Wednesday - March 07, 2007
News Of The Weird
- “Unzipped Fly Leads Officers to Pot Stash” - ABC NEWS
- “Jesus Might Be Alive and Well in Houston” - ABC NEWS
- “Cannabis Grandmother Spared Jail” - BBC
- “Indian Cow Eats More Chicken” - CNN
- “Elvis Voters Alert Suspicious Minds In New Guinea” - CNN
- “Drill Sergeant Accused of Forcing Trainee to Dress as Superman, Submit to Sex Acts” - FOX NEWS
Posted by The Skipper
on 03/07/2007 at 12:20 PM
Filed Under: • Odd-Strange •
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Permalink • Irish Eyes Are Smiling
Brian Fairrington - Cagle Cartoons
Needed This St. Patrick’s Day – Ronald Reagan
-- By Tom Purcell
It was on St. Patrick’s Day 1988 when an unexpected visitor arrived at Pat Troy’s Irish pub in Alexandria, Va—President Ronald Reagan.
For 27 years, it’s been a favorite watering hole for Washington insiders. Some of Reagan’s advance men had been regulars. They secretly arranged the president’s visit.
Just before noon, the pub was half-packed when Reagan and his entourage arrived. As news got around, the pub quickly filled to capacity. While Reagan enjoyed a pint of Harp and some corned beef and cabbage, Troy was so busy tending to patrons, he didn’t have time to react to his famous patron.
“He had an energy about him that put you instantly at ease,” Troy told me. “He made it easy to carry on as though he was just another patron, so that is what I did.”
Troy took the stage and led the audience in “The Wild Rover.” He directed sections of the audience to compete with each other to see which could sing and clap the loudest.
“You have to clap louder, Mr. President,” he said to Reagan, prompting the president, not used to being given orders, to laugh.
Troy next led the audience in “The Unicorn Song.” While Troy sang the words, the audience mimicked the animals referenced in the song:
“There were green alligators and long-necked geese, some humpty backed camels and some chimpanzees. Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you’re born, the loveliest of all was the unicorn.”
Reagan turned to watch a group of young women act out the song. His face showed curiosity and delight – he’d never seen this song performed before.
But that was how he was: At the same time he was the world’s most powerful man, the man who felled communism and restored American optimism, he was a man of youthful innocence who found immense pleasure in the simplest things.
When Troy finished, he handed the president the microphone. The normally raucous crowd became extraordinarily quiet.
Reagan spoke off the top of his head. He graciously thanked Troy for having him for lunch. He said it was a great surprise. He talked about his father, an Irishman.
“When I was a little boy, my father proudly told me that the Irish built the jails in this country,” he said, pausing expertly. “Then they proceeded to fill them.”
The crowd laughed heartily.
“You have to understand that for a man in my position, I’m a little leery about ethnic jokes,” he said. The crowd roared. “The only ones I can tell are Irish.”
He talked about a recent trip to Ireland. He visited Castle Rock, the place where St. Patrick erected the first cross in Ireland.
“A young Irish guide took me to the cemetery and showed me an ancient tombstone there,” he said. “The inscription read: ‘Remember me as you pass by, for as are you so once was I, and as I am you too will be, so be content to follow me.”
As Reagan paused, the crowd eagerly awaited his follow up.
“Then I looked below the inscription, where someone scratched in these words: ‘To follow you I am content, I wish I knew which way you went.’”
The crowd roared loud and long, causing the president to deadpan to his advance men: “Why didn’t I find this place seven years ago?”
The pub visit was videotaped by Reagan staffers and released to Troy 10 years after Reagan left office. I watched that video and got to see a snapshot of pure, unscripted Ronald Reagan.
It shows how powerfully and eloquently the man was able to engage any audience, large or small, just by being his genuine self. As we begin the process of selecting our next president, we sure could use another fellow like him.
I’ll be sure to offer up a toast to the Great Communicator as I celebrate St. Patrick’s Day this year:
“To follow you we were content, and grateful for the way we went.”
