Sunday - May 13, 2012

in my inbox

The Little Red Hen version 2012

“Who will help me plant my wheat?” asked the little red hen.

“Not I,” said the cow.
“Not I,” said the duck.
“Not I,” said the pig.
“Not I,” said the goose.

“Then I will do it by myself.” She planted her crop and the wheat grew and ripened.



“Who will help me reap my wheat?” asked the little red hen.

“Not I,” said the duck.
“Out of my classification,” said the pig.
“I’d lose my seniority,” said the cow.
“I’d lose my unemployment compensation,” said the goose.

“Then I will do it by myself,” said the little red hen, and so she did.


************
“Who will help me mill the flour?” asked the little red hen.

“Not I,” said the duck.
“I’m on disability,” said the pig.
“It’s against nature for cows to haul sacks. Don’t play to the stereotype that we’re all oxen,” said the cow.
“I have to get my nails done,” said the goose.

“Then I will do it by myself,” said the little red hen, and so she did.



“Who will help me bake the bread?” asked the little red hen.

“That would be overtime for me,” said the cow.
“I’d lose my welfare benefits,” said the duck.
“I’m a dropout and never learned how,” said the pig.
“If I’m to be the only helper, that’s discrimination,” said the goose.

“Then I will do it by myself,” said the little red hen, and so she did.



She baked five loaves and held them up for all of her neighbors to see.
“Who will help me eat the bread?” asked the little red hen.
“I will.” said the cow.
“I will” said the duck.
“I will” said the pig.
“I will” said the goose.

“No,” said the little red hen, “I shall eat all five loaves.”

“Excess profits!” cried the cow.
“Capitalist leech!” screamed the duck.
“I demand social justice and equal rights!” yelled the goose.
The pig just grunted in disdain.

And they all painted ‘Unfair!’ and “1%” picket signs, occupied the farmyard and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.

Then the farmer came. He said to the little red hen, “You must not be so greedy.”

“But I earned the bread,” said the little red hen.

“Exactly,” said Barack the farmer. “That is what makes our free enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under our modern government regulations, the productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with those who are lazy and idle.”

And they all lived happily ever after, including the little red hen, who smiled and clucked, “I am grateful, for now I truly understand.”

But her neighbors became quite disappointed in her. She never again baked bread because she joined the ‘party’ and got her bread free. And all the Democrats smiled. ‘Fairness’ had been established.

Individual initiative had died but nobody noticed; perhaps no one cared so long as there was free bread that ‘the rich’ were paying for.



EPILOGUE

Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his memoirs.

Hillary got $8 million for hers.

That’s $20 million for the memories from two people, who for eight years repeatedly testified, under oath, that they couldn’t remember anything.

IS THIS A GREAT BARNYARD OR WHAT?

Posted by Drew458     on 05/13/2012 at 08:54 AM   
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   Friday - May 04, 2012

Lemmings, Jokes, and the A-Team

Lemmings…

Jokes…

I love it when a good Cabinet comes together!

Posted by Christopher     on 05/04/2012 at 09:31 PM   
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   Tuesday - May 01, 2012

Even Science Follows The Rules

Well, one of them anyway:
Internet Rule 34: If it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions.

In 2009 four of the world’s last seven northern white rhinos (Ceratotherium simum cottoni) were moved from a zoo in the Czech Republic to Ol Pejeta Conservancy in Kenya. At the time conservationists expressed hope that returning the rhinos to semi-wild lives under their native African skies would help inspire the animals to mate and, if they were extremely lucky, save the species from extinction.

No such luck. There were a few half-hearted couplings in early 2011, neither of which resulted in pregnancies, but for the most part, the rhinos showed little to no interest in breeding. Maybe they had spent too much time in captivity. Maybe they were getting old. Maybe they just sensed that they were the last of their kind and wanted to go quietly into the night.

But now something incredible has happened. Not only have two rhinos suddenly started expressing interest in each other, they have actually gone ahead and mated.  Ol Pejeta Conservancy posted this bow-chicka-wow-wow video on April 30

Oh no. I’m not posting that video. If you want hot rhino jungle action you’ll have to follow the link. But it turns out that what got Mr. Big Horn’s interest up was straight out of a Vivid Video: the rhino fluffers brought in several other lady rhinos to get those herd boss juices flowing. And when he realized he could have a three-way, or even a four-way ... well ... bow-chicka-wow-wow, boom boom. Bow-chicka-wow-wow, boom boom.

