Saturday - April 30, 2005

As The World Turns

The bride-to-be in Duluth, GA who went jogging, was kidnapped, later released by her kidnappers in Albuquerque, NM and who finally was found by police after she called her fiance .... now says she made the whole story up because she got cold feet about marrying the guy.

Got all that? Me neither. Women .... can’t live with them, can’t shoot them! I guess this woman watched all those Bugs Bunny cartoons and was determined not to “take the wrong turn at Albuquerque”.

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) - A Georgia bride-to-be who vanished just days before her wedding turned up in New Mexico and fabricated a tale of abduction before admitting Saturday that she got cold feet and “needed some time alone,” police said.

Jennifer Wilbanks, 32, had called her fiance from a pay phone late Friday and told him that she was kidnapped three days earlier while she was jogging, authorities said. But she soon recanted, according to police.

“It turns out that Miss Wilbanks basically felt the pressure of this large wedding and could not handle it,” said Randy Belcher, the police chief in Duluth, Ga., the Atlanta suburb where Wilbanks lives. He said there would be no criminal charges.

Maybe she should have just eloped .... to Albuquerque. Then she and her dumbass husband could have joined the MinuteMen and helped save America from invasion instead of just providing material for another Jerry Springer episode .... and giving me a chance to use the word “Albuquerque” five times in a single post.

Is it just me or does the bride (below left) resemble Olive Oyl and the groom (below right) resemble Bluto? Where does Popeye fit into this picture? Inquiring minds want to know ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 04/30/2005 at 07:15 AM   
Filed Under: • Crime • Stoopid-People •  
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   Friday - April 29, 2005

Deadbeat Cookie Monsters

The Girl Scouts have had to resort to filing lawsuits to get deadbeat cookie buyers to pay up.

WAUKESHA, Wis. Apr 29, 2005 — Girl Scout cookies aren’t free, as a few alleged deadbeats are about to find out. One scout group has filed small-claims lawsuits against people who failed to pay up.

Christine Slowinski, communications director for the Girl Scouts’ Great Blue Heron Council, said the legal action Thursday came only after several efforts to collect the money from sales of cookies in the annual fund-raising campaign over the past two years.

The amounts owed by two couples and three other women ranged from $301.42 to $1,485.68.

C’mon, folks! Deadbeat dads are bad enough .. but failing to pay for the Girl Scout cookies you promised to buy? How low can people go? These poor little gals (and their parents) bust their buns to finance their organization with these marvelous (and fattening) cookies. Now, admittedly some parents of girl scouts are obnoxious enough to bring their buy lists to the office and blackmail their co-workers into guying these cookies (you know who you are), but agreeing to buy them and then not paying up is extremely naughty.

On a side not, the Girl Scouts have now added a new merit badge: lawyer.

Posted by The Skipper     on 04/29/2005 at 04:50 PM   
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   Thursday - April 28, 2005

Well, well, look at what we have here

UN Probes German Companies in Oil for Food Scandal

German companies are also involved in the kickback scandal looming over the oil for food program. United Nations investigators recently requested exports files on 50 German firms from the Foreign Ministry.

Isn’t it interesting how, one by one, all of the countries that were so “opposed” to the invasion of Iraq and the toppling of Saddam’s regime, are being found out as participating of this cluster-fornication of a program?

Bankers in the city along the Rhone River did brisk business with Saddam, even during the United Nations embargo. Saddam’s followers secretly demanded their piece of the pie: those “pieces” were shares of inflated bills issued to corporations planning to supply goods to Baghdad as part of the oil-for-food program. As one of several channels, one account held at the tony Geneva private bank Safdie could be used to transfer these kickbacks.

Posted by Drew458     on 04/28/2005 at 12:23 PM   
Filed Under: • Crime • EUro-peons • Insanity • Terrorists •  
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   Tuesday - April 26, 2005

Wise Guys

Today there are fewer gangsters in Chicago. The Chicago Mob has been hit by the G-Men. You absolutely have to go read this story. Where else can you start your day reading about wise guys like: Anthony “the Ant” Spilotro, Joey “the Clown” Lombardo, and Frank “the German” Schweihs?

“Today the Outfit takes a hit,” said US Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald, referring to the branch once run by Al Capone.

All 14 suspects are charged with racketeering, which carries a maximum 20-year prison term.

Eleven are charged with conspiracy to murder, and other counts include extortion, illegal gambling, threats, violence, bribery, intimidation and controlling unions, dating back to 1969.

Al Capone would be so proud of his “heirs”. The Windy City seems to still be second only to New York and Las Vegas for mob activity. In a related story, I have the hots for Dr. Melfi, Tony Soprano’s Psychiatrist (played by Lorraine Bracco). Does anyone have her phone number? I need some therapy ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 04/26/2005 at 08:36 AM   
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   Sunday - April 24, 2005

Logical Solution?