Tom Purcell is a humor columnist nationally syndicated exclusively by Cagle Cartoons. For comments to Tom, please email him at Purcell@caglecartoons.com
Posted by The Skipper
on 03/07/2007 at 11:21 AM
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Permalink • Tuesday - March 06, 2007
Lost!
Hehehehehehe ...
(Click image for larger 1065x915 in popup window)
(Photo from Google Earth Desktop)
Posted by The Skipper
on 03/06/2007 at 04:00 PM
Filed Under: • Fun-Stuff •
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Permalink • Open Letter To The President
President George W. Bush
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500
Mr. President,
I’m sure you have heard the breaking news by now that the jury has returned a verdict in the I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby Jr. trial. In case you haven’t heard the jury found him guilty on four of the five counts he was charged with and he faces more than 20 years in prison. That’s going to be pretty tough for a 56-year-old man. I’m 58 myself and I wouldn’t look forward to 20 years in the slammer.
Now I’m sure you’re already reaching for your Presidential fountain pen to sign a Presidential Pardon for “Scooter” because you know as well as I do that he just got caught up in the ridiculous Plamegate fantasy that Plame, her husband Joe Wilson and the NY TIMES concocted to embarrass you, the Vice President and your entire administration. That’s all well and good sir and I want to thank you in advance for pardoning this tired old man but before you sign that paper I want you to consider this, please ...
Ignacio Ramos and Jose Compean Yes sir, I’m sure you know who these men are too. They are border guards who were unjustly imprisoned for shooting and wounding a Mexican drug smuggler caught in the act of smuggling drugs into this country. They were convicted mainly based on testimony from the drug smuggler himself who cut a deal with the federal prosecutor, who let him go free in exchange for his testimony. This drug smuggler was later caught again trying to smuggle drugs into the country but the two men named above are in prison and one of them was badly beaten by Hispanic prisoners recently.
Now here’s the deal, sir. If you pardon “Scooter” Libby and leave these two men, who were doing their job, guarding our borders, to rot in jail and be beaten by the very illegals they have worked so hard to stop - I will not take it kindly. I’m sorry sir but that’s just the way it has to be. I know you’re compassionate and I am asking you to do the right thing by pardoning all three ... “Scooter” and the two Border Patrol agents.
If you free your friend without freeing the two border guards, I’m afraid our friendship is at an end, sir. I have stood by you and valiantly defended you for six long years, through thick and thin and all I’m asking in return is that you examine your conscience and make this right. I hate to lose a good friend but I will have to insist on your honoring my small request.
Thank you and may God bless you and your family and God bless America.
Respectfully,
Allan C. Kelly
(The Skipper)
St. Louis, MO
06-MAR-2007
Posted by The Skipper
on 03/06/2007 at 01:07 PM
Filed Under: • Illegal-Aliens • Judges-Courts • Politics •
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Permalink • Motivational Poster Of The Day
Posted by The Skipper
on 03/06/2007 at 08:42 AM
Filed Under: • Motorvators •
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Permalink • Chocolate Lawsuit
One billion dollars for levee repairs and $76 billion for “the city’s tarnished image and tourist industry losses”? If this was anybody else but Ray “Chocolate” Nagin, I’d say it was a joke. But no. Sadly, Nagin looked around his city and realized he was short on chocolate - the green kind. Probably due to the city’s population being less than half of what it was before Katrina.
Unfortunately, the half that did come back are committing as much if not more crime than before. Murders, rapes and robberies are back to pre-hurricane levels so Mayor Ray needs lots of greenbacks to fix the city’s image. What does he figure to do with all that money, buy the criminals off? Probably. One thing you can be sure of - if he wins the lawsuit, at least half will wind up in certain politicians bank accounts. It is Louisiana, after all and we are talking about Democrats. That is a combination only Satan could love ...
Mayor Nagin: We ‘Piled It on’ in Suit Against Army Corp of Engineers
NEW ORLEANS (FOX NEWS) - Saturday, March 03, 2007
The city “looked at everything and just kind of piled it on,” Mayor Ray Nagin said. “We got some advice from some attorneys to be aggressive with the number, and we’ll see what happens,” he said.