Posted by Drew458     on 05/01/2012 at 08:06 AM   
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   Saturday - April 28, 2012

Fun With Anagrams

Anagrams: rearrange the letters to come up with new words and phrases. Add whatever punctuation you need.

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER


ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER


DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT


THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE


GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE


THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS


DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM


SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME


ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY


ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET’S RECOUNT


SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z ‘S


A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I’M A DOT IN PLACE


THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE


ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE


MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER


AMERICAN PRESIDENT BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA
When you rearrange the letters:
STUMBLING CLUSTERFUCK OF A MISERABLE FAILURE

Posted by Drew458     on 04/28/2012 at 02:52 PM   
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   Monday - April 16, 2012

Ticket Proof

Russian Academic Beats $400 Driving Ticket With Math And Physics



A UCSD physicist was able to argue his way out of a traffic ticket with a bit of audacity and four pages worth of complex mathematics.

Dmitri Krioukov, a senior research scientist at the University of California, San Diego, was issued a ticket for failing to completely stop at a stop sign. Rather than eat the $400 charge, Krioukov decided to fight, producing a four page paper entitled “The Proof of Innocence,” arguing that it was physically impossible for him to violate the law.

It worked.

“The judge was convinced, and the officer was convinced as well,” Krioukov told PhysicsCentral.

By emphasizing the difference between linear and angular velocity, Krioukov argued that what the police officer witnessed was actually an illusion inconsistent with reality. It’s the same reason why trains seem to move slowly when they’re far away but then speed up when they’re close—even when the actual velocity has remained constant.

“Therefore my argument in the court went as follows: that what he saw would be easily confused by the angle of speed of this hypothetical object that failed to stop at the stop sign. And therefore, what he saw did not properly reflect reality, which was completely different,” Krioukov told NBC San Diego.

Full proof paper here.



Good for Dr. Krioukov that he made it work, but I’m going to guess that both the judge and the cop were simply ... wait for it ... blinded by science.

I have no idea if a little back channel communication between the University head and the county Justice League went on, but I’m wondering if the word got put out to let this one slide. Because, while I’m certain that Dr. K meant well, this is the biggest example of Wise Ass College Kid behavior I’ve ever seen, regardless of how old the guy might be. But if he got to court and set up his chalkboard and then gave a good lecture and wasn’t completely patronizing, keeping his patience and answering any interjections in a way that Everyman could understand, then the judge probably gave him an “A” for effort and the entertainment value thereof, and let it go. Heaven knows, sitting on the bench in traffic court listening to the moronic BS coming from most offenders must be akin to some kind of punishment for a judge.


And I’m jealous. Really.

I hate to say it, but I had this basic idea more than two decades ago, and it didn’t work. Use math and science to beat the rap, because they are above the law and are irrefutable. Ok, my thesis was slightly different, based on harmonic damping. When you stop quickly, the nose of your car will dive a bit towards the ground and then rebound. If you actually come to a stop, no matter how firmly sprung and damped your vehicle is, the harmonic will repeat itself at least once to a lesser degree. Dive, Bounce, dip, bounce. If you fake the stop by jumping on the brakes and then stabbing the gas, the car goes Dive Bounce, lift. That’s physics, and unlike a traffic ticket you can’t beat it. And you can see it, you can see the difference from 50 yards away. Furthermore, my thesis is not hinged on a special point of observation or the special circumstances of something else momentarily getting in the observer’s way, as is Dr. K’s thesis.

Honestly, his math is great, but his entire proof can be jettisoned due to that one instance of obfuscation: the other vehicle that drove by between his stopping car the traffic cop was enough to seal the deal. Furthermore, California motor vehicle law is probably highly similar to New York motor vehicle law, and neither one specifies any minimum instance of time for a stop to occur in.

So now I’m waiting for the next academic, some expert in quantum mechanics, to blow through that stop sign at 90 mph and then argue that he did stop, because if you slice the time fine enough, motion between instants becomes smaller than humanly observable, and what the observers are basing their belief that no stopping occurred on is only the side effects of vehicular mechanics, not the actual stopping itself, or the lack thereof. Actually the time slice isn’t even all that fine, relatively speaking - and I really am speaking relatively. You can’t see a fluorescent light blinking, but it is actually turning itself on and off 60 times a second. The “flicker threshold” is half again faster than that, about 40 times a second. So if you stop for 1/40th second then go again, nobody can see it happen. And you don’t need to be a tree in the forest to prove it; it’s common science. Dr. K is using the same concept, he just isn’t stating it. A momentarily obstructed view is the same as a flicker or a blink.

