Tuesday - May 15, 2012

A NEGATIVE SIDE

I have a very dear friend of some 30 years who lives in the Nashville area.  We’ve managed to stay in touch via phone or the occasional email although she prefers snail mail.  Of course she would. She’s a writer.

In her youth she played piano professionally, was married til his death a few years ago to a very talented steel guitar player. Who was also a writer and producer, a hugely funny comic and pretty good golfer. 
Anyway, these days she is sort of retired. I say sort of because she is still being commissioned to write things having to do mostly with music history and biographies. She ghost writes for some in the industry and I can not mention names for obvious reasons.

Anyway, she sent me something today and I haven’t a clue where she got it. Didn’t say.  She isn’t happy (I wouldn’t be either were I still there) with the business these days. Music Row sure ain’t what it was in our glory years.

Here’s what she sent me and I got a laugh out of it. You might too. Or maybe not but I’m posting it nonetheless.

The music business is a dark plastic hallway;
where pimps and thieves run free and good men die like dogs.

THERE’S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE.

Posted by peiper     on 05/15/2012 at 11:08 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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   Friday - May 04, 2012

Two From Doc

Hey, remember when M’bama was first elected and the press was all like “sorry for the lack of cartoons, but there’s really nothing funny about him”? My, how times have changed.

h/t to Doc Jeff, who sends me all kinds of good links and pics and stuff.

Crivens, is it November yet? I can’t wait to send this clown packing.

Posted by Drew458     on 05/04/2012 at 08:27 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor • Obama, The One •  
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   Wednesday - May 02, 2012

A Modernized Classic

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties…

The Taliban asked, “Do you have water?”

The Jewish man replied, “I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?  They are only $5.”

The Taliban shouted, “You Idiot!  I do not need an over-priced tie.

I need water!  I should kill you, but I must find water first!”

“OK,” said the little old Jewish man, “It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant.

It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom.”

Cursing, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead, and said:

“You little prick; your brother won’t let me in without a tie...”

Posted by Drew458     on 05/02/2012 at 07:04 AM   
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   Sunday - April 29, 2012

nice rack but no votes say college uptights. college just ain’t fun anymore.

This is an update to a story posted about a month ago, or slightly less.  Thought it was all over and forgot about it. Well apparently some have not forgotten.

This is in ref. to a young college girl with a sense of humor.  I guess the post of Librarian of the Oxford Union is an elected one and she ran for the position.
Her tongue in cheek slogan was “Vote for me, I have a great rack.” Well. Even some men it’s been reported, were offended.  Orf wiv er ed.

OK, maybe she was out of line. They say she was, I think they need to chill out but it isn’t me umble self that gets to make those momentice decisions.
So as I said at the top, her slogan was not forgot. Nope.  An open and shut case of, Forget about it. You forget about it, I’ll forget about it, we’ll both forget about it,
but I’ll remember and don’t you forget it.

Model disciplined in Oxford University sexism row

A former model involved in a sexism row at Oxford University is hauled before a disciplinary committee.
By Richard Eden

When Madeline Grant made a light-hearted reference to her breasts in her application to be the Librarian of the Oxford Union, she hoped that it would prick the pomposity of those undergraduates who took themselves too seriously.

The 19-year-old former model has, however, now discovered just how seriously the officials at the Union, whose past presidents include Sir Edward Heath and Boris Johnson, take the sexism row.

Mandrake can disclose that the English student at St Hilda’s College is to be hauled before a disciplinary committee on Wednesday, charged with bringing the Union into disrepute.

“It’s ridiculous,” says Grant, the daughter of the former BBC sports presenter Sally Jones. “At great expense, they are paying for former Union officials to come to Oxford and sit on the committee which will decide my fate.”

In February, the alumna of King Edward VI High School for Girls posted election material for the position which contained a reference to her breasts. “I don’t hack, I just have a great rack,” she wrote.

This prompted a much-talked-about row among her fellow Union members. The comments, which were contained in a “draft manifesto” that was posted on an official Union noticeboard as part of her election material, were condemned as “deeply offensive”.

