Sunday - January 22, 2006

Gadget Du Jour

This ought to sell well with the envirowhacko crowd. (1) It is cheap, (2) it gets 330 mpg and most importantly (3) it’s ugly as sin. Look for all the tree-huggers to replace their Prius, Kia or Pinto with one of these smug little beasts any day now.

“A 330 mpg Car For Everyone”
(AUTOBLOG)

That’s the slogan of startup Accelerated Composites, LLC. The company announced Thursday that development of its two-seater Aptera hybrid has begun. As you might guess from the company’s name, the use of composite materials plays a major role in the car’s design. Claiming to have developed a proprietary composite construction technique (called Panelized Automated Composite Construction) that significantly lowers costs, the company plans to price the Aptera under $20,000.

The diesel/electric hybrid pairs a 12 hp diesel engine with a 25 hp electric motor, with power storage in a bank of supercapacitors. With a weight of only 850 lbs, the powertrain is good for a 0-60 time of about 11 seconds, and a top speed of 95 mph (electronically limited). Construction has begun for the first prototype. And yes, fuel consumption is estimated to be 330 mpg at 65 mph.

   Saturday - January 21, 2006

Weekend Project

What to do on another boring Saturday? The laundry? (naw, clothes haven’t started smelling too bad yet) Housecleaning? (fuggedaboutit, so what if the bathroom looks like the Okeefenokee swamp) Wash the Jeep? (naw, it looks good in mud) Read a book? (nope, too burned out on words this week) Clean some of my firearms? (already done that - twice this week) Blog some more crap? (naw, nobody reads the Pulitzer Prize material on this blog over the weekend) Well then, what shall The Skipper do? Hmmmmmmmm ...... AHA! I know ....

LET’S MAKE BEER!



Now you’re talking! I ordered this kit from Mr. Beer a few weeks ago in a moment of inspiration. I also included in the order the makings for St. Patrick’s Irish Stout. This sounds easy. Mix booster (maltodextrins mix) with water, bring to boil, mix with base mixture (liquid barley, hops, etc. from New Zealand), pour mix into keg, sprinkle in yeast, shake gently, let sit for one week to ferment, pour out into bottles, add one teaspoon sugar to start carbonation process, wait another week ... get totally snockered when I find out the alcohol content is close to 40% because I added too much sugar. HOT-DAMN! Now you’re talking.

   Friday - January 13, 2006

The Official Friday The 13th Superstition Post

Open Forum. Are you superstitious? Why not?

   Sunday - January 08, 2006

We Will, We Will ROCK YOU!

Do you have any old pictures of yourself taken back when you were young and dumb (as opposed to now when we’re all old and dumb)? If so, I urge you to gather them all together and burn every last one of them. Any one of them could prove to be quite embaressing if you’re ever elected Prime Minister of some small country on the other side of the Atlantic ...

Tony Blair, Rocker
(BOSTON GLOBE)

Do the scandals threatening to engulf the Bush administration make you long for a more innocent time? The Clinton White House, say, whose sex-drugs-and-rock ‘n’ roll atmosphere Joe Eszterhas compared, in ‘’American Rhapsody,” to the offices of Rolling Stone? (’’He certainly was a rock ‘n’ roller,” Eszterhas recalled admiringly of Clinton.)

The British seem to feel the same way about their prime minister: Writing in the London-based newspaper the Guardian last Friday, Victoria Powell, producer of a BBC Channel Four documentary titled ‘’Tony Blair Rock Star” that will air on Jan. 19, lovingly recounts Blair’s former life as an aspiring rocker.

In 1971, Blair took a year off before attending university, ‘’travelling to London with dreams of rock stardom,” writes Powell. According to a schoolmate of Blair’s, the future PM ‘’absolutely modelled himself on Mick Jagger.” Sure enough, a photo from the era shows an 18-year-old ‘’in tie-dyed T-shirt, midriff exposed, long hair, flares, and bare feet,” notes Powell.

‘’It’s a daft look, but it’s him all right.” From 1971-72, Blair promoted bands and organized gigs in London. Once at Oxford, Blair’s friend recalls, he didn’t get involved in student politics: ‘’He had the reverse attitude-nihilistic, cynical, and sarcastic. All he had was the persona and the ambition to be a rock star.”

So what happened? In 1973, Blair debuted as lead singer of the student band Ugly Rumours, with whom he played a grand total of six shows. ‘’This was a man who was clearly enjoying himself a great deal,” recalls fellow Oxford student and Tory MP Alistair Burt, who was at one or two of those shows. ‘’But we were under no illusion that this was the next great talent.”

