Tuesday - July 29, 2008

Barack Obama, a man mainlining Preparation ‘H’

For my American friends who may not know. Dave Cameron is the leader of the opposition (conservative) party. The Tories.  Now as LyndonB would tell ya were he here, the Cons ain’t exactly what most of us at BMEWS think of when we use the term.  In fact, more then a few Brits themselves are wondering just what a con is anymore.

Anyway, this made up interview is funny.  The articulate and well mannered Obama, and the rap talking white guy, Dave Cameron. The only thing I don’t get exactly is the term, BAZ.  ?  I haven’t seen that term before today.

When Call Me Dave met Call Me BazLast updated at 9:55 PM on 28th July 2008

by Littlejohn in The Daily Mail

Gordon Brown looked about as uncomfortable as a man mainlining Preparation H during his meeting with Barack Obama. But when the Messiah met Call Me Dave it was a marriage made in heaven.

Both the young pretenders are consummate actors. Obama was on a mission to prove to Europeans that he’s One Of Them. CMD seemed desperate to prove he could get down with the folks in the hood.

Sympathising over Barack’s busy schedule (or should that be ‘sked-yule’?), Dave appeared to switch effortlessly into American. A stray microphone picked him up saying: ‘These guys just chalk your diary up.’

Doesn’t sound very Old Etonian to me. Both men were obviously anxious to ingratiate themselves.

Dave was hoping some of the Messiah’s hip stardust would rub off on him, while Obama was striving to graft a little old school European sophistication on to his street smarts - as this full transcript of the conversation shows.

The first voice is Dave’s…

Yo, Barack, my man. How’s it hanging? Gimme five.

Enchanted to meet you, Mr Cameron.

Not so formal, bro. Call me Dave.

That’s awfully kind.

Where’s you bin at, Bazza?

I’ve just been visiting with President Sarkozy, in France.

What’s you wanna be rapping with that cheese-eating surrender monkey for?

I’m hoping to build bridges with Europe.

Stick wiz CMD, Baz. I’ll take you to the bridge. You can’t trust the French.

President Sarkozy does have some interesting ideas. And a most attractive wife.

Carla Bruni, man, damn she’s one hot piece-a ass, you know what I’m sayin’?

Indeed I do, er, Dave.

Dy-no-mite, dude. Not like that Hillary Clinton. Man, you whooped her booty good.

I found Mrs Clinton a formidable opponent, I must admit.

Yo bitch Michelle is one sweet slice o’cherry pie, too, you don’t mind me saying.

Not at all. I am very fortunate to have such a clever and good-looking wife. She is a tremendous asset.

Cool with that, Baz. And my ho Sam ain’t too shabby, you dig? Maybe you and Michelle wanna come hang at my crib sometime - West-side.

That would be most agreeable. I hear you have a windmill on your roof.

Damn right, I do, bro. We all gotta do our bit for the en-vi-ro-ment, save all them polar bears, cut our dependence on Ay-rab oil.

I was told you take a great interest in climate change and green matters.

Even got me a picture with a husky. And my ride’s green, too.

Have you got a Toyota Pious?

Better than that, bro. I got me a bysickle, which I rides to work every day. At least, I did until it was stolen outside Tesco.

I’m sorry to hear that.

It’s cool, Baz. My homies put out the word on the street and the skank who stole it gave it back up. Teach him to mess with the Notting Hill Massive.

Aren’t you going to introduce me to your associates, Dave?

Sure thing, dude. Meet my posse. This here’s my main man Georgie- O and the skell in the baseball cap is Willie H. Show some respect to the senator, guys.

I’m delighted to make your acquaintance. I wonder if we could talk about your policies.

Policies, Baz? Who needs policies when you’re up against a loser like Gordon Brown? You’ve met the dude, he’s dead meat.

He did seem a little buttoned-up. Has he always bitten his fingernails?

Bitten, man? We’re talking five course, all-you-can-eat buffet here.

He obviously has some serious psychological issues. How did he ever win an election?

Never did, bro. Just parked his ass in the chair when Tony Blair left. Brown had the chance to hold an election, but bottled it.

Bottled?

Sorry, Baz. He decided not to because he thought he might lose.

He can do that?

You’re damn right he can, bro.

But his party must have voted for him?

Nope.

You mean he didn’t have to face a primary, or a general election before becoming Prime Minister?

That’s right.

Sounds like Communism to me. We’d never put up with it in America. I mean, I haven’t got any policies, either, but I’ve still got to stand for election in November. And I’ve just been through a gruelling year of primaries. What the hell’s gone wrong with democracy in this crazy country?

Labour’s been trying to abolish it, dude. Our real government’s in Europe these days. Brown handed over the last of Britain’s sovereignty to Brussels without bothering to hold a referendum.

Hang on, let me get this right. England’s all run from Europe now, so it doesn’t really matter who becomes Prime Minister, because he won’t have any real power?

I guess when you put it like that, dude . . .

So why the hell am I wasting my time talking to you, Mr Cameron?

I told you, Baz, call me Dave.

No thanks, Mr Cameron. And enough of the ‘Baz’ already. You can call me ‘Mister President’.

Any colour you like, as long as it’s not black

Absurd: Detective Inspector Chris Pretty has been accused of racism
The first person I heard describe a BMW as ‘Black Man’s Wheels’ was a black man.
It’s an expression which has been in common parlance on the street for donkey’s years.

Now a senior policeman has been reprimanded for using it and had his pay cut as a result.
Superintendent Chris Pretty has been demoted one rank to chief inspector. Two officers complained that when he opened a leaving present containing a toy BMW at a party to mark his last day as head of training, he quipped: ‘Oh, Black Man’s Wheels.’

It was a harmless joke. But instead of telling the complainants to grow up, West Midlands Police took it seriously.

Bini Brown, from the African Caribbean Self Help Organisation in Birmingham, said: ‘These particular comments made by a high-ranking police officer merely add fuel to the myth that BMWs are driven only by black criminals.’

No, they don’t. It’s simply a humorous acknowledgment of the enthusiasm some young black men have for blinged-up Beamers.

Mr Pretty is no racist. He’s done much for the region’s black community as a former head of the ‘black-on-black’ crime taskforce and solved several murders.

A police spokesman said: ‘He has been dealt with in an appropriate manner.’

Actually, he’s been dealt with in an absurd, heavy-handed, vindictive, utterly inappropriate manner.

No wonder so many dedicated police officers are walking away from the job. Mind how you go.

Resident of Club Gitmo

Some news sources still mistakenly describe the last ‘British’ inmate at Guantanamo Bay as a ‘British citizen’. He’s nothing of the sort.

Binyam Mohammed came here from Ethiopia as an asylum seeker in 1994 but was never granted citizenship.

He worked for a while as a janitor and then went to Pakistan ‘to resolve some personal issues’. (At least he didn’t claim to be on a computer course.)

That’s where he was picked up on terrorism charges and transferred to Club Gitmo.

His lawyer is applying to the High Court to force the Foreign Office to secure his release. Technically, he’s not even a British ‘resident’.

He’s an Ethiopian citizen who happened to live here once and was resident in Pakistan when he was arrested. Now he’s resident at Guantanamo Bay.

He’s not our problem and we don’t want him back.

http://tinyurl.com/6lme6l

Posted by Drew458     on 07/29/2008 at 03:14 PM   
Filed Under: • Fun-Stuff • Humor • Insanity • Satire • UK •  
• Comments (7) • Trackbacks(0)  Permalink •  

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