that happen? Who should we give it to?

So in the late afternoon, we brought it out and asked the crowd “Who doesn’t own a microplane?" Predictably, my SIL goes “What the !@#$ is a microplane?” So she got it. This is a family of cooks, so we all have several of them. Best woodworking tool that ever made its way into the kitchen drawer, they now come in several shapes and sizes and different gratings. But the thing started out as a wood rasp. Seriously. And is perfect for hard cheese, nutmeg, stick cinnamon, and so forth.

So anyway, here’s a last minute bit of Steve Crowder, that was hiding in a corner of my inbox.  And with that, I bid you goodnight.

Posted by Drew458     on 12/25/2011 at 11:33 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor • Politically-Incorrect •  
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   Tuesday - December 20, 2011

It Figures, Right?

In the inbox from reader Dave, a quick game of Name That Group

What a bunch of animals

We’ve all heard of

a herd of cows,



a flock of chickens,



a gaggle of geese,



and a pride of lions.

Some of us also know that you can have

a murder of crows,



and even an exultation of doves (cue heavenly music).


But what about baboons? The loudest, foulest, stupidest primate out there?

yeah, these red-assed idiots. What do you call a bunch of them all making a mess together?

Posted by Drew458     on 12/20/2011 at 02:12 PM   
Filed Under: • Animals • Humor •  
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Neener Neener Neener

Shoplifters robbed while stealing from grocery store

Two accused shoplifters got a taste of their own medicine when they sought to clear out of the crime--and found that a passing malefactor had broken into their own car.

Security personnel were in the process of questioning Korin Vanhouten, 47, and Eldon Alexander, 36, at an Ogden, Utah WinCo supermarket, accused of stealing makeup, energy bars and batteries. At the end of the interrogation, they left with a citation for attempted shoplifting.

However, they soon stumbled on to the scene of a successful carlifting, with the awkward discovery that while they were in the WinCo, someone--or several someones--had broken into their car.

And as it turned out, the ironies were just starting to multiply. For Vanhouten and Alexander proceeded to report the ransacking of their vehicle to the same officer who had issued them their shoplifting citation.

...

The car break-in reportedly happened while the police officer’s car was parked nearby.

Posted by Drew458     on 12/20/2011 at 10:06 AM   
Filed Under: • Crime • Humor •  
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   Friday - December 16, 2011

a stand-in post

Unfortunately, Bert’s first time at a Cowboy Action Shoot was also his last.

Posted by Drew458     on 12/16/2011 at 11:58 AM   
Filed Under: • Guns and Gun Control • Humor •  
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the eu declares war on the lonely helpless prune.

Lots of folks and mostly the Brits, wonder aloud just what the heck does the EU do that Brits can’t do for themselves.  People also wonder what new law or pronouncement will be forthcoming, as those jobsworths always seem to find something to pass their worldly judgement on.  And so they have. Again.
They have now declared war on the pitiful prune, who has harmed nobody.

I think I’ll file this one under humor, altho the Euro-weenies at the EU aren’t joking.
But it might provide you with a grin if not a laugh.

Prunes are not a laxative, EU rules

The EU has ruled that prunes do not have a laxative effect and producers must not say that they do.

By Donna Bowater

It comes after the organisation was mocked last month a ruling that led to a ban on claims that drinking water can prevent dehydration.
Despite a long held belief that prunes, traditionally served with custard, are good for improving bowel function, the European Food Safety Authority (EFSA) has ruled this is not the case.

Its experts said there was “insufficient” evidence of a link between the dried plums and normal bowel function after looking at three studies of prune consumption.
Sir Graham Watson MEP has now challenged an EU Commissioner to a prune-eating contest after his food safety committee ruled that prunes do not have a laxative effect.

Sir Graham, the Liberal Democrat member for South West England and Gibraltar, raised the issue in Strasbourg after the EU refused to recognise the high fibre content of fruits like pomegranates, berries and prunes.

“The European Commission’s advisory panel which does this work has rejected 95 per cent of claims for plant-based foods, maybe in many cases with good reason, but among the claims rejected is the claim that prunes have a laxative effect,” he said.

“I have asked the Commission if it is satisfied with the criteria and the methodology used for testing such claims because I know that prunes contain two substances sorbitol and dihydrophenylisatin, which have laxative effects. But most of our constituents do not require a scientific test.

“I have also invited the Commissioner responsible for health and consumer policy, John Dalli, to a prune eating contest to see for himself.”

Last month, the EU concluded there was no evidence to prove drinking water can prevent dehydration. The conclusions led to a ban on bottled water companies using the claim.