So why did my case fail? It was back in my college days. I’d just dropped my girlfriend off at her dorm at about 3am, one winter night after another long hot date at my off campus apartment. I was the only car moving on campus. I pulled up next to the stop sign at the corner, right next to ULED (campus cops), just sitting there in their big cop SUV right up on the sidewalk. Same frame of reference as Dr. K., but much closer. I stopped, but only for a very short time, then turned right and drove towards the campus gate. Halfway there, on come the red lights and it’s ticket time. ULED tickets carry real cop weight in that town. I entered a plea of not guilty, and just to screw me over the town gives me a court date of a week after the semester ends. Ha ha, going to stick it to that college boy punk, make him stay over a week at his own expense, or at least re-do the onerous drive all the way up and back to college town just a few days after getting out of there. Well ha ha on them, I lived off campus all year round. And I was furious, and found solace in the halls of Hermes and the embrace of Urania.

So I got to the court, ready to make my case. And the cop lied his ass off. Not only did he put his vehicle on the other side of the intersection, he flat out stated that I didn’t even slow down, and took the corner like a maniac at high speed. So all my precious calculations were for shit, and I had to pay. There is not justice in traffic court. Almost never.


States would be smarter if they amended their laws to mandate the time that a minimum stop must be held for. Half a second seems fair. Long enough to say “potato”. A full second? Plenty sufficient in my opinion. Then me and Dr. K would both be guilty, and neither one of us would have had recourse to seek justice with a calculator and graph paper.

PS - $400 for a failure to stop? Holy cow. What, is California trying to balance their budget based on traffic ticket revenue? Excessive punishment much? Horry Clap!!

Posted by Drew458     on 04/16/2012 at 01:05 PM   
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   Saturday - April 14, 2012

@ The Hillz

A bar bet results in a blog, several dozen silly posts, and a huge wave of Teh Phunnie across the intertoobz. Millions of hits in today’s Short Attention Span Theater.

Alas, Texts From Hillary is now over.

Democrat leaning of course, but pretty funny anyway.

Posted by Drew458     on 04/14/2012 at 10:45 AM   
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Poor Taste With An Extra Shot Of Awesomeness

Abu Hamza Gets Hooked

European court of human rights says the radical cleric can be extradited to the US to face terrorism charges

Abu Hamza, the radical cleric who became the face of violent extremism in Britain, can be extradited to the US to face terrorism charges, the European court of human rights has ruled.

The court in Strasbourg said the human rights of Hamza and four other men held in Britain – Babar Ahmad, Syed Talha Ahsan, Adel Abdel Bary and Khaled al-Fawwaz – would not be violated if sent to the US to stand trial. European judges decided they needed more information about the mental health of Haroon Aswat, an aide to Hamza, before reaching a decision on him.

David Cameron welcomed the court’s ruling. Speaking during a trade mission to south-east Asia, he said: “I am very pleased with the news. It is quite right that we have proper legal processes, although sometimes one can get frustrated with how long they take.”

The home secretary, Theresa May, said the government “will work to ensure that the suspects are handed over to the US authorities as quickly as possible”.

Hamza, who controlled the Finsbury Park mosque in north London and turned it into a factory for violent jihad, was sentenced to seven years’ imprisonment in Britain after being convicted in 2006 of inciting hatred.

The previous government had wanted him sent to the US before his jail term had been completed, but the extradition was halted after his lawyers went to the European court.

The European court of human rights halted extradition proceedings in July 2010, arguing it needed more time to consider complaints that transferring Hamza and others wanted in the US risked breaching their rights by exposing them to possible life imprisonment without parole and solitary confinement.

Ahmad, who the US claims ran a website allegedly raising funds for Islamic extremists, is a computer expert from south London. He has been on remand and refused bail since his arrest in August 2004 on a US extradition warrant.

He was awarded £60,000 in compensation because of the violence British police used during his arrest in December 2003, during which he was punched, kicked and throttled. His case has been supported by the former transport minister Sadiq Khan, who is a family friend and Labour frontbencher.

In the Hamza case, the US has had to given written assurances that it will not impose the death penalty or place the suspects before Guantánamo Bay-style military tribunals.

The US alleges Hamza was in contact with Taliban and al-Qaida terrorists and aided the taking of 16 western tourists as hostages in Yemen in December 1998, an incident that ended in the deaths of three Britons. He is also charged with attempting to set up a training camp for “violent jihad” in Oregon in 1999, along with Aswat.

Nice of the euro-wienies to allow the UK to give us their #1 problem child. Too bad we had to agree not to shoot the hook handed bastard or slowly lower him into the wood chipper to get him over here. On the other hand, it was Obama and Holder who made the agreement, so for once their two faced duplicity might come in useful.