^{Mike Lester, Rome News-Tribune, Rome, GA}

Posted by The Skipper     on 04/24/2005 at 07:41 AM   
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   Wednesday - April 20, 2005

START THE DARWIN AWARDS 2005

This was in my in box this morning (thanks Robert.) It is funny and mostly true.

The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington appeared to be the robber’s first (and last), due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:

1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms. A gun shop specializing in handguns.

2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.

3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.

4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work.  Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a .22 target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with a 9mm Glock 17, the clerk with a .50 Desert Eagle, assisted by several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also fired, The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.

Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire. Here we are at the beginning of March and we already may have the 2005 winner of the Darwin Award.  This guy is going to be hard to beat.

Posted by Yellow Dog     on 04/20/2005 at 11:08 AM   
Filed Under: • Crime • Stoopid-People •  
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   Saturday - April 16, 2005

OWEEE!!! IT HURTS!!! IT HURTS!!!

Well I am about halfway through the first section of Friday’s paper, and finally, I came across some good news. Lethal injection may cause acute pain. The article seems to imply that this is a bad thing. I don’t get it. I think that we should slowly dissolve the murderers in a vat of battery acid, but I am just an excitable boy. I got an email from Barb on this subject. I suspect that she will give us the benefit of her wisdom in the near future.

Posted by Yellow Dog     on 04/16/2005 at 10:32 AM   
Filed Under: • Crime •  
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   Thursday - April 14, 2005

Madness At School: Follow-Up

In reference to our recent coverage of the despicable beating and rape of a disabled female student at Mifflin High School in Columbus, Ohio we thought you should know who the administrators of the school are. You can link to the school’s web site here. So far, they have posted absolutely nothing about the revolting incident .... and the MSM remains silent on the crime as well. Where is the outrage!

Regina Crenshaw
Principal

Vincent Clarno
Assistant Principal (Grade 10)

Suzie Ritterer-Helfrich
Assistant Principal (Grade 11 & 12)

Richard Watson
Assistant Principal (Grade 9)

Linda Massey
John Harmon
Kathy Moore
Guidance Counselors

Posted by The Skipper     on 04/14/2005 at 03:38 PM   
Filed Under: • Crime • Education •  
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   Saturday - April 09, 2005

From The Halls Of Montezuma ….

.... To the parking lots of Ohio .... the US Marines are on guard. This one nabbed a purse snatcher. All in a day’s work for a Marine. Ooh-RAH!

Recruiting trip puts Marine in the right place Marine Corps Sgt. Brandon Hampson was out looking for qualified applicants Monday when he found a purse-snatcher instead. No sweat. He just used another part of his Marine training, tackled the guy and held him until police got there. Hampson, of Lancaster, aided in the arrest by the Chillicothe Police Department of Zachary Phillips, 21, of 5020 Bushmill Road. Phillips was charged with theft and taken to the Ross County Jail. Tuesday, he appeared in Chillicothe Municipal Court and was arraigned on the theft charge as well as one count of receiving stolen property. Hampson, who joined the Marines four years ago because he said it is the best thing a young man can do, said he understands the desperation of people, but stealing from a grocery shopping mom and her kid should never be an option. “They were there trying to do normal family stuff,” Hampson said. “No one was there to protect them. I was just glad I was there.”

Posted by The Skipper     on 04/09/2005 at 02:19 PM   
Filed Under: • Crime • Military •  
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   Friday - April 08, 2005

Domestic Weirdness

Imagine yourself sitting around doing your job.  Your wife gets kidnapped.  10 years go by.  Do you give up hope?  Who knows?

But what would you do if after 10 years she shows up?  And you find out she’s been living with her kidnapper?  And then she says she was kept against her will--but was never tied up?

Sorry, I smell a rat.

More GREAT news from our hallowed universities.  It’s bad enough that the professors teaching there are so full of shit but apparently they steal shit, too!  Then try to cover the stink up with money.

Yes, from Harvard, I bring you a professor who from now on should be called, “Dr. Horseshit.”

You are a criminal. You get caught.  Your lawyer defends you and says you are competent to stand trial.  You get convicted.

You appeal.

You represent yourself and say your lawyer was wrong and that you are INCOMPETENT.

Prison officials ought to immediately sterilize this moonbat so he does not procreate any more than he may have already done.

Oh, and he’s a real “MOON"bat, too.  He’s tried filing mining claims on asteroid belts, Jupiter, etc.

This could very well have implications for OCM.

A friend gets arrested.  You go post bail.  You use currency which smells like dope. They arrest you for possession.  The next morning, the friend you came to bail out has to come bail you out.

