Friday - June 05, 2015
Live Imitates Art. Sort Of.
Back in the days when ethnic humor was both allowable and funny, I knew this Polish joke about a fish.
Sea lions have been crowding the docks in Portland OR, making it impossible for folks to get to their boats.
Various ways to annoy or frighten the federally protected aquatic mammals into leaving have failed. So some bright star figured that they could make a big fiberglass orca, a fake Killer Whale mounted over a little power boat. And they could motor it around the bay, while playing orca songs, like the ever popular Lunch Is Ready in C########. They even made a baby orca to tow behind it, to look like a whole family of the attack whales had moved in. Surely that would scare away those lazy sea lions.
It seemed that the Illinois Fish & Game Department wanted to breed a really aggressive big fish to enhance sportsmen’s deep lakes fishing experience.
The motorized fiberglass orca was brought to the seaside town of Astoria on Thursday as a sort of maritime Clint Eastwood called upon to deal with ne’er-do-wells, in this case sea lions crowding onto docks and making it difficult for locals to access their boats.
...
About 1,000 people cheered as the dummy whale — with its human operator inside — took to the water Thursday night. Jim Knight, executive director of the Port of Astoria, said sea lions that were crowded onto the docks became “deathly silent.”
So they brought in some genetic engineers, and the first attempt they made was to cross a Coho with a Walleye. This created a great big fish with huge teeth but it was very docile. They named this hybrid the Cowal.
But as a cargo ship passed by, the phony orca started to list from the vessel’s wake. And then the bogus orca capsized.
“Our crew from the port had to go rescue the operator so he didn’t drown,” Knight said.
Having had partial success, next they crossbred a Walleye with a Muskie. The result was a super aggressive fish that would attack anything in sight, but it was a tiny little thing hardly bigger than a minnow. They named this hybrid the Walskie.
So what did the sea lions thing about this spectacle?
“They probably think it’s dead now that it’s belly up,” Knight said. “You can’t make this stuff up.”
That was not the first fiasco for the dummy orca. The replica whale, loaned by a whale-watching business, was delivered overland on Thursday from Bellingham, Washington. After arrival, the orca’s outboard motor flooded and a replacement had to be found.
...
The fake orca was outfitted with recordings of real killer whale calls, especially the “call to dinner” — usually emitted in the wild after they kill a sea lion or seal.
The orca capsized before the recording could be tried out.
As of mid-Friday, the fake orca was still submerged in water at the Astoria docks, while hundreds of sea lions congregated and barked nearby.
Finally, these ace scientists crossbred the Cowal and the Walskie, and came up with the Kowalski. This gave them the best of both worlds. It’s a big mean fish that fights like hell and is wildly aggressive.
Unfortunately, the new Kowalski is so dumb that they have to teach it how to swim.
Posted by Drew458
on 06/05/2015 at 04:51 PM
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Permalink • Wednesday - April 08, 2015
Sharpen Your Brain: Go Fencing
A small but growing body of research suggests that fencing and other sports that require quick decision-making may improve cognition in both young and old people, and help stave off certain mental declines associated with aging.
In a study published in 2012, researchers led by Francesco Di Russo of the Foro Italico University of Rome hypothesized that sports in which participants must constantly move and adapt to changes around them might counteract age-related breakdowns in learning, memory and processing speeds. They found that fencing, “which requires fast decisions and . . . places high demands on visual attention and flexibility,” was associated with improvement of certain cognitive functions, such as attention and processing, that naturally decline with aging.
Aside from building up a good healthy sweat, fencing really does hone your reflexes and sharpen your mind. It’s like chess, only 1000 times faster, and you don’t have to wait your turn. How fast is it? The sport is hardly worth televising because it moves faster than the television cameras can capture. Even the best modern HDTV sets with 240Hz refresh rates can barely show the blades moving. Valid hits last only milliseconds. Doing it well requires such complete concentration, such immersion, that it’s a tremendous stress reliever. Nothing else exists other than your bout. Not to mention the satisfaction you get from whacking your opponent with a 3 foot long steel whip. Plus ... sssh ... it’s great for the libido. Seriously. “Survivor’s Rush” or whatever they call it; nothing like a good old fashioned sword fight to get the juices flowing. Etes-vous prêts? Allez!
Posted by Drew458
on 04/08/2015 at 12:47 AM
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Permalink • Monday - April 06, 2015
I bet it worked as long as the hay lasted
Roman motorboat, circa 337 AD.
Posted by Drew458
on 04/06/2015 at 05:28 PM
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Permalink • Sunday - March 22, 2015
Send them your money ASAP
You know how it is. You want to have a nice glass of your favorite hard liquor, but you wish you could soften the edge just a little bit. So you add a dash of water to your fine single malt, and that does open things up quite well. But when you play that trick on your more utilitarian bourbons, gins, rums, whiskeys, or sipping tequilas all you get is watered down booze. So you try the old “on the rocks” gambit and toss in a couple ice cubes. And then mostly works. Mostly. The ice does cool things down, but you have to watch the timing carefully. Sip too soon and you don’t get any cooling. Sip too late and you get a mouthful of booze flavored water. And then you’ve got to match your drinking rate to the ice cube’s melting rate. Which can be dangerous on a summer day! So you have a little Ah Ha moment, and decide to freeze the glasses ahead of time. And this works great, for about 2 or 3 minutes.
There’s got to be a better way.
Yup.
