BMEWS
 
Sarah Palin's presence in the lower 48 means the Arctic ice cap can finally return.

calendar   Friday - March 06, 2015

the poor yoots who want to join up with isis are really victims themselves

From time to time as everyone here is aware, I lose my rag, is that the correct expression?
As readers here well know, from time to time I rant and rave and act as if I’m the Lone Ranger, the only person on the planet who knows how absurd and stupid our culture has become.  It’s simply pure frustration and the certain knowledge that there isn’t a damn thing I can personally do about anything.  Except rant but even that doesn’t necessarily make me feel any better or relieved to have gotten the same old same old thing off my chest.

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I sometimes feel like a right wing version of socialist comic Lewis Black, in a rage at the unreasonable and pointless stupidity of the left. 

I recently wrote such an email to Drew commenting on the newest Britain First group and a new magazine they are publishing. I wish the best for them and the cause which I believe in.  But.

When I read things like the following I truly despair.  It isn’t so much these folks are total idiots.  I can accept the world has loons and always will.
What is so damn discouraging is … they have so damn much influence.  They set the agendas.  And not just here in the UK. 

Here’s the headline.

‘YOUTHS LURED BY ISIS ARE VICTIMS, NOT TERRORISTS’

Victims my ass but the thing is, people are buying into that rot.  And these so called youths are anywhere from 15 to 20. 
We live in an age when any of these youthful ‘victims’ are aware and can see for themselves, the butchery sanctioned and encouraged by all terror groups. From crucifixions and beheadings to the burning alive of prisoners taken by ISIS.

The walking vermin nicknamed Jihad John who btw is not a Brit altho he speaks with a Brit accent having lived here since the age of 6, a hooded figure recently unmasked, has been featured in every paper in the UK along side his many atrocities, has become for some a sort of folk hero.

No ‘youth’ of any age who wants to join that band of psychopathic killers is a victim.
They want in on the hunt and kill. But apologists are coming out of the woodwork
saying things like, “Young muslims lured to Syria by extremist groups should not automatically be labelled terrorists but dealt with like victims of trafficking, the head of Europol has said.”

The Brit director of the pan European Union policing agency says that authorities should follow the tactics used in anti slavery operations to stem the flow of would be jihadists, who often have been groomed on line.

It’s all BS.  Any one of the scum who go over and survive should never be allowed back into the country. Better yet, maybe they should, and then disposed of quietly.


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Posted by peiper   United Kingdom  on 03/06/2015 at 08:45 AM   
Filed Under: • Democrats-Liberals-Moonbat Leftists •  
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calendar   Thursday - March 05, 2015

From Out Of The Blue, One Way Or Another

Chicken Little peeps out at the sky, to see if it has stopped falling.

So far, so good.

Looks like we had 2” of snow here today. 4 times.  We had 2” on the walk this morning. I shoveled it off. We had 2” on the walk a couple hours later when the condo guys came by. They shoveled it off. We had 2” in the late afternoon when I took the garbage out, so I shoveled. Then we had about 2” at some point this evening, when the condo guys came around again and shoveled once more.

Skies are overcast, but not much more than another flake or two is predicted. Followed by at least 36 hours of really friggin’ cold to set things, followed by a week(??!!!???!) of above freezing temperatures? No way.


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Vilmar ran a neat post on an old airplane today. I saw it, and wanted to do a copycat post on the old Fairchild PT-19. But I couldn’t find a video of one flying in its proper colors, yellow and blue. This is a plane that I didn’t even know was real; I thought it was just some thing Cox put together. You see, the real PT-19 was the main pursuit pilot training plane from WWII.  And it looked like this

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but millions of boys my age only knew of the one that Cox made, a learn to fly control line model plane with a real gas engine!!!, the fabulous Cox 0.049. The airplane was designed to crash, and held together loosely with a few rubber bands. And it looked like this

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Ah, memories. Of the greasy, oily fuel the dinky little engine used. Of those horrible “dry cell” batteries that could barely heat the glow plug, which was half the size of grain of rice. Of the smell, and the smoke, and how everything got covered in the oily exhaust after you finally got the damn little engine running after 90 million attempts. Of continually crashing the plane because the elevator was way too sensitive. Get it going, fly it half a circle a few inches off the ground, give the handle some “up”, and watch the plane instantly go vertical, straight up, over your head at 400mph on the end of the 25 foot wires, and straight down into the ground. Smash! However, the plastic parts were very flexible and resilient, so get out another 4 or 5 rubber bands and put it back together again and try once more.