She tells me: “I’m wondering if I should leave the Union. The main speakers they have lined up are Geri Halliwell and Nelly Furtado, so I wouldn’t miss much.” Ouch.

SUNDAY TELEGRAPH

EVERYTHING just HAS to have an ISM.
So where’s the ‘sexism’ here?  Oh right.  Some woman’s group is also offended saying she defamed their fair sex.
The men are offended cos they’re probably the type who want racks but can’t have em without surgery, and the feminazis ??????? I guess they’re just offended because they think they should be. Actually, there really aren’t all that many who are bothered. But in these times it does not take a lot. Even one will do.

Posted by peiper     on 04/29/2012 at 12:01 PM   
Filed Under: • Education • Humor • UK •  
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   Saturday - April 28, 2012

Bang Zoom!

Posted by Drew458     on 04/28/2012 at 11:43 AM   
Filed Under: • Health-Medicine • Humor • Obama, The One •  
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   Wednesday - April 25, 2012

Bamboo: is it straw or sticks?

Strange news from last week:

Pigs die as houses are blown down

Hundreds of pigs died when a strong wind blew all their houses down at Dongxiang county, in south China’s Jiangxi province.

The region has seen a massive increase in the last 10 years in the number of pig farms which is now a staple of the local economy.

But although locals are famous for their pig breeding skills their building skills are not so renowned – and officials now estimate that the strong winds that the region recently experienced had flattened 30 farms, killing hundreds of pigs in the process.

Officials are now planning checks on all new pig farms and existing ones to make sure the building regulations are up to standard.

Farmer Zeng Huobao, 48, whose pig farm collapsed killing all 200 pigs said the collapse had ruined him and he’s planning to sue the builders who put up property in the first place.

He said: “I had one of the best droves of pigs - now I have nothing.”

In mostly unrelated news over in the UK, bacon prices are about to jump 20%, for the same reason that the price of eggs is way up: new PETA-esque “cage free” livestock regulations are dramatically raising the cost of raising the animals.

Bacon prices could soar by 20% after new EU pig welfare reforms banning stalls set to come into force

Britain’s breakfast lovers are facing a hefty hike in the cost of their favourite fry-up as the price of bacon could increase by 20 per cent next year.

A new report has revealed that the cost of the much-loved meat could dramatically increase when new EU pig welfare rules come into force.

The British Pig Executive (Bpex) has warned that pig meat supplies could plummet by between 5 per cent and 10 per cent at the start of 2013.

It says a ban on sow stalls could lead to pork producers who are unable or unwilling to comply with the new rules leaving the industry.

And the bacon hike warning comes as the price of eggs has soared for Britain’s shoppers in the wake of the EU-wide ban on battery cages introduced in January.

Bpex deputy chief executive Mick Sloyan warned that as the EU produced around 20 million tonnes of pig meat each year, even a 5 per cent drop could have ‘very sizeable effects’ .

‘We are forecasting wholesale price rises of at least 10 per cent year-on-year which could rise to 20 per cent if production is reduced aggressively’ he told trade magazine The Grocer.

If pig meat production drops and prices rise, bacon would be affected first, he said.

Posted by Drew458     on 04/25/2012 at 04:04 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor • News-Briefs •  
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   Monday - April 23, 2012

the very model of a modern politician

Couldn’t resist the this story of two days cause it’s so good.
Borrowed from the Scottish Sun.
Enjoy.

Police are dummy twits as they nick mannequin in vote fraud probe

ARRESTED:  the agent who put a dummy up for council election

“The dummy is innocent in all this. The person who put her up to it is to blame.”

Outrage erupted in Aberdeen yesterday as it emerged the self-styled “voice of the silent majority” had become a “political prisoner”.

Helena — famously banned from standing in the local elections — was seized by cops probing claims of electoral fraud by her agent Renee Slater.

Last night, as the mannequin spent her first night in custody, The Scottish Sun backed a campaign to free her.

And defiant shopkeeper Renee, 63, vowed Helena will not give in, adding: “All the police have done is transform her into a martyr.

“The support has been stunning. People are furious at how they’re treating someone as humble as Helena. She never says a word out of place.”