There ya go. The Whiskey Wedge glass and ice mold kit freezes a huge ice cube into its special square style rocks glass, which maximizes chilling while minimizing contact area. Pour a bit, wait a few seconds, then sip it across the ice. Cool. Smooth. And not watered down. The ice is said to last for hours, and you never have to worry about taking a big gulp and having an errant ice cube try to knock your teeth out.
The silicon mold lasts forever and imparts no rubbery taste. It’s got a kind of funnel built right in, so you put it on the glass and pour the water in through it, then freeze them. Pop the mold off when it’s time to have a cold one.
Comes in a set, 1 glass and 1 mold. About $18 - $20, available at Amazon, Wine Enthusiast, and lots of other places.
And it looks pretty cool too.
Posted by Drew458
on 03/22/2015 at 11:22 PM
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Permalink • Monday - March 16, 2015
Monday Silly
Q: If a one “L” lama is a Himalayan monk, and a two “L” llama is a furry camel-like creature from the Andes, what is a three “L” lllama?
A: A really big fire in Brooklyn.
This is totes cray-cray, fo shizzle ...
Just try and sing along. Even at half the tempo. Just try.
Finally ...
IF OJ HAD LIVED IN BOLIVIA
Posted by Drew458
on 03/16/2015 at 11:31 AM
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Permalink • Thursday - March 12, 2015
Kitteh Dreams
Where can you see lions? Only in Kenya!
You should see the magnificent pride of great cats out here on the wide African savannah outside our condo, boldly stalking wild game and heroically striking down elephants, giraffes, giant antelopes, and field mice.
Some of them even brave the weather, living rough in the outdoors like the wild untamed creatures they are. Unless it gets too cold, or it’s dinnertime. Or if a dog should amble by. In which case, siiiigh, they just have to put up with those puny humans for a time and stay indoors.
Posted by Drew458
on 03/12/2015 at 02:53 PM
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Permalink • Wednesday - March 04, 2015
A knight To Re-member
The Knights Templar is looking for a few good men. Or women. Join up now. You get a nifty magazine, a lapel pin, and a necklace.
They didn’t say anything about signing up for any Crusades, or setting up some kind of mercantile business in Antioch. But hey, you never know.
$59.95 a year. A deal, even at half that price!
Affiliate membership application at this link.
Posted by Drew458
on 03/04/2015 at 08:54 AM
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Permalink • Thursday - February 12, 2015
A Knight Of The Knit
Oldest guy in Australia, Alfie Date, 109, is woolie penguin jumper knitting champ.
Wool sweaters warm dirty birdies, so oil-spill penguins can stay warm until they get their feathers back right.
After a number of oil spills off Australia’s southeastern coast left penguins in danger, the Penguin Foundation launched its Knits for Nature program and asked volunteers to knit sweaters for penguins.
Oil separates and mats penguins’ feathers, letting cold water seep in and making them cold, distressed and less effective hunters. Sweaters help warm the birds — and prevent them from preening themselves and swallowing the oil — before they’re washed by wildlife rehabilitation workers.
One of the knitters to answer the call for penguin-friendly sweaters was 109-year-old Alfred “Alfie” Date, Australia’s oldest person.
Date has over 80 years of knitting experience. He quickly jumped on board after nurses in his long-term care home asked him if he’d life to help out a few penguins.
“The girls who used to work for me, they’ll tell you I’m a sucker. I can’t say no,” Date told 9stories.
The Penguin Foundation had such a good response to their request for sweaters that it’s no longer asking for contributions, claiming to be adequately stockpiled in anticipation of future oil spills.
“We do not need any further jumpers,” the foundation’s Lauren Jones said.
“We are incredibly grateful for the donations we have received and the time and effort creating them.”
Isn’t that nice? I had no idea these even existed. A wooly penguin jumper sounds like some kind of sicko sex perv, down under or not!
Posted by Drew458
on 02/12/2015 at 05:57 PM
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Permalink • Tuesday - February 03, 2015
Gonna Get It, Gonna Get It, Mine Mine Mine!
Another entry in the “greatest job title evar” sweeps ... even better than being a retro-phrenologist ... an underwater dog photographer.
Here’s a small collection of snaps
h/t to SondraK
Posted by Drew458
on 02/03/2015 at 12:44 PM
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Permalink • Saturday - January 31, 2015
So, you’re stuck in a barrel of sh…Shaving Cream.
Posted by Christopher
on 01/31/2015 at 09:59 PM
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Permalink • Another oldie.
Guys, reallly shouldn’t make fun of good posts. I will inundate you with crap like this:
Posted by Christopher
on 01/31/2015 at 05:50 PM
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Permalink • You asked for it!
Gonna make fun of Micheal Flately eh? Okay, I stoop to the BMEWS level.
Posted by Christopher
on 01/31/2015 at 05:33 PM
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Permalink • Monday - December 29, 2014
Mash-up
Calling Terry Pratchett!
Posted by Christopher
on 12/29/2014 at 02:17 PM
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Permalink • Thursday - December 18, 2014
How would you do?
Honestly, I took this little quiz having no idea of the correct responses. I scored 100%. 11/11. On second thought, Boy Scouts taught me basic survival skill. Applicable in all situations. Zombie apocalypse included.
Posted by Christopher
on 12/18/2014 at 08:23 AM
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On: 07/09/17 03:07
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:
It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.
- Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
- Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
- Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
- Keep talking to each other, whether here or elsewhere
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Oh, and here's some kind of visitor flag counter thingy. Hey, all the cool blogs have one, so I should too. The Visitors Online thingy up at the top doesn't count anything, but it looks neat. It had better, since I paid actual money for it.
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