Seriously, until I was in my mid-20s I never knew that there was an actual real airplane this plastic toy SplatMaster crashing machine was based on. How about that?

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In similar news, actor Harrison Ford has crashed his restored Ryan ST-22, another trainer aircraft from the WWII era. He had an engine failure and was forced to land on the fairway of a golf course. The plane is a bit bent, as is the pilot. Not the best landing landing Han, but good enough!

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Harrison Ford crash-landed his vintage plane Thursday after losing engine power, suffering serious but not life-threatening injuries after using his extensive piloting skills to “beautifully” bring down the plane on a golf course and avoid nearby homes.

It was the latest and most serious in a series of crashes and close calls for the 72-year-old action-adventure A-lister, who like his “Star Wars” alter-ego Han Solo has a taste for aerial thrills. He was helped by golfers who saw the plane come down about a quarter-mile short of the runway at Santa Monica Municipal Airport and taken to a hospital conscious and breathing.

Fire officials would not confirm the pilot’s identity. However, an email from interim Santa Monica city manager Elaine Polachek sent to city officials said the plane was flown by Ford.

According to the email, Ford was about a half-mile west of the airport and flying at 3,000 feet when he told air traffic controllers that his engine failed. Ford’s plane “apparently hit a tree on the way down,” and in addition to a cut forehead Ford may have broken his leg, the email said.

The plane, a yellow 1942 Ryan Aeronautical ST3KR with stars on its wings, was upright and mostly intact after the crash. No one on the ground was hurt.

“I would say that this is an absolutely beautifully executed – what we would call – a forced or emergency landing, by an unbelievably well-trained pilot,” said Christian Fry of the Santa Monica Airport Association.


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Posted by Drew458   United States  on 03/05/2015 at 10:04 PM   
Filed Under: • Crimeplanes, trains, tanks, ships, machines, automobiles •  
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A Little Extra Excitment In NY

Hey Bubba, watch this!

We’re gonna land a jet airliner on the ice during a snowstorm!  Yeeeeha!!

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Oops



Three people were transported to hospitals Thursday morning after a Delta plane skidded off a runway at New York’s LaGuardia Airport during a snow storm, prompting the airport to announce it will be closed until 2 p.m. ET.

The plane, a MD-88 that was traveling from Atlanta to New York, was carrying 125 passengers and five crew members. Those on board were able to exit the plane on emergency slides. Passengers trudged through the snow in an orderly line after climbing off the plane.

The condition of those transported to hospitals was not immediately clear, but authorities reported only minor injuries.

Aaron Smith, a passenger in Row 13 told MyFoxNY.com that the plane’s left wing was sheared off of the plane.

“Little shaken up,” Smith said. “I don’t think any of this is going to sink in until tomorrow.”

The airport announced that it was closed Thursday due to an “aircraft incident.”

Authorities are investigating the cause of the incident. Authorities said at a press conference Thursday afternoon that shortly before the incident, two planes landed without incident and pilots reported “good breaking action.”

No, no, you journalistic rider of the extra short school bus, wearer of the safety helmet with the double chin strap, good “braking” action. Good “breaking” action is exactly what you got when you didn’t have the other kind ... one wing snapped right off. D’uh.

And of course it was a Delta plane. From Atlanta. Southerners never could drive in the snow! tongue laugh

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The plane spun out and stopped halfway down the runway, with the nose out over the icy waters of Flushing Bay. Another few dozen yards and this could have been a terrible calamity.

See more ... in the UK papers, of course, who have all the pictures.