At the time, Conservative MEP Roger Helmer said: “This is stupidity writ large.
“The euro is burning, the EU is falling apart and yet here they are: highly-paid, highly-pensioned officials worrying about the obvious qualities of water and trying to deny us the right to say what is patently true.
“If ever there were an episode which demonstrates the folly of the great European project then this is it.”

read more, the lonely prune

Posted by peiper     on 12/16/2011 at 11:42 AM   
Filed Under: • EUro-peons • Humor •  
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   Wednesday - December 14, 2011

So Totally Busted

Joe Steinfeld, a 22-year old Rutgers graduate, claims authorship of the edgy, “tongue-in-cheek” map, which subdivides the Garden State into social, financial and ethnic realms. In less than 24 hours it has gone viral.

...

Steinfeld is a Westfield native, and currently works for the NJ Department of Environmental Protection, monitoring preserved lands and maintaining trails. He also works with the Geographic Information Systems, making maps of preserves and researching resource conservation.

...

“Oh, plenty of people have been chiming in, pointing out my inaccuracies, but for the most part, it’s been met with laughter and praise,” he said. “So far, I haven’t received any [negative feedback], so I feel pretty confident. I didn’t mean to offend any one group in particular, and for the most part, people have understood that it’s meant to be funny.”

After a few hours of searching Google Maps and using Photoshop to fill in a blank map of the state, Steinfeld has created a piece of internet gold, for better or worse.

In New Jersey, we spell “negative feedback” with 4 letters, beginning with “s”.

Here’s the map. Click it to go visit the big version.

It’s a good Joisey Joke if you don’t live here or know much of anything about the state. And if you do live here, then you know that this map is actually pretty damn accurate. See the “78” highway sign there on the left, underneath the first P in “Hill People”? Yeah, that’s me. And Pineys ... well, think hill billies, only without the benefit of hills. Flatland billies. Swamp rats. Several extra fingers to help play the banjo, kind of thing. What many outsiders don’t know about New Jersey is that about a fifth of the state is pretty much forest, and about a quarter of the state is pretty much deserted scrublands. That’s the Pine Barrens; almost empty. But NJ has the highest population density in America! Yes, because in the cities they’re packed in about 30 deep, maybe 40. And Camden really is the most God-awful shithole in the nation. Worse than Philly. Worse than Detroit. Even worse than Baltimore.

Posted by Drew458     on 12/14/2011 at 02:31 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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Sounds Familiar

Hey, I think this guy knows Peiper!

Posted by Drew458     on 12/14/2011 at 09:53 AM   
Filed Under: • Computers and Cyberspace • Humor •  
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   Friday - December 09, 2011

In my inbox

Reader Dave sends me a classic ....

*Why we shoot deer in the wild*

(A letter from someone who wants to remain anonymous, who farms, writes well and actually tried this.)

I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up—3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold ...

The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope ... and then received an education. The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer—no chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer’s momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in.
I didn’t want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite?

They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when ... I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and slide off to then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head—almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp ... I learned a long time ago that, when an animal like a horse strikes at you with their hooves and you can’t get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.  This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope ... to sort of even the odds!!

Posted by Drew458     on 12/09/2011 at 05:35 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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Happy Seasonal Celebration Greeting From PC Land North

Posted by Drew458     on 12/09/2011 at 05:29 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor • Politically Correct B.S. •  
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   Sunday - December 04, 2011

That’s (ahem) About The Size Of It

Posted by Drew458     on 12/04/2011 at 07:01 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor • Obama, The One •  
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   Thursday - December 01, 2011

clarkson advises shoot the strikers, union wants him investigated. screw the unions.

Jeremy Clarkson is known to be very outspoken. Sometimes his sense of humor causes distress among the left.  And that’s a good thing.
Well, this time he suggested on national TV that the union strikers should all be shot.  In front of their families.
Naturally it’s on BBC video.

RIGHT HERE.

Hey ... sometimes the guy is funny and anyway, serious or not, he says what ppl are thinking anyway.  But the thought police in the unions aren’t pleased and are

demanding a police investigation.  WTF?  Investigate what?  He said it, on TV. So what is there to probe?

Typical bone head unions. 
Anyway ... I second Clarkson’s motion with reservation about the family, and restrict it to the fat cat union bosses who organize the strikes.  Most of the comments that follow the article seem to support JC, as he’s often referred to.

I would have had them all SHOT! Clarkson’s rant at strikers branded silly by Cameron (and now union demands a police probe)

Unison taking legal advice about ‘appalling’ comments

David Cameron tells the Top Gear presenter it was a ‘silly thing to say’

Ed Miliband says the comments are ‘disgraceful and disgusting’

By JOHN STEVENS and ROB COOPER

Jeremy Clarkson could face a police investigation after he said that those striking should be shot.

Speaking on the BBC’s One Show he said that government workers refusing to work should be killed in front of their families.