   Sunday - January 01, 2006

Predictions For 2006

Here are my predictions for the New Year. Let me know how I did next year this time. Add your own predictions in the comments and we’ll keep track of each other. Deal?

• Republicans will hold on to a slim majority in the House and Senate after the 2006 mid-term elections. Democrats will continue whining.


• Hillary Clinton will win re-election as Senator from New York. The campaign for 2008 will begin immediately.


• The US will invade Iran. Osama bin Laden will be captured in Teheran. Wearing a burkha. And stiletto high-heels. And lacey underwear.


• Hollywood will make 458 more really, really bad movies. Half of them will be sequels and the other half will be remakes of old TV shows.


• Jesse Jackson will fly to Sweden for a sex change operation. He will immediately start blackmailing several companies for women’s rights.


• Howard Dean will make an ass out of himself no less than 14 times on national TV. Karl Rove will be blamed.


• John Kerry and Sean Penn will continue to compete for Stupidest Quote Of The Year. Ted Turner will beat both of them for the prize.


• The European Union (EU) will declare bankruptcy. The value of the Euro will fall to one-tenth of a peso, its actual value now.


• Red China will buy Wal-Mart. The US economy will collapse after the ChiComs hike the price of nearly everything.


• Bill Gates will become so rich the banks will be unable to count his money. Gates will then buy India and move Microsoft to New Delhi.


• Everything will cost more. We will all be earning less. The oil companies and banks will be pleased. Your job will still suck.


• Muslims in Britain will riot and burn several major cities to the ground. The riots will start when Muslims finally find out what is in Blood Pudding.


• A major hurricane will hit a major US city. If the city or the state it is in is run by Democrats, expect complete chaos and finger-pointing.


• Iraq will finally start to settle down as attrition takes its toll on insurgents. US troop levels will be cut in half by year’s end.


• There will be 4,295,650,337 acts of incredible stupidity recorded here by the Skipper next year. Glenn Reynolds will still suck.


• The Skipper will finally finish his book. It will be published to rave reviews everywhere (except the NY Times).


• This blog will see its 1,000,000th visitor sometime in March. The entire blogosphere will be in awe of the Skipper.

Public Service Message

Just waking up? Got a pounding headache? Dry mouth? Ache all over? Knees a little wobbly? If so, you have what we scientists call a hangover. That’s a scientific term for what happens when you make an alcoholic ass out of yourself on December 31 without practicing a great deal during the rest of the year. Never fear though. The Skipper is here to help. Here are my personal remedies for the affliction that currently ... afflicts you.

• New Orleans Fizz: Mix together in a tall glass two shots of gin, two egg whites, 4 oz. cream, 4 oz. orange flower water, sugar, half-and-half and a splash of soda. Swallow quickly and chase with three shots of Fernet vodka. Go lie down and wait a few minutes for medication to make its way down to your stomach. Close your eyes and do not move for one hour. You may then proceed to inspect the rest of the night’s damage.


• Skipper’s Bloody Mary: Take a tall glass, wet the rim and coat rim with Old Bay Seasoning. Then mix together in glass four shots Absolut vodka, 12 oz. V8 juice (the Spicy Hot version), pinch of pepper, one egg white, juice of one lemon and a splash of Worcestershire sauce. Garnish with sliced lemon and celery stalk. Drink slowly, savor the spicy seasoning and the warmth as it spreads slowly down your throat to your stomach. Lie down, close your eyes and stay perfectly still for ten minutes. If the drink hasn’t signalled that it doesn’t like its new environment in your stomach and insists on exiting forthwith, again you may proceed to inspect the rest of the night’s damage.

If, after you have medicated yourself with one (or both) of the remedies above, you realize you’re in a strange house or apartment, I suggest you get dressed quickly and duck out the back door. Do not investigate the premises. Some things are better left unknown.

If you insist on looking around, don’t be surprised at what you find in the bed next to you. If it’s human, consider yourself lucky. If not, we don’t want to know about it, OK? If the creature snoring away there has all its teeth, most of its hair and does not resemble a biker gang member, you may congratulate yourself and quickly (and silently) duck out the back door.

If, however, you are in your own home or apartment and the creature mentioned above is there, you are in what I refer to as “Deep Kimchi”. Try to remain calm while you scheme away and dream up a devious plan to remove the evidence. Hopefully, in a legal manner. If there is no legal way to rid yourself of the night’s detritus, we don’t want to know about it, OK?

I sincerely hope this public service message has been helpful in getting your New Year off to a good start. Now get moving before the creature wakes up ...