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Posted by Drew458   United States  on 03/05/2015 at 02:07 PM   
Filed Under: • Climate-Weatherplanes, trains, tanks, ships, machines, automobiles •  
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and not a gun in sight …. of course not.  guns are dangerous

In a world that doesn’t believe in gun ownership …..

Anything is possible.

I recently saw a very funny (it must be admitted) comedian doing a number on gun ownership and the hapless American loons who see attackers and would be killers around every bend.  Of course he wrote his routine based upon his own personal thinking which totally excluded, conveniently, many cases on record of lives saved because someone was armed unknown to their attackers.

So here’s today’s story without a gun. Or a weapon of any sort except in the hands of the verminous bastards who …..


Pregnant woman, 22, attacked with baseball bat and knife by masked gang after they burst into her home while she was GIVING BIRTH

· Pregnant woman, 22, was beaten with baseball bats while giving birth

· Gang of five men broke into her home in Essex and demanded money

· They attacked 22-year-old and slashed her in the face with a butcher’s knife

· She suffered a haemorrhage and was rushed to Basildon Hospital

· Young mother gave birth to a healthy baby on Tuesday despite injuries

· Police are now hunting five men, aged in the twenties, involved in attack

By Jenny Awford for MailOnline

A pregnant woman was beaten with baseball bats and slashed in the face with a butcher’s knife when a masked gang burst into her home while she was giving birth.
The 22-year-old was about to leave for hospital when five masked men smashed their way into her house in Basildon, Essex, at around 8.30pm using crowbars.
She suffered a haemorrhage and may have a fractured skull after the gang attacked her with crowbars and a knife while her two-year-old child was asleep in bed.

You don’t need me to add anything else. The whole story is below.
And it sucks.

CONTINUED

As long as I’m the subject .... that being crime ....

A few days ago a group of youngsters were riding their bikes down a London street when suddenly another group on foot ran out to attack and steal their bikes.
Sadly ,,,, in one case, one of the attackers ran out and into a rider and swung at the kid with a knife.  No provocation, no fight. He just simply struck and killed a 15year old bike rider.

Another day in London town.  Far as I know they haven’t caught anyone yet. But you can bet the penalty won’t be any big deal especially if the killer is young enough.
With all our wonderful advances and medicine and technology and communication between people, our world sucks.

Hey .... two killers now serving life ( whatever that means ) for murder .... have been granted permission to marry in prison.
Isn’t that sweet?
I wonder if they’ll be let out for a weekend honeymoon.

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Posted by peiper   United Kingdom  on 03/05/2015 at 11:20 AM   
Filed Under: • CrimeDaily Life •  
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calendar   Wednesday - March 04, 2015

elegant

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See More Below The Fold

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Posted by Drew458   United States  on 03/04/2015 at 12:18 PM   
Filed Under: • Eye-Candy •  
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Norway Takes Step One

Norway Deports 824 Muslims, Crime Drops At Least 30%

Norway recently made the controversial decision to deport a large amount of Muslims with ties to radical groups.

Despite all the liberals in Norway deeming this “racist”, the logical party went ahead with it and the result almost shut down every opposing voice in the government instantly. This is one of the best stories we have eve seen come from such a liberal area of the world.

Violent Crime Dropped By 30%.

Norwegian authority claims that 824 people were deported in October, for such a small country, that’s a record breaking number. The authorities attributed the change to “portfolio priorities” which have essentially made it easier to deport people back to Nigeria & Afghanistan.

A record number of people were deported by Norwegian authorities in October, said government sources.

The National Police Immigration Service Norway (Politiets Utlendingsenhet – PU) deported 824 people in October, which is a new record.

The previous record was set in September, the month prior, when 763 people were deported, reported Dagsavisen.

Oslo, Norway: “The world’s largest gang of thugs, murderers, and rapists is masquerading as a religion of peace,” says Adrian Stavig, a resident of Oslo.

Beginning this past January, the new Norwegian Prime Minister, Erna Solberg began a program which targets and deports Muslims who have ties to radical groups.

While many in America would say this is racist, it’s worked in dramatic fashion. Violent crimes are down more than 31% in Norway.