Cops took Helena and campaign agent Renee, both of Aberdeen, in for questioning on Thursday.

Renee was grilled for six hours after having pictures, fingerprints and DNA samples taken.

Her plastic pal has been detained INDEFINITELY at Grampian Police HQ. But onlookers said the dummy showed no signs of emotion as she was bundled into the back of a cop car — thankfully without handcuffs.

It now appears she’ll be held behind bars until the council elections are over to avoid her having any influence over the vote.

Last night North-east Tory MSP Alex Johnstone said: “The police have got this seriously wrong.

Aberdeen councillor Willie Young — who is standing in the election — said: “I think politicians can sometimes take themselves too seriously.

“This was a bit of fun and some people have reacted more strongly than they should have.

“If we can’t see the humour in someone putting a dummy up for election then it says more about us than it does about anyone else.”

Police turned up out of the blue at Renee’s home on Thursday morning to haul her in for questioning, before she was charged under the Representation of the People Act 1983. But her worst fears were realised after she got home — when another cop car turned up to seize Helena.

Renee said: “I have no idea how she’s going to cope in a jail cell. It’s going to be difficult for her.

“I just hope the police treat her with the dignity she deserves. They were a bit rough with her when they put her into the car.”

Helena was put forward as a candidate in the elections by Renee.

But she spent just 24 hours on the ballot for the Ashley, Hazlehead and Queens Cross ward before unamused officials discovered she was a mannequin.

The dummy was wiped off the list and a police probe was launched into claims of electoral fraud. Renee insisted she had no word from the authorities until she was arrested.

She’s been told she will appear in court in mid-May — and has demanded Helena be in the dock next to her. It’s unlikely the mannquin will be freed before the hearing — meaning she won’t be around for the elections on May 3.

Distraught Renee said: “Helena doesn’t deserve this. She’s done nothing wrong.

SCOTTISH SUN SOURCE FOR MORE

Posted by peiper     on 04/23/2012 at 07:40 AM   
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   Thursday - April 19, 2012

Love thos fiesty grannys

Posted by Drew458     on 04/19/2012 at 02:52 PM   
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   Wednesday - April 18, 2012

Bad Dog

Guess Obama’s latest “barking dog” campaign strategy has turned on it’s master and has bitten him in the ankles.

I’d seen little bits about this one, where Romney and his family took a car ride once, oh, about 30 years ago I think it was, and they had the dog in a carrier on the car roof. Oh, the horrors! Such a BFD. Not. Hey, my mother smoked when she was pregnant with me, I ate the horrid rat-cancer causing sweetener cyclamates when I was a kid, and my brother and I had several rides in the back of a pickup truck - with no seat belts or kiddie safety chairs! Terrorism!!

But now it’s come out that Obama has done far worse than Dog On A Hot Steel Roof. Like Dog On A Stick. In his own words, from Recipes from my Father or one of those other autobiographies he’s had written for him, it turns out that Teh Won actually ATE his dog when he was a tyke. Well, perhaps not his dog, but some dog. Chomp. Ouch! Run for your life Bo!

Wardmama comments that there is a whole new web site, twitchy.com, to help you stay abreast of all the latest tweet-memes, and a whole cookbook full of exciting Obama dog dishes has emerged. Mango Lassie, German Shepard’s Pie, Chihuahua Chimichangas. It is to laugh. Or bark!

Posted by Drew458     on 04/18/2012 at 11:24 AM   
Filed Under: • Democrats-Liberals-Moonbat Leftists • Humor •  
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   Friday - April 13, 2012

shootout … cops say possibility a firearm used

Never mind a link. I’m not posting the whole thing, not that there’s much to post about this story.
Pretty mundane and I’d have ignored it altogether but for this bit of jumbled reporting. Either that or ..... oh hell.
I don’t need to explain. You’ll see what my eye picked up on.

Police hunt two gunmen after lunch-time shoot-out at carwash

Police were tonight hunting two gunmen after three men were injured at a Kent car wash depot.

One of the victims, sustained a serious injury to his leg and was taken to Medway Maritime Hospital.