How stupid can people be?

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 04/08/2005 at 04:01 AM   
Filed Under: • Crime • Education • Miscellaneous •  
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   Wednesday - April 06, 2005

England, Land Of Liberal Asshats

Like the US, England has laws currently on the books prohibiting criminals from voting.

Except now England wants to give ALL criminals the right to vote.

As said so succinctly by those protesting this move:

those excluded from society should not have a say over the way it is governed.

I could not agree more.

“one of the jobs of prisons is to make them better citizens.”

Somehow these moral relativist asshats and believers in some sort of “feel-good” nonsense seem to think this proposal will somehow make criminals decent people again.  What fools!  What lunacy!!!

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 04/06/2005 at 04:07 AM   
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   Tuesday - April 05, 2005

Weird Bits and Snippets

Weird Bits and Snippets

Greedy bitch.  That’s all there is to it.  A man and woman decide to divorce.  She gets half in a settlement but just short of the court finalizing the divorce he croaks.

She goes to court trying to nullify the divorce in order to keep everything,

Greedy bitch.  Piece of crap vermin.  And to think she’s old enough to be a grandmother to some of our readers.  What a disgrace.

She lost. He divorced her ass......from the grave.

Some time ago there was a story about Mark Thatcher (son of Margaret) getting involved in rather nefarious activities in Africa.  Something about a coup in New Guinea.  Well, Marky boy wanted a visa to come to the US.

No way.

Colorado is doing what Florida should be doing....getting the retards out of the left hand lane.

If there’s one thing I can’t stand is some dumb son of a bitch blocking the left lane.  If he or she is doing under the speed limit it really drives me bat-shit.  That’s when I start laying on the horn and using “sign language.”

Stupid fucks act like they own the road.  When I took my driving lessons the book specifically mentioned that left hand lanes must stay clear and be used only for passing.

Apparently it’s not the same book used down here.

Then again, it could be like lots of the laws in the books---there only for decoration.  No one enforces them.

Maybe a few drivers some sub-machine guns strafing the roadways would get the attention of law enforcement.

Hell, it seems to be working with the INS!

The Swedish government recently reduced work-out sessions for prisoners.  I guess they were getting too bulked up.

How do they respond?  They go on a hunger strike.

Good!  Let them starve to death.  I hope no one will put feeding tubes in them.  They did, after all, decide to die this way.

Surely the leftists can agree to that, right?  It’s the prisoner’s right to choose his manner of death and deny extraordinary measures to keep them alive.

But I will bet you $10 to a donut the left will scream they need to be put on life support since prisoners have more rights than Terri Schiavo.  Any takers?

It took me a while to find it and the title does not lend itself to this topic but go here first and find comment #8.  Start there and go through to the end.

Now, go here and read this.

Could BobF be right?

Stand up and take a bow, Bob!

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 04/05/2005 at 06:14 AM   
Filed Under: • Crime • Environment • Judges-Courts-Lawyers •  
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   Saturday - April 02, 2005

Really Odd Bits

Another example of socialized medicine at its best. 

And we wonder why people are always saying Brits have horrible teeth?

Check this out.

Somehow I can not see an American going up to our President and handing over their teeth.

Remind me never to ride horses in Australia.  I could get attacked by birds.

They always said you could go blind from it.  Apparently there may be SOME truth to the saying except the manner of execution leading to the blindness is different.

So the next time you grab for the “little blue odd-shaped pill” ask yourself this:  “Do I get my rocks off or do I go blind?  Rocks off?  Blind?  Rocks off?  Blind?  Rocks off?  Blind?”

Remember, only you can prevent blindness.  On the plus side, if you can’t see what you’re humpin’ then your chances of getting any improve, right?

Re-defining, “going clubbing!”

And don’t forget to wear your fur hat.

It’s bad enough you can’t find a dentist in England.  But apparently you can’t find cops, either.

So the next time you’re there and you get robbed, do the investigation yourself. They don’t have time.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 04/02/2005 at 06:47 AM   
Filed Under: • Crime • Environment • Health-Medicine • Sports •  
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   Friday - April 01, 2005

Child Abuse?

This just in to SEE-BS News.... our intrepid SEE-BS News team captured this picture of a BMEWS member supposedly babysitting his grandson this last weekend. The identity of the BMEWS perp is being withheld pending notification of Child Protection Services. However, SEE-BS News has learned that there is definitely a connection between the criminal who would do this to a young child and the ”More Baby Pictures” post below. For more on this developing story, stay with SEE-BS News, where America goes to get its bullshit news ....

Posted by Dan Rather     on 04/01/2005 at 11:36 AM   
Filed Under: • Crime •  
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