New Orleans has joined big business and thousands of homeowners in filing claims seeking compensation from the corps for damages sustained when the levees broke during the 2005 storm, flooding 80 percent of the city. The claims allege poor design and negligence by the corps led to the failure of flood walls and levees.
The city attorney’s office also considered such things as “decreases in the city’s image, tourist industry activity and potential business industry, losses in the tax base and generated revenue, and a decrease in the city’s overall population,” in making the assessment, according to a statement from City Hall.
A spokeswoman for the mayor could not explain how the city quantified losses not tied to infrastructure. A 43-page form filed with the corps, reserving the city’s right to sue for $77 billion, also provides little insight. It does not quantify “loss of tax revenue,” for example, and supporting documents for city-owned properties, such as a police crime lab and libraries, omit any estimates of property values of flood-related damages, The Times-Picayune newspaper reported Saturday.
Posted by The Skipper
on 03/06/2007 at 06:20 AM
Filed Under: • Democrats • Corruption and Greed • Lawyers •
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Permalink • Equal Time
In the last 48 hours, since I posted the “Faggot Poll” below, I have received 37 e-mails from homosexuals accusing me of homophobia in every way, shape and form. A few of them demanded “equal time” to explain how “hurtful” and “demeaning” the word “faggot” is to them.
However, in the interests of “Equal Time” and under the rules of the Federal Communications Act of 1934, I present the following as a counterpoint to the whole Ann Coulter “faggot” kerfuffle. Happy reading ....
Review:
Michael Thomas Ford garnered lots of laughs in 1998 with Alec Baldwin Doesn’t Love Me and Other Trials from My Queer Life. The follow-up collection of pieces from his syndicated column, That’s Mr. Faggot to You, continues Ford’s exploration of contemporary gay life. In the title essay, reports of a teenager who successfully sued his school district for failing to prevent physical and mental abuse by his classmates prompts Ford to recall his own traumatic high school experiences and leads him to recognize that, years later, “he is happier, more successful, and a great deal more attractive” than his classmates.
In other essays, he discusses the you-and-me against-the-world relationship he has with his black Labrador, proposes a new line of Christian-friendly action figures (including a Jonah and the Whale Play Set, “appropriate for bath-time use or fun in the pool"), and even manages, despite his uncertainties, to offer an adolescent nephew dating advice (concluding that “guy problems were guy problems, regardless of who the person creating the dilemma was or how many holes she or he had"). That’s Mr. Faggot to You is a humorous slice of contemporary gay life that’s bound at least to elicit a smile from any reader.
Cranky, bemused and extremely funny, Ford (Alec Baldwin Doesn’t Love Me) is brilliant even on potentially mundane topics like high school reunions ("Michael Thomas Ford is very proud to announce that he is still queer… [and] happier, more successful, and a great deal more attractive” than his former schoolmates) and the giving of advice to his 12-year-old nephew about girlfriends (it wasn’t so bad, once he mentally substituted Roberto and Jesse for Amber and Megan in the junior-high love triangle). Ford is peeved at a number of people, including Baptists boycotting Ellen, a certain senator from North Carolina and former ACT-UP leaders who now want gay men and women to be “just like everybody else.”
Posted by The Skipper
on 03/06/2007 at 05:56 AM
Filed Under: • Homosexuality • Satire •
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Permalink • No More Ninjas In Britain
OK, people. Show of hands here. Raise your hand if you didn’t see this coming. - - - - OK, I see. It seems no one is surprised at this latest Nanny State Nuttiness.
Yes, believe it or not, Britain is now banning citizens from owning sharp knives. Rumor has it that in June the Liberal government will add sharp sticks and rocks to the list of banned items.
Finally, sometime next year the use of the phrase “self-defense” will be severely punished as being politically incorrect and a threat to society as a whole. Individuals who are attacked by criminals will be encouraged to keep a stiff upper lip and not resist as they are beaten, stabbed and shot to death.