   Saturday - December 31, 2005

Fear Factor

I found this over at Fark and couldn’t resist grabbing it. I am presenting it here in all of its fear-inducing glory. We all know what that nice lady vet behind him is about to do and from the look on his face, he has fingered it out by now also. In my humble opinion, the vet looks like she is enjoying this WAY too much. Then again, I really, really hate cats so I absolve her of any and all sins.

Twerp and OldCatMan and any other cat owners out there may feel free to use this picture to encourage obedience in your feline “friends”. Here, Kitty-Kitty! Snip! Snip! BWAH-HAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA ......

2006 Calendars have Arrived!

Haven’t found a decent 2006 calendar yet to hang on your wall? Well, never let it be said that BMEWS let you down. We have the official 2006 Hooters Calendar all ready for you to download. You’re gonna love this year’s models. So click on the link and hold on to your hat ...

_{(-- thanks to Rancino fer this one --)}

   Friday - December 30, 2005

New Years Resolutions

It’s that time again. Time to make promises you’ll never keep, that is. This is an open post. Give it your best shot, people. Tell us what your New Years Resolutions are or why you’re not making any. Personally, I resolve to be more resolute ... in a resolutionary way. Resolutely!

   Thursday - December 29, 2005

New Years Trivia: Vietnam

The more popular name for the Vietnamese New Year is Tet, where as the formal name is Nguyen-dan. Tet is a very inportant festival because it provides one of the few breaks in the agricultural year, as it falls between the harvesting of the crops and the sowing of the new crops. The Vietnamese prepare well in advance for the New Year by cleaning their houses, polishing their copper and silverware and paying off all their debts.

They observe the custom of the kitchen god tao for a week before the New Year, they believe there are three gods represented by the three legs of the cooking equipment used in the kitchen. The middle god is a woman the other two are her husbands. It was once customary to provide the gods with a carp on which to travel. The carp represents the second last stage in the process by which animals are gradually transformed into dragons. They buy the carp from the market, bring it home and place it in a bucket of water to place at the altar of the house before it is later set free.

A special rice pudding is eaten at New Year which must be prepared beforehand. The rice pudding is known as banh chung ** or banh tet. The pudding contains mung beans and pork. New Year foods such as preserved sweets, beef, chicken, fish, oranges, coconuts, grapefruits and other seasonal fruits, especially watermelon. Watermelon is considered lucky because the flesh is red, so the choice of the melon must be taken carefully so as to find one rich in color. The seeds are often dyed red also and served as delicacies.

The last day of the year a plant such as the bamboo tree is planted in the courtyard of their homes. They decorate the tree with bells, flowers, and red streamers. The decorations are not for decorative purposes but are to guard the family against evil spirits. During the middle of the day an offering is placed on the altar of the household for the ancestor’s of the family. This is done every day thorughout the New Year Festival and along with that incense is burnt at the altar.

They believed in the custom of the first person through the door in the New Year will reflect the family’s future luck and wealth. On the first day of the new year they visit all their closest friends, teachers and their parents. The second day they visit their in-laws and other friends who are not as close. Third day they visit the family of their teacher and their more distant relatives.

On the fourth day the spirits return to heaven and business returns to normal. They also visit their local temple and they bring back flowers or greenery as a gift from the celestial spirits. This gift will be kept in the house all year.

** Vietnamese Rice Cake in Banana Leaf (Banh Chung) Recipe:

• 2 cups sticky (glutinous) rice, preferably long-grain
• 1 drop green food coloring (optional)
• 1/4 cup dried split mung beans
• 2 tablespoons chopped shallots
• 1 1/2 tablespoons fish sauce
• 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 6 ounces pork shoulder or butt or chicken thighs, cut into 1/4-inch thick chunks
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/2 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 2 (15 x 17-inch) sheets plastic wrap plus extra
• 1 (15 x 17-inch sheet aluminum foil
• 2 (15-inch square) pieces banana leaf
• Kitchen string

Place the sticky rice in a large bowl and cover with 3 inches of water. Stir in the food coloring, if using, and let the rice soak overnight. You should have about 4 cups of rice after soaking. In a separate bowl, soak the mung beans for at least 4 hours. Combine the shallots, fish sauce, black pepper and pork pieces and let marinate for 30 minutes.

Just before cooking, drain the rice and the beans and leave them in separate bowls. Add the salt to the rice and stir to blend. Heat the oil in a frying pan over moderate heat. Add the pork pieces and all the marinade and stir just until the meat is brown around the edges, about 3 to 4 minutes. Remove the pan from the heat and set aside. Using a steamer basket, steam the mung beans over simmering water until they’re soft, about 10 minutes. Remove from the heat and set aside.

