Wednesday - March 12, 2008

Another Brilliant Idea from Uncle Sam

GUANTANAMO BAY NAVAL BASE, Cuba - The U.S. military said Tuesday that it will allow detainees to make regular phone calls to their families from Guantanamo Bay prison, where many have been confined in extreme isolation for as long as six years.

Great. Next on the adgenda, conjugal visits. I’ve heard rumors the Navy has been rounding up dozens of goats.

The new policy by the Defense Department, which previously said security concerns prevented such calls, is part of a strategy to ease conditions for frustrated prisoners at the U.S. Navy base in southeast Cuba.

Critics suggest the move aims to improve the image of the prison, which has been a flash point for criticism of Bush administration policies at home and abroad since it opened in January 2002.

A Pentagon spokesman, Navy Cmdr. Jeffrey Gordon, said the telephone policy reflects a commitment to maintaining the health and well-being of Guantanamo detainees. No start date has been set for the program.

Maintaining their health and well-being. Super. Um, why? Oh that’s right; we’re playing by a set of rules the other side not only doesn’t adhere to, they’ve never even heard of!

It was not clear how the military plans to monitor the calls. A spokesman for the detention center, Army Lt. Col. Ed Bush, said it is working out procedures and has no timeline for starting the program. He declined to provide details about which detainees would be eligible and how often calls would be permitted.

No doubt that a crack squad of ultra-leftist lawyers is already preparing lawsuits to allow these calls to be completely private, untapped, and of extraordinarily long time length. Naturally the US government will pick up the charges.

Detainees’ attorneys welcomed the phone calls but said reconnecting with family could make life more painful for those at Guantanamo, where the U.S. military holds about 275 men on suspicion of links to terrorism, al-Qaida or the Taliban.
...
Chicago lawyer H. Candace Gorman, who represents a Guantanamo detainee, said she learned on a recent visit with her client that prisoners will be allowed to speak with their families for one hour every six months.

You know, now that I’ve thought about it, this may actually be a good idea. First off because it would probably take anyone in their family about 6 months to journey to a place that actually has a working telephone. Next, one call twice a year is just enough contact with the outside world to give them a weensy little smidgen of hope. And then shatter it like glass. So the phone calls wind up being a subtle form of torture. Ooh, I like it. Just make sure to record every word, and add in a bunch of static to the line if necessary to make it really hard for both ends to understand each other.

In an attempt to reduce hostility inside the detention center, military commanders have recently pursued plans for humanities courses and more open communal areas for men held in isolation 22 hours a day. Attorneys for detainees say the assaults against guards are partly triggered by frustration among men with no real chance to confront accusations that they are enemy combatants.

Ok, now we’re back to Extra Stoopid Ideas^tm. Not only are these prisoners better fed than anyone else in their home countries, now they’ll be better educated. But hang on, they’ll only have degrees in Liberal Arts. Which should suit them well if they ever get out; God knows the world needs more people trained to work the drive-thru window at McDonald’s. But what’s this I’m reading about attacks on the guards? Funny, I’m certain I didn’t hear a thing about that in the news. Tase ‘em, bro. Then tase ‘em again. And they’re frustrated because they can’t confront accusations that they’re enemy combatants? WTF?? These chumps were picked off the battlefields. What the hell kind of fools do you take us for?

Posted by Drew458     on 03/12/2008 at 10:40 AM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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