The second verse of “God Save The Queen” (the British national anthem) pretty much sums it up ...
O Lord, our God, arise, Scatter her enemies, And make them fall.
Confound their politics, Frustrate their knavish tricks,
On Thee our hopes we fix, God save us all.
Samurai Swords To Be Banned
(TELEGRAPH-UK) - 2:08am GMT 06/03/2007
Breaching the ban, which is targeted at cheap imitation samurai swords rather than the more expensive genuine collectors’ items made by licensed swordsmiths in Japan, would result in up to six months in jail and a £5,000 fine.
Collectors and martial arts enthusiasts owning or using genuine samurai swords would be exempt from the ban. According to Home Office estimates, there have been at least 80 serious crimes involving the swords in England and Wales over the last four years.
One MP recently warned that they were being used by criminal gangs as the preferred weapon of choice after guns. Last month, amphetamine addict Hugh Penrose was jailed for at least 19 years for hacking a 21-year-old woman with a samurai sword and then deliberately running her over.
In October, Bradley Moran was jailed for 17 years for murdering another man with a samurai sword following an argument in a nightclub. It is currently legal to buy samurai swords - which are freely available at martial arts shops and on the internet - provided they are not brandished in a public place.
The Home Office now wants to ban their sale as part of a wider crackdown on knives and bladed weapons. Carrying a samurai sword in a public place already attracts a maximum jail sentence of four years.
Vernon Coaker, the Home Office minister, said today: “Samurai sword crime is low in volume but high in profile and I recognise it can have a devastating impact. “Banning the sale, import and hire will take more dangerous weapons out of circulation, making our streets safer.
“We recognise it is the cheap, easily-available samurai swords which are being used in crime and not the genuine, more expensive samurai swords which are of interest to collectors and martial arts enthusiasts.”
“It is already illegal to have a samurai sword in a public place but I want to restrict the number of dangerous weapons in circulation to enhance community safety.”
The plans are outlined in a consultation paper, Banning Offensive Weapons, published by the Home Office today. At present there are 17 weapons, including knuckle-dusters and batons, on the Offensive Weapons Order.
Posted by The Skipper
on 03/06/2007 at 05:01 AM
Filed Under: • Euro-Peons •
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Permalink • Barking Southerner In Disguise?
Posted by The Skipper
on 03/06/2007 at 04:23 AM
Filed Under: • Hildabeast •
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Permalink • Reader Survey Poll
Just vote “NO” if you feel Ann should not apologize.)
G.O.P. Candidates Criticize Slur by Conservative Author
WASHINGTON (NY TIMES) - March 3, 2007
The remarks by Ann Coulter, an author who regularly speaks at conservative events, were sharply denounced by the candidates, Senator John McCain of Arizona, Rudolph W. Giuliani of New York and Mitt Romney of Massachusetts. Their statements came after Democrats, gay rights groups and bloggers raised a storm of protest over the remarks.
Speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference before an overflow crowd on Friday, Ms. Coulter said, “I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, but it turns out you have to go into rehab if you use the word ‘faggot,’ so I — so kind of an impasse, can’t really talk about Edwards.”
Mr. Edwards’s aides responded with an e-mail message that attacked Ms. Coulter and urged supporters to donate to Mr. Edwards’s campaign. “John was singled out for a personal attack because the Republican establishment knows he poses the greatest threat to their power,” said his campaign manager, David E. Bonior. “Since they have nothing real to use against him, Coulter’s resorting to the classic right-wing strategy of riling up hate to smear a progressive champion.”
Ms. Coulter, asked for a reaction to the Republican criticism, said in an e-mail message: “C’mon, it was a joke. I would never insult gays by suggesting that they are like John Edwards. That would be mean.”
- More ...
Posted by The Skipper
on 03/06/2007 at 01:00 AM
Filed Under: • Democrats • Homosexuality • Liberals • Politics •
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Permalink • Monday - March 05, 2007
Lost!