What a shocker.

Perhaps the rest of Europe and the United States could learn a lesson or two about radical Islam here. Deport the radicals, keep the moderates, and everybody wins.

Golly, I wonder what would happen to the crime stats if they deported 10,000 more? Diminishing returns, square of the radius, and all that ... have to take it up an order of magnitude to get to the next point on the curve.

It’s a start.


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Posted by Drew458   United States  on 03/04/2015 at 11:26 AM   
Filed Under: • CrimeNo Shit, SherlockRoPMA •  
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TNB hitting a new low

Eww.

Just eww.

Bobby Brown’s Family Using Bobbi Kristina Tragedy For Reality Show

http://www.thesuperficial.com/bobby-brown-family-reality-show-bobbi-kristina-hospital-03-2015

http://www.tmz.com/2015/03/03/bobby-brown-reality-show-bobbi-kristina-family-tv/

From what little I’ve read, there was no reality show, or even a concept for one being floated about, prior to the young woman being found mostly dead in a bathtub on January 31st.

So this is all manufactured dramas using a semi-corpse as a prop, even if the prop is never on camera. Will they pull the plug, or won’t they? Or when??? Stay tuned! Money grubbing of the basest order.

What’s next, fist fights on the streets of Ferguson over who gets the money from the sale of the “My second cousin drowned herself in the tub, and all I got was a lousy reality TV show” T-shirts? Gross. Reprehensible. How low can you go?


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Posted by Drew458   United States  on 03/04/2015 at 09:58 AM   
Filed Under: • CULTURE IN DECLINEHollywood •  
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knock it off already

THOR set to hammer North East

“1-2 punch coming up here”

The eastern half of the U.S. braced for yet another round of punishing winter weather Tuesday, with snow and freezing temperatures already hitting the northeast. Right behind it was a wave of heavy snowfall, freezing rain and potentially record-setting low temperatures that was poised to hammer a swath stretching from east Texas to the Mid-Atlantic region later this week.

“It’s kind of a 1-2 punch coming up here,” Michael Musher, a National Weather Service meteorologist, told FoxNews.com on Tuesday.

Round 1 was already in effect late Tuesday in New York and Boston, where up to four inches of snow, sleet and freezing rain were expected overnight in what is already a record-setting winter for the white stuff in Beantown.

But the main event was poised to strike the Midwest beginning Wednesday morning, when freezing rain was expected to descend on the southern plain states. As temperatures transform rain into snow throughout the day, parts of the region, including Louisville, Ky., Cincinnati, Charleston, W.V. and Pittsburgh could see six to 12 inches, Musher said. Meanwhile, a corridor stretching from Washington, D.C. and Baltimore up to New York City could get another six inches by the time the event pushes out on Thursday.

The latest round of winter misery is especially disheartening for Bostonians, who have already suffered under what is officially the snowiest winter on record. Musher said 99.4 inches had already fallen in December, January and February, shattering the previous record of 81.5 inches set in the winter of 1993-94, and 104.1 inches have fallen in the region beginning in late 2014.

Organizers of Boston’s annual St. Patrick’s Day Parade say the event will go on as planned March 15, despite the eight-and-a-half feet of snow that has fallen on the city this winter — but they are asking for help in clearing the route.

Like heck. We had punch 1 on Sunday, dropping almost half a foot of white. Punch 2 came yesterday, laying down another 3 inches. Punch 3 might be more of a jab; it’s a blissful 38°F outside and wet slop is slopping down from the sky. Then Punch 4; the real storm shows up tonight and stays for at least a day, delivering another load. 2 inches? 3? 6? 8? Who the hell knows at this point?



A bunch of relatives just got back from a nice long cruise on a private catamaran in the US Virgin Islands. Perfect weather every day; they spent at least a week wearing just swimsuits and sunglasses. And sent us a link to hundreds of happy sunny pictures, of warm waters, sunny skies, and soft tropical breezes. I hate them.  sick

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Another terrible winter day in the US Virgin Islands


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Posted by Drew458   United States  on 03/04/2015 at 09:11 AM   
Filed Under: • Climate-Weather •  
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A knight To Re-member

BYOSAH

(bring your own sword and horse)



The Knights Templar is looking for a few good men. Or women. Join up now. You get a nifty magazine, a lapel pin, and a necklace.