Today Unison general secretary Dave Prentis said they were seeking ‘urgent legal advice’ about whether his comments had been referred to police.

A spokesman for Scotland Yard said they had not yet received a complaint.

Ed Miliband says the comments are ‘disgraceful and disgusting’
Yeah well, Comrade Miliband is highly disgusting to look at.  You must be in favor of anything Miliband is against. And against anything the comrade is for.

catch the link above for short clip.

Posted by peiper     on 12/01/2011 at 09:06 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor • Unions-Labor •  
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   Friday - November 18, 2011

A BRDWAY MUSICAL FOR BMEWS COURTESY OF RICHARD LITTLEJOHN

Littlejohn is one of our very favorites. Consistently brilliant but he’s outdone even himself with this one.
It’s brought about in large measure due to the financial mess in Europe and Germany’s role in things.
It does get a bit complicated and the post above will explain some of it.

Springtime for Merkel, starring in no particular order...
By RICHARD LITTLEJOHN

The crisis in the Eurozone goes from bad to worse, with two democratically-elected national leaders deposed already on the orders of the shadowy, federalist Frankfurt Group. Other countries teeter on the brink of financial and political turmoil.

Greek newspapers are depicting Chancellor Angela Merkel as Adolf Hitler, after she warned menacingly that unless the whole of Europe takes orders from Germany, the peace which has been maintained since the end of World War II cannot be guaranteed.

This seems like a good time to revive Mel Brooks’ masterpiece, The Producers.

In the movie, theatrical impresario Max Bialystock and his accountant Leopold Bloom set out to stage a musical, Springtime For Hitler, which will be a sure-fire flop. That way, Max can defraud his investors and make a fortune.

The euro, on the other hand, was designed to be a sure-fire success and has ended up defrauding an entire Continent.

(Overture and beginners)

The Eurozone is having trouble, what a sad, sad story,

Europe needs a leader to restore its former glory,

Where, oh where, is she?

Right here, in Germany.

She’s the one we need right now,

The original Iron Frau.

And so it’s . . .

Springtime for Merkel and Germany,
Meltdown for Ireland and Greece,

Showtime for President Sarkozy,

The markets are downgrading France,

Bang goes the doomed single currency,

Come on Germans, go into your dance.

In East Berlin, the volk are hurtin’

Should have stayed behind the Iron Curtain.

Don’t be stupid, be a smarty

Forget the Bunga Bunga Party.

Springtime for Merkel and Germany,

And Deutschland is rising again . . .

Springtime for Merkel and Germany,

Bail-outs for Europe’s bust banks,

Billions of euros gone down the drain,

Come on Germans, start revving your tanks.

Listen to Angela’s sermon

All of Europe’s speaking German.

Springtime for Merkel and Germany,

We’re creating a brand new hegemony . . .

Crunch time for Britain and Cameron,

Protests on the steps of St Paul’s,

The Tories want out of the Union,

But Cleggy’s got Dave by the . . .

Springtime for Merkel and Germany,

Make the City of London pay tax.

Come on Mervyn, be a honey,

Give us all the City’s money.

Springtime for Merkel and Germany,

Not if you study your history . . .

(Grand finale)

And so it’s . . .

Springtime for Merkel and Germany,

It looks like we’re going to war!

RICHARD LITTLEJOHN

Posted by peiper     on 11/18/2011 at 11:15 AM   
Filed Under: • Fun-Stuff • Humor • UK •  
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   Tuesday - November 15, 2011

no hope, no cash,

A quick and funny blurb from the column of Kevin Mackenzie.

Over the past ten years we’ve lost Bob Hope, Johnny Cash, Adam Faith, and now Steve Jobs.

So now we have no hope, no cash, no faith and finally, no jobs.

Let’s hope Ed Balls doesn’t die.

(note: Ed Balls is a left wing politician. Member of the Labour Party and an MP.)

Posted by peiper     on 11/15/2011 at 09:30 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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   Saturday - October 22, 2011

Time to order

This morning I went to the local farmer’s market. I’d placed an order with Jean. She’s runs a family business, a pig farm. Started off as a 4-H club project one of her kids started. For twenty years now she’s been the only person I buy pork from. She’s branched out over the years. Now she also offers chickens (free-range, of course) and eggs. Today I also noticed she’s offering turkeys. I’m betting I won’t be getting the usual Butterball turkey this year. My wife will probably go for a free-range turkey from Jean. Even if it’s more expensive. Jean is charging $3/lb, with a $20 deposit up front.

So I asked Jean, ‘You taking orders for pumpkin pies?’ Jean said sure:

Don’t think I want any pumpkin pie this year…

Posted by Christopher     on 10/22/2011 at 05:57 PM   
Filed Under: • Fun-Stuff • Humor •  
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