To make the packet, neatly lay down the wrappers in this order: one sheet of plastic wrap, the aluminum foil and two sheets of banana leaves (one perpendicular to the other). Place 1 cup of rice in the center of the banana leaf, spreading it over a 5-inch-square area. Place half of the mung beans on top then add the pork pieces. Cover again with the remaining mung beans and place 1 cup of rice on top.

Bring the narrow sides of the wrappers together. Fold the gathered edges over twice, then flatten against the packet. (You now have two open ends.) Fold one end over and hold the packet upright. Add half of the remaining rice, tapping it and pushing it down so the packet will be an even square. Fold the ends (like wrapping a gift box) and repeat on the other side.

Place the packet with the folded sides down in the center of the remaining plastic sheet. Wrap tightly so water will not seep into the packet during cooking. Tightly tie the packet with two parallel strings in both directions (as in a tic-tac-toe pattern). Fill a large stockpot with water. Add the packet and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to a low simmer. Place a colander or something heavy to keep the packet submerged in the water. Cook, uncovered, for 4 hours, adding more water as necessary. Remove from the heat and set aside to cool for 1 hour.

To serve, cut the packet (without unwrapping) into 1/2-inch slices. Remove the wrapping and arrange the slices on a serving plate. Serve warm or at room temperature. If wrapped in plastic and refrigerated, the cake will keep for 1 week.

_{Source: An e-mail from some guy named Tranh An Vuong.}

   Wednesday - December 28, 2005

New Years Trivia: Scotland

The Scottish New Year is known as Hogmanay and both New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day were also known as Daft Days. The first Monday in January is a holiday and is refered to as Handsel Monday. In Scotland New Year’s Eve is called Hogomanay or Night of the Candle. Food such as three cornered biscuits called hogmanays are eaten. Other foods that are special at this time of year are wine, cordials, cheese, bread, shortbread, oatcake, currant loaf and scones. After sunset people are known to collect juniper and water to purify the home.

The Scots prepare for the new year by cleaning their houses. This was believed to have been a purification ritual. They would perform a ritual of burning juniper branches which they carried throughout the house so as to remove any lurking germs and diseases. The food they would eat at New Year was Haggis **, shortbread, scones, oatmeal cakes, cheese, whisky and wine as well as traditional new year black buns.

The first person to rise in the morning used to take Het Pint, a spiced ale to those members who were still in bed. In Scotland an old tradition that still is relevant today is that of the first footer which is said, that whoever the first person to set foot into your home on New Year’s day decided the family’s luck for the rest of the year. This was based on the belief in the magic power of beginnings. The start of the new year controlled its future course.

The person most welcome on new year’s morning was a tall, dark haired man and especially if he bought a gift as this was considered magical as his handsome features would make the year a pleasant one and his gift of a loaf of bread, or a shovel of coal would ensure that there would be no lack of food or warmth in the household.

Any other type of person who was to set foot in your home on new year’s morning would spell disaster. Therefore people would subtly arrange for the right person to arrive. They would light bonfires so as to dispose of the old year and sometimes a straw figure known as “the Auld Wife” which represented the old year would be thrown onto the bonfire. One method used in the old days to remove evil spirits was to banish the evil to a cat or dog and scare them away.

On New Year’s Eve they all link arms in a circle and sing the traditional new year song Auld Lang Syne. After welcoming the new year, all the people of the household would wait to see who the first person to enter the house after midnight will be, as this person would indicate whether they would have good luck or bad luck for the coming year. The first person must be a dark haired male, young virile, good natured and prosperous. He should not be empty handed and was supposed to bring with him a small gift such as a piece of coal, bread, salt as they were symbols of life.

On New Year’s Day children from Scotland rise early to make the rounds to their neighbors singing songs. They are given coins, mince pies, apples and other sweets for singing. This must be done by noon or the singer will be called fools. In some Scottish villages barrels of tar are set on fire and rolled through the streets. This is done to burn up the old year and to allow the new year in.

** HAGGIS RECIPE:

• 1 sheep’s lung (illegal in the U.S)
• 1 sheep’s stomach
• 1 sheep heart
• 1 sheep liver
• 1/2 lb fresh suet (kidney leaf fat is preferred)
• 3/4 cup oatmeal (the ground type, NOT the Quaker Oats type!)
• 3 onions, finely chopped
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon cayenne
• 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
• 3/4 cup stock

Wash lungs and stomach well, rub with salt and rinse. Remove membranes and excess fat. Soak in cold salted water for several hours. Turn stomach inside out for stuffing.