They didn’t say anything about signing up for any Crusades, or setting up some kind of mercantile business in Antioch. But hey, you never know.

$59.95 a year. A deal, even at half that price!

Affiliate membership application at this link.

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this patch actually has nothing to do with the Knights Templar International organization, but it looks great


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Posted by Drew458   United States  on 03/04/2015 at 08:54 AM   
Filed Under: • Fun-StuffWar On Terror •  
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calendar   Tuesday - March 03, 2015

Google Knows The TRUTH!

This is wonderful.

In a age of incredible deceit, Google wants to make sure that you can only get the truth.

They’re modifying their search engine to down grade sites that Google says are inaccurate and upgrade sites that are true.  Honest.

OK now, who defines “truth”?  Google I guess, so that those of us who are so clueless that we can’t research our own information will know Google’s truth.

Ain’t it grand?  George Orwell, see, you were worried about nothing.  Big Brother will make sure we can only find the truth.  Google, like Big Brother only wants the best for us.  They want to be sure that we can’t find information that is false.


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2975796/Google-rank-search-results-based-accuracy-web-pages.html

SARC=OFF

This is one of the most disgusting and frightening developments I can imagine on the internet.  One master dictating the TRUTH for everyone.

fuckyou  dickhead

machinegun  big_us_flag  uzi

We must defend our country.  Stop the children of Josef Goebbels.


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Posted by Dr. Jeff   United States  on 03/03/2015 at 04:12 AM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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calendar   Monday - March 02, 2015

ain’t she sweet?

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See More Below The Fold

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Posted by peiper   United Kingdom  on 03/02/2015 at 10:12 AM   
Filed Under: • Eye-Candy •  
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Oh not again

UPDATE I fixed it, I fixed it, and now I wanna biscuit.

Pull the panel cover off the breaker box, check the terminals on the heater breakers. 240 across #1. 240 across #2. 0 across #3. Huh? Check each pole on that one. 120 to common on the lower one. 0 to common on the upper one. Say what? Flip the damn toggle switch a couple times. Measure again. 240 across both terminals, 120 to common on each side. Go check the heater. It’s getting warm! Eff this merde. Close it up, leave it alone. Make note to self to buy a new breaker once it gets warmer, or if this one goes kaput again.

Son. Of. A. Bunny. Dirty breakers. &!#$. *&#!!}#!!. And &@^%:[%!! for good measure.

But I now have heat in the living room again. Good. Enough. Avert eyes, whistle a happy tune, walk away.

How much you wanna bet that there’s nothing wrong with the “dead” heater that was in the bedroom?

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I think this condo was assembled in Nigeria, and then shipped over here. That would explain a lot of things. The plumbing, the wiring, the wallboard, the flooring. And that’s just to start.

Great, I got the heat going in the second bedroom. I am thrilled.  I carted the old unit out to the garage to await electronics recycling.

Miracle of miracles, after installing a new breaker, carefully cleaning the wire ends with some deOxit and tightening them down good and proper ... now the heater in the den is working just fine. Go figure.



And, of course, around we go once again ... now the main heater in the living room, a double unit 3500w job that keeps the whole condo warm, has stopped working. What the fudge??

Crivens. Time to get the meter back out. And hope it’s just another wobbly breaker.

I’m beginning to think that electric circuit breakers are quite a lot like water valves. If you turn them on and off all the time, they last forever. But if they get turned on, and stay that way for 20 years or so, they’ll fall apart once they’ve finally been toggled off and on a couple of times. Like that water valve that worked great for ages until you turned it, and now it drips forever.

Dagnabbit, it’s cold in here.


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Posted by Drew458   United States  on 03/02/2015 at 09:28 AM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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calendar   Sunday - March 01, 2015

hallelujah

There is heat. Finally.

Hallelujah.

And I ain’t even dead. Heck, not even wounded.