So what do we do with this freak once we get him? Lyndon has the answer; when life gives you lemons you make lemonade. And if the lemons are rotten you can just throw them at the wall for fun. So we’ll give Hanza a “fair trial”, and then put him in solitary somewhere dark and damp forever, and forget about him.  And in the meantime, we’ll mock the crap out of him, and turn his fearsome visage into a joke with a slightly useful purpose.

Behold the source of Lyndon’s new avatar, the Abu Hamza key holder. Very poor taste, but funny as all hell. And there’s no point in having terrorists if we can’t laugh at them on a daily basis.

link #1

original source?

About $5, or make your own. Absolute awesomeness.

Posted by Drew458     on 04/14/2012 at 07:52 AM   
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   Sunday - March 25, 2012

A pretty fishy link

Take a 5 minute digital vacation and dive Dakuwaqa’ Garden in Fiji, with just a mouse click. You’ll need an HD monitor. The CC button turns on captions. Nice restful music too. Follow this link to the pretty fishies. And some rather unusual looking ones too.

Posted by Drew458     on 03/25/2012 at 01:32 PM   
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   Saturday - March 24, 2012

a ghost story?  you decide.

I’m always fascinated by things like this.  Not too sure I believe any of it cos I’ve never personally experienced anything. But then again ...
Well, ya never know. But I confess to wishing sometimes that there were proof positive of such things.
Anyway, it’s fun to speculate.

Supernatural supermarket captures ‘ghost’ on security footage after owner forewarned of haunting
By NINA GOLGOWSKI

A grocery store in South Australia says paranormal detectives are investigating a possible ghost with a penchant for flinging Fruit Roll-Ups.

Brompton IGA store owner Norm Hurst says he turned to his surveillance footage after finding a box of the fruit snacks laying in an aisle, about six meters from its original location, after he had locked up shop.

‘The previous owners told me it was haunted,’ Mr Hurst told Adelaide Now. ‘I thought, ‘yeah, whatever.’ But since we’ve owned the place, strange things have happened.’

Mr Hurst watched the CCTV footage and says he was shocked by what he saw.

‘One of the cameras shows the packet of Roll-Ups just arriving on the ground,’ he told the Herald Sun. ‘It has not just slid off, it has been thrown out of the pasta, yet, the Roll-Ups are kept 12 metres away.’

source and more

Posted by peiper     on 03/24/2012 at 11:59 AM   
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   Monday - March 05, 2012

just wasting time with fun stuff

Amazing what ya find when ur not looking for it.

I read a book not long ago called “Creepers” by David Morrell.
I don’t read too many books more then once and give em away to our various charities here.  A lot go to the hosp. book store. Well, I kept this book aside because of all the URls at the end of the book.  Creepers is a fictional story but the background is quite real, and one I never would have guessed existed.

There are places all over the world with buildings (and amusement parks) long in decay. Many bldgs are dangerous to enter and are boarded up. But there are people who never the less enter and explore.  They become experts at this activity.

Some people have gone armed with a camera to take photos of their experience.
Today, my wife decided it was time to do a clear out. In spite of the many books already given away, we need more room for the newer ones that are going to be coming in in the next few months.  Good grief. Where had she been hiding all the ones now stacked on the table to my left, with the request I go thru em all and decide if there’s any to keep?  So that’s one of things I’ve been doing today.  I was amazed at the ones I had not yet read, those’ll go to the bookcase upstairs.
One of the books was Creepers and for the first time, I went to one of the 10 links he provided. One of which I was warned to stay out of due to malware.
But without any particular reason I just went to this site to see what was there. And found this.

http://www.lostdestinations.com/faces.htm

Do you see the ghostly Civil War soldier, gun in hand, standing poised between the two tombstones to the right? And is it just me, or are there two intensely watchful faces apparent in the screen door behind this woman and child in the pic on the right? Heebie-jeebie!

Some of these pics were sent in by readers. I don’t have any background information on them, other than that they are widely distributed on the web already.

That was so easy to spot that I don’t take it seriously, but think it’s kinda fun and wonder how the photo was done.

Here’s another one that has loads of other links inside it.