Armed officers were on the forecourt where the shooting took place

One man suffered what is believed to be a serious gunshot wound

A police spokesman said: ‘Police are investigating the possibility that a firearm was used

Posted by peiper     on 04/13/2012 at 01:04 PM   
Filed Under: • Crime • Humor •  
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Time For A Fresh Cuppa

Posted by Drew458     on 04/13/2012 at 10:36 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor • The New Conservatives •  
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   Wednesday - April 11, 2012

bear right and watch how you go

some of the comments at the Mail are clever and funny. Worth sharing.

Watch out! Astonishing video of California man so distracted by sending a text he (almost)walks into a BEAR
By DAILY MAIL REPORTER
TV helicopter crews in California managed to capture an oblivious phone user walking into the path of a 500lb black bear.

La Crescenta station sheriff’s deputies and the Glendale Police Department responded, according to sheriff’s Sgt. Mark Slater.

‘We did locate about a 500, 600-pound bear in this immediate area,’ Sgt Slater said.

‘He’s been wandering through the residential area for the last several hours.’

‘Department of Fish and Game is en route,’ Slater said. ‘They have ultimate responsibility over it. Our role right now is if the bear is docile and just hunkering down, we’ll let him continue that until Fish and Game gets here.’

A police helicopter has been tracking the bear, which is believed to be the same animal that broke into a garage and pried open a refrigerator to snack on some frozen meatballs last month.

Could have had a bear hug !!
- me, some where beneath the sky , 11/4/2012 13:11

“The simple… bear-necessities..., the simple bear-necessities...! Forget about your worries and your strife...!” People walk underneath oncoming traffic whilst using mobile ‘phones all the time. Why shouldn’t they also bump into bears? I’m sure the poor creature was properly traumatised by the experience!
- Ben Russell-Gough, London, UK, 11/4/2012 13:10

Obviously his sat nav didn’t say ‘bear right ‘
- Silver Lady, Uk, 11/4/2012 13:07

This must be why Americans have the right to Bear arms .
- Gordon Bennitt, Midlands, 11/4/2012 12:57

What a chicken he is , i would have shot the bear for getting on my way . Nobody gets on my way . - Jamal, London UK, 11/4/2012 2:19
Hey Jamal!! Bad duuuuude. You know when you point your fingers and wiggle your thumb like a pistol hammer? That doesn’t actually work. - Original Ray, Liverpool, 11/4/2012 8:59

Posted by peiper     on 04/11/2012 at 07:51 AM   
Filed Under: • Animals • Humor • USA •  
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   Friday - April 06, 2012

Oh Snap

Yo, Your Momma So Loud ...

Florida teen calls police to report mom having sex

A Florida teenager called 911 last week to ask police to place her in a children’s shelter because she “heard her mother having sex.”

The 15-year-old girl felt disrespected when overhearing her mother having sex late one night, so she called Panama City police to report the situation, The Smoking Gun first reported on its website.

When police arrived at the home in the early hours on Jan. 19, the girl’s mother explained that she was with her boyfriend and didn’t intend to wake her daughter. But their bedrooms are right next to each other, according to the police report, which was obtained by FoxNews.com.

At some point, the mother and daughter had an argument, the police report said.

The teen, who told police that there was no abuse, originally asked to be taken to the Hidle House, which is a temporary home for children who are homeless or abused. But after speaking with a representative, she decided it was almost time for school and decided to stay put.

Disrespected? I think she was just jealous.

Posted by Drew458     on 04/06/2012 at 03:51 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor • News-Briefs •  
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   Saturday - March 17, 2012

On-the-job Sexual Harassment

This is a true story.

1979. I was home from my freshman year at college. Working again at the Pizza Hut in ******** I’d helped open the year before. The manager then was Steve. Now it was Rose.

Showed up for work: knocked on the back door:

“You got eight inches?” I heard Rose, my current boss ask.

Not sure I’d heard her correctly, I asked her to repeat: Sure enough!

“You got eight inches?”

My reply: “Rose, I’m damned if I’m gonna cut off two inches just to satisfy you.”

She let me in!

Posted by Christopher     on 03/17/2012 at 09:50 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor • Personal •  
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