Granted, it took 40 times longer than it should have, and set me back replacement parts it shouldn’t have ... like a brand new 20 amp dual pole breaker and a replacement single pole high current thermostat ... because the damn instructions were wrong.

Seriously. I’m not trying to cover up my own stupid. I’ve got more than enough of that to spread around. I can read a basic circuit diagram. But apparently I can’t trace a wire drawing and think; I just follow instructions. Whose fault is that? My bad.

The instructions were bad news. Instead of showing a photograph of the unit with arrows identifying this wire and that, or even a drawing of the thing and the wires therein, it shows an electrical circuit diagram. And shows two wire nuts. “Replace the wire nut and attach the power leads separately”, or something similar, instructions poorly translated from some heathen foreign lingo. But it still doesn’t show you where to hook up the wires.  So, I take one wire nut off, attach the white lead, put the nut back on. Take the other wire nut off, which was a battle, because some idiot used a crimp nut instead of a spin on nut. What a pain to get that off, but I managed. Now attach the black lead, put an actual wire nut back on. I have bags of them around. Turn on the power. POP! And the breaker trips. WTF? So I take everything apart, check this, check that, put it all back together again ... POP! Grrr. So I do it yet again, throw the breaker on with a stern thumb, and FRRRZZAAAP ... nice big spark, and the whole house is eerily quiet and dark. Popped the main breaker. Which is outside, 2 units over, in the electrical cabinet with everyone’s meters. Trot outside, find it, flip it. Fine. And around we went. Time after time. It was very frustrating and left me feeling really stupid. I’m good at household wiring. I wired up an entire house. I can do this. Why does it keep screwing up??

Finally, I’m rereading the instructions, in the french part, and deep in the back there’s another diagram that shows you how to hook up the juice when you’ve got two heaters next to each other on the same line. And this diagram shows where the power leads go. So I kind of stare at it, then I cover the second heater drawing with my hand, and trace the circuit around and around ... and damnation. The first diagram, the one I followed, has me hooking up power at both ends of a plain piece of wire. No load. This is what’s called a short, ladies and gentlemen. Son ov a gun. Fine. fine. super. Let’s do it the right way, m’kay? One wire “separately” to each of the wires held together under the one wire nut. In other words, split the connection and apply a power lead to each side, and carefully use a wire nut on each of the two new connections.  There. How hard was it to say that? I could even draw you a picture.

So I did. Hooked it all up just right. And turned on the breaker. And nothing happened. WTF. Get out the meter ... I have 24 volts on the wires coming out of the wall. Not 240. 24. Whhhaaaaattt???

Unscrew the thermostat, check it’s leads. 24 volts. Unscrew the panel cover, check the breaker. 120 volts on this one to common. And on the other side ... nothing. Nothing? Nope, zero. Damn. I fried the thing. Ok. Rightee-o. Let’s check the thermostat. Hmm, flows current in the on position. Good. Turn the knob down to zero ... flows current in the off position too. Shit. Looks like I fried the thermi too. Well, I’m going near a Home Depot, so I’ll get new parts. They had the breaker. They didn’t have the single pole thermostat. So when I was done with my cleaning and got home ... we’re having our raging weekend snow storm today, instead of yesterday (big snow every weekend since mid-January. This is at least the 4th or 5th time). Steal the thermostat from the bathroom. That room can live without heat for a couple days. Hook it up. Hook up the new breaker. Double check the wires. Pray quickly. Throw the switch ... and nothing blew. Phew. Thank you baby Jesus. Now let’s check the heater ... and it’s getting warm. Happy dance! Woo hoo, who’s your daddy?? Yeah baby!!

Granted, I still have to screw the unit to the wall. And I have to properly run the wires through the knockout hole in the back. And I guess it’s going to smell like new electronics getting hot for the first time for a few days. Small potatoes. I have heat in the bedroom again, so I’m camping happy.

Time for lunch, a shower, and maybe a nice warm nap.

There is heat. Finally.