I think there are over 30 links at this site.

http://www.derelictlondon.com/home_page.htm

This cemetery was formed in 1855 and was nearly full when John Eustace Anderson was writing his local history in 1900 when he anticipated the need for a new cemetery. Anderson records that there was a mortuary chapel as well as the cemetery. There is no more - the chapel was demolished, along with the boundary railings, soon after the cemetery officially closed in the 1950’s. This really is one of London’s forgotten cemeteries and people walking along one of the footpaths in these woods might be forgiven for not appreciating that this was once a cemetery at all. There are several ghostly tales associated with this place including a hovering nun who floats above a grave plus “Spring Heal Jack” a devilish imp with pointed ears and piercing eyes carried out a number of attacks on people as they crossed common at night during Victorian times.

This link will take you to a derelict cemetery.

http://www.derelictlondon.com/id70.htm

Just some interesting stuff for fun and wasting time.  Cheers.

(the M25 is a road that circles London. I have heard that ppl can be on it for a very long time if they miss their exit. Lots of jokes about M25 I am informed.)

And finally for Drew and anyone else interested:

http://weirdnj.com/

Posted by peiper     on 03/05/2012 at 10:38 AM   
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   Monday - February 27, 2012

does this qualify as gunporn? eye candy?  gunporn eyecandy? weird inventions then.

Have to be gone in about 40 minutes, just happen to see this and it’s a fun must post.
I haven’t a clue why anyone would want this. But I do. I just don’t know why yet.  I’ll wait for Drew and others to tell me. I know there’s a perfectly good reason. I just can’t think of one. Yet.

Take a look.

Wake up with a bang… with the battle-ready coffee mug you can add a laser sight to
By TED THORNHILL
Last updated at 5:24 PM on 27th February 2012

Staying awake during commando surveillance operations has never been easier – thanks to a mug that comes with three military-spec scope rails.

The Battle Mug, made by U.S firm OpticsPlanet, is clearly the meanest looking mug on the planet, especially when it’s carrying its full complement of hardware.

Made from a block of aluminium, the Battle Mug can hold over a pint of your favourite frothy beverage.

He attaches a night vision unit to it, three different laser dots, a bottle opener, two carry handles with night sights – and a bipod for standing it up on.

Each $250 (£160) mug is custom-engraved with its own unique serial number, includes a removable AR15 carry handle – and can be carried safely through customs, because it’s not actually capable of firing bullets.

MailOnline has contacted OpticsPlanet to find out if it can be converted to a gun.

SCROLL DOWN FOR VIDEO

GUNPORN SOURCE

Posted by peiper     on 02/27/2012 at 12:40 PM   
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   Friday - February 24, 2012

Even In Slovakia, This Is Too Easy

Consider this an open thread, a chance to paste in your inventiveness.

BRATISLAVA Slovaks have been voting overwhelmingly in favor of naming a new pedestrian and cycling bridge near their capital for 1980s action film and TV star Chuck Norris.
...
Norris, a martial arts expert-turned film star, is known for playing tough guy characters in such classic movies as “Lone Wolf McQuade,” “Missing in Action” and “The Delta Force.”
...
The actor’s work has become a popular source of kitschy fun among Slovaks and a mainstay for local jokes about macho strength and invincibility.

So here’s your chance. How long is this bridge? How strong is it? What’s it made of? How do you pay the toll or raise the draw bridge? What happens if you have no money to pay the toll? WWCND?

Here’s one of mine: there is no actual Chuck Norris bridge. When trucks or trains need to cross, Chuck Norris just throws them across. Where they land perfectly, every time. Although once in a while some land in London by mistake, but it turns out that’s where the drivers really wanted to go anyway.

Posted by Drew458     on 02/24/2012 at 04:30 PM   
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   Wednesday - February 22, 2012

no words needed when the picture tells the story.

I think this is a case of:  One picture is worth whatever New Jersey Yankee says it is.

Busted! Finnish president’s husband caught admiring more than just the food at royal dinner

By EMILY ALLEN

Royal dinners can be tiresome occasions and sometimes the speeches are just not enough to hold your attention. 

Pentti Arajarvi, the husband of the Finnish president Tarja Halonen, certainly thought so when he attended a state dinner in Copenhagen.

To pass the time the 63-year-old appeared to turn his attention to his neighbour’s chest - who just happened to be Denmark’s Princess Mary who was sat next to him.

NOW SEE THE MOVIE

Am I mistaken or has he fallen asleep?  If not, then the real boob is he for being so obvious.

Posted by peiper     on 02/22/2012 at 06:18 AM   
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   Tuesday - February 14, 2012

happy valentine?  bah. humbug

No mawkish cloying fuzzy stuff here. And besides, Chris set the tone earlier so it’s all his fault. LOL

Cheers All.

Posted by peiper     on 02/14/2012 at 06:03 AM   
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

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