Cover heart and liver with cold water. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, cover and simmer for 30 minutes. Chop heart and coarsely grate liver. Toast oatmeal in a skillet on top of the stove, stirring frequently, until golden. Combine all ingredients and mix well. Loosely pack mixture into stomach, about two-thirds full. Remember, oatmeal expands in cooking.

Press any air out of stomach and truss securely. Put into boiling water to cover. Simmer for 3 hours, uncovered, adding more water as needed to maintain water level. Prick stomach several times with a sharp needle when it begins to swell; this keeps the bag from bursting. Place on a hot platter, removing trussing strings. Serve with a spoon. Ceremoniously served with “neeps, tatties and nips”—mashed turnips, mashed potatoes, nips of whiskey (LOTS of whiskey!).

_{Sources: Article from Wikipedia, recipe from my grandmother.}

   Friday - December 23, 2005

Photo Du Jour

“Red Alert”
-by-
NORAD

NORAD (North American Air Defense Command) is currently tracking a small object hovering above the North Pole. Officials warned the public not to be frightened. Geostationary satellites are tracking this mysterious object. As you can see from this latest satellite image the object is too small to make out but appears to be a tiny sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. Stay tuned ....

   Friday - November 25, 2005

Why They All Get Prettier At Closing Time

Now we know. Einstein was wasting his time with all that quantum mechanics and relativity crap. The real hard-core science is being done today by scientists in Britain with a more important goal in mind .... figuring out why us guys have awakened to find a “coyote ugly” babe snoring next to us. It’s all in the science and here it comes. Do you think it’ll do any good, now that we know .... ?

‘Beer goggles’ Effect Explained
MANCHESTER - UK (BBC)

Scientists believe they have worked out a formula to calculate how “beer goggles” affect a drinker’s vision. The drink-fuelled phenomenon is said to transform supposedly “ugly” people into beauties - until the morning after.

Researchers at Manchester University say while beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder, the amount of alcohol consumed is not the only factor.

Additional factors include the level of light in the pub or club, the drinker’s own eyesight and the room’s smokiness. The distance between two people is also a factor. They all add up to make the aesthetically-challenged more attractive, according to the formula.

The formula can work out a final score, ranging from less than one - where there is no beer goggle effect - to more than 100. Nathan Efron, Professor of Clinical Optometry at the University of Manchester, said: “The beer goggles effect isn’t solely dependent on how much alcohol a person consumes, there are other influencing factors at play too.

“For example, someone with normal vision, who has consumed five pints of beer and views a person 1.5 metres away in a fairly smoky and poorly lit room, will score 55, which means they would suffer from a moderate beer goggle effect.” The research was commissioned by eyecare firm Bausch & Lomb PureVision. A poll showed that 68% of people had regretted giving their phone number to someone to whom they later realised they were not attracted.

A formula rating of less than one means no effect. Between one and 50 the person you would normally find unattractive appears less “visually offensive”. Non-appealing people become suddenly attractive between 51 and 100. At more than 100, someone not considered attractive looks like a super model.

   Saturday - October 29, 2005

The Ultimate Man Toy

Beach Blanket Hummer
(AUTOWEEK)

General Motors’ future product plan includes a back-to-basics, go-anywhere Hummer H4—a rough-and-tough competitor for the Jeep Wrangler. The fourth Hummer could be on sale by 2008 or 2009. A GM source confirms the company is looking for ways of making a small Hummer on its various sport/utility vehicle and pickup platforms.

GM engineers and designers are working on the project, but a chassis for the vehicle has yet to be selected. One possibility is a two-seater, focused on the most rugged off-roading possible, similar to the Hummer dune buggy we illustrated earlier this year (“A Hummer Buggy,” May 9).

“It’s a matter of finding the right combination of rugged components and how we can package them into a vehicle smaller than the H3,” says the source. “The main design factor is that any vehicle with a Hummer badge has to be the most capable off-road, period.” One possibility is to use a shortened version of GM’s small pickup platform, which underpins the new H3.

GM product czar Bob Lutz is believed to be a big supporter of the H4, and as a former boss of Jeep he knows the competition intimately. Hummer is also unlikely to launch a second range of soft-roaders, a move that Jeep is taking to exploit sales with owners who don’t need its “Trail Tested” off-road abilities. “It’s not the right time to be rounding off the corners of the Hummer range yet,” our source says.

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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

1. Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
2. Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
3. Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
4. Keep talking to each other, whether here or elsewhere

It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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Oh, and here's some kind of visitor flag counter thingy. Hey, all the cool blogs have one, so I should too. The Visitors Online thingy up at the top doesn't count anything, but it looks neat. It had better, since I paid actual money for it.

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