And now I’m going “Hey that’s right, one of the reviewers said the instructions were messed up. I guess they were right!” And I found a slightly updated digital version of them online, which says “leave the crimp nut alone” but STILL doesn’t show how the power lines get attached. Duh.

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What they said


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What they meant


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Posted by Drew458   United States  on 03/01/2015 at 02:48 PM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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sunday morning grin and a gift for rich below the fold

image Rich K

Just too funny to leave on the comment page.

So, last Friday night, after eating way too much bacon and way too many chocolate chip cookies, and washing it all down with more Valu-Rite than is good for me, I passed out in a drunken stupor fell asleep in front of my computer while I was reading Graeme Wood’s excellent article on what ISIS really wants that has been referenced in a number of earlier threads here. Particularly the part where he describes how the seemingly insigificant (to us) city of Dabiq in Syria in reality looms very large in the apocalyptic imaginations of the ISIS theoriticians and I remember thinking how odd this is, and then as I teetered back and forth in a dream-like state between consciousness and unconsciousness, I heard that the 2016 elections were over and Scott Walker had won a great victory.

And at his first press conference, some reporter asked him about ISIS. “Bunch of pussies” President Walker replied, a look of supreme contempt on his face. “They may think they’re all tough and shit when beheading teenaged boys or setting women on fire, but put any of those flaccid cowards up against a U.S. Marine and they’ll lift up their skirts and go crying back to mama, guaranteed.”

Another reporter asked Walker if such a statement is exactly what ISIS wants, and that it would play into their hands. The President’s look of contempt turned to disgust. “Play? They won’t be able to play anything after I’m through with them, because they’ll be dead. I’m calling every one of those delicate petunias out - on Easter Sunday, units of the Unites States Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines will converge on the plains of Dabiq (that’s in Syria for all of you journos who didn’t bother to learn geography), where we’ll be opening an extra large can of whoop-ass on their sorry jihadi butts. Although I hate to waste all that firepower. ISIS is such a pathetic bunch of nancy-boys, we could probably take them out with a couple 6-year-old tomboys with BB guns.”

Shortly thereafter, the “#TrueFactsAboutISIS” hashtag started showing up on Twitter (and an unproved rumor was that this had been masterminded by Vice-President Jindal) with tweets (helpfully translated into Arabic) such as

“Did You Know that most ISIS brides are extremely disappointed by their husbands’ tiny penises?”

“According to scientific research, 75% of all ISIS fighters prefer catching, if you know what we mean (wink)”

“After a hard day of bullying wives and terrifying goats, the men of ISIS like to relax in women’s underwear”

Also Secretary of State John Bolton started the “#SeeYouInDabiq” hashtag that consisted of photographs of the men and equipment the United Stares military was assembling, and a countdown to Easter Sunday.

Whipped up into a frothing red rage, ISIS forces started massing in Dabiq. On all of the social media outlets, ISIS called out to all of its followers, announcing that the apocalypse was immanent, and that the armies of “Rome” would soon be vanquished. More than 12,000 fighters moved out into the fields outside Dabiq on Easter Sunday and waited. At precisely 12 noon local time, the battlefield was rocked by one massive explosion, followed by a second, that completely obliterated the ISIS army - except for a few staggering outliers who looked like Wile E. Coyote after an Acme Jet-Pak failure.

Nobody knew what caused the explosions, although there were rumors of a stealth bomber flying over the battlefield, too high to be seen, that released two precision-guided tactical battlefield nukes.

But the American forces were nowhere present.

When asked to explain the absence of American military in Dabiq, White House Press Secretary Ann Coulter smacked her forehead and said, “Wait a minute, did you say Dabiq? We thought it was Dubuque. Oh, crap, we sent an entire carrier group to Iowa, and it’s been sitting there waiting the whole time. Whoops, sorry. Our bad.”

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Posted by peiper   United Kingdom  on 03/01/2015 at 04:23 AM   
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Oh, and here's some kind of visitor flag counter thingy. Hey, all the cool blogs have one, so I should too. The Visitors Online thingy up at the top doesn't count anything, but it looks neat. It had better, since I paid actual money for it.
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