OK, Zoomies! Here’s an easy one for you today. We’re lost over CONUS and that’s a USAF base down there and it has a 15,000 ft. runway which should handle just about anything, right? The weather is warm and yes, that is what looks like desert or dry lake bed at the end of the runway - which it would be a good idea to avoid on takeoff. The clock is ticking. You now have five minutes to tell me where in heck I am before I push one of these gazillions of buttons in front of me (see pic below) and bring this bird down ....
Posted by The Skipper
on 03/05/2007 at 02:42 PM
Filed Under: • Fun-Stuff •
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Permalink • Most Ridiculous Item Of The Day
Teens Accused Of Making Ostrich Impotent
BERLIN (YAHOO NEWS) - Mon Mar 5, 9:33 AM ET
Rico Gabel, a farmer in Lohsa, northeast of Dresden, is claiming $6,450 in damages for the alleged antics of the three youths, ages 17-18, between Dec. 27 and 29, 2005.
According to his lawsuit, the farmer claims that fireworks set off by the boys made the previously lustful Gustav both apathetic and depressed, and thus unable to perform for a half-a-year with his two female breeding partners.
Before Gustav regained his sex drive in the second half of the year, the farmer estimates he lost out on 14 ostrich offspring — worth $460 apiece. The suit is due to be heard next Monday in a regional court in nearby Bautzen, the court said Monday. The teenagers’ names were not released.
Posted by The Skipper
on 03/05/2007 at 02:08 PM
Filed Under: • Animals • Odd-Strange •
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Permalink • Motivational Poster Of The Day
Posted by The Skipper
on 03/05/2007 at 01:38 PM
Filed Under: • Motorvators •
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Permalink • For The Children
When I was in high school in south Alabama (a little town called Opp) way back when (the mid-1960’s), our biggest football rival was Andalusia, the country seat. The second biggest game each year was against Enterprise. They were a much bigger school than us but we always gave them a hard time - and sometimes won. Today I feel nothing but sorrow for the school - and for the parents who lost children there last week.
In addition to the school, the local Red Cross office was destroyed. So I’m asking you to make a donation if you can to help out. A little prayer for the folks down there would also be appreciated. Thanks.
Scott Stantis - The Birmingham (Alabama) News
Twister Hits High School In Alabama, Killing 15
ENTERPRISE, ALA. (GLOBE & MAIL) - March 2, 2007
Tornadoes ripped through Alabama and killed at least 18 people yesterday, including 15 at a high school where students became pinned under debris when a roof collapsed, state officials said. As night fell, crews dug through piles of rubble beneath portable lights at Enterprise High School, looking for other victims.
“The number could very well increase as the search effort continues through the night,” state emergency-management spokeswoman Yasamie Richardson said. The storm struck about 1:15 p.m., and Ms. Richardson said some students were still trapped three hours later. Erin Garcia, a 17-year-old senior, said students had gathered in hallways around 11 a.m. as a precaution.
School officials wanted to send them home around 1 p.m., she said, but the weather turned bad and sirens wailed. Then, she said, the lights went out. I was just sitting there praying the whole time,” she said. After the storm passed, she found the hallway she was in was spared, but a roof and wall collapsed on students in another hallway.
“It was scary. It sounded like a bunch of people trying to beat the wall down. It was complete chaos out in the hallway,” she said. More than 50 people were hospitalized as the violent storm front crossed the state. Two died elsewhere in Enterprise and one in rural Millers Ferry, where a separate storm wrecked mobile homes, Ms. Richardson said.
The burst of tornadoes was part of a larger line of thunderstorms and snowstorms that stretched from Minnesota to the Gulf Coast. Authorities blamed a tornado for the death of a seven-year-old girl in Missouri, and twisters also were reported in Kansas. At Millers Ferry, about 100 kilometres west of Montgomery, trailer homes were flipped over and trees downed, said Bernadine Williams in the Wilcox County emergency-management office.
Posted by The Skipper
on 03/05/2007 at 05:50 AM
Filed Under: • Climate-Weather • Personal •
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Permalink • Five Most Recent Trackbacks:
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It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.
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