Thursday - November 24, 2005

We Will Rock You

Posted by The Skipper     on 11/24/2005 at 04:52 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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   Wednesday - November 23, 2005

Gone In Twelve Minutes

By golly, there’s one thing we Americans can do better than anyone else in the world ... stuff our faces. MMmmpphh-uummmppphhhh ....

Turkey Gobbled Up In 12 Minutes
Woman crowned gobbling champion
NEW YORK (Reuters)

A day before millions of Americans sit down to eat traditional Thanksgiving dinners, a Virginia woman grabbed the world turkey-eating title on Wednesday by gobbling down a whole roast bird in 12 minutes.

Sonya Thomas, 37 (far left in picture), who weighs just 105 pounds (47.5 kg), beat seven men in the annual Thanksgiving Invitational: a race to eat a 10-pound (4.5-kg) turkey. The smallest in the field, Thomas put her victory down to “swallowing fast.”

“It was very dry and the skin was very dry,” said Thomas, holding her trophy, a roasting pan, over her head. “I just tried to eat fast.” Venerated in competitive eating circles as “The Black Widow”, the Alexandria, Virginia woman said she trained for the event, held at a delicatessen in New York, by chewing gum to get her jaw in top form.

She said she plans to eat turkey again on Thursday, but much more slowly so that she can taste every bite. Her victory was no surprise. She is ranked as the No. 2 competitive eater in the world, behind Japan’s Takeru Kobayashi, according to the International Federation of Competitive Eating, which sponsored the turkey-eating event.

Thomas, who collected $2,500 in prize money, has also dominated her opponents in egg, cheesecake, baked bean, crab-cake, meatball, and fruit-cake eating contests.

Posted by The Skipper     on 11/23/2005 at 10:18 PM   
Filed Under: • Fine-Dining •  
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Rest In Peace

Friends, poodles, countrydogs ... lend me your ears. I come here today to bury the ugliest f**king dog that ever lived - not to praise him. Sam was a good dog. He was the perfect guard dog since no burglar could bear to look at him for more than a few seconds. We will miss his ugly face but we know that in the end .... even ugly dogs go to heaven. Sic transit canum mundi ....

Sam (1990-2005)
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. (AP)

Sam, the tiny dog whose hairless body and crooked teeth earned him a reputation as the World’s Ugliest Dog, has died. The pooch died Friday, just short of his 15th birthday, his owner said. “I don’t think there’ll ever be another Sam,” Susie Lockheed said, adding: “Some people would think that’s a good thing.”

Sam won the ugliest dog contest at the Sonoma-Marin Fair this summer for the third year in a row. The pedigreed Chinese crested had made appearances on TV in Japan, radio in New Zealand and in Britain’s Daily Mirror tabloid. He also had met Donald Trump on a talk show set.

Lockheed said she initially was terrified of Sam when she agreed to take him in as a rescue dog six years ago on a 48-hour trial basis. Although she fell in love with him, his appearance repulsed her then-boyfriend and prompted the man to break up with her.

Later, however, Sam became a matchmaker by bringing together Lockheed and her current beau, who saw a picture of the two on an online dating site. Lockheed said she had Sam euthanized after she learned Sam’s heart was failing. She said she’s felt a little lost ever since, and is sleeping with Sam’s favorite toy—a stuffed bear he picked up and carried home.

Posted by The Skipper     on 11/23/2005 at 11:53 AM   
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Clueless Liberal Media

Anyone who wants an example of Liberal bulls**t need look no further than the mainstream media here in America - but for a living, breathing example of a clueless, maniacal Leftist you can’t beat Chris Matthews, host of CNBC’s “Hardball” (although a good beating might help). He is the poster child for Leftist arrogance and separation from reality. According to Matthews below, we should bring Osama Bin Laden in for a group hug instead of just getting rid of him.

The man is a menace and an insult to intelligence. His arrogant, bombastic interviewing techniques, where he constantly interrupts his interviewees, has earned him a reputation as an arrogant bully. The speech he gave this week in Toronto is typical. The man does not have a different perspective. He is just plain evil ....

Hatred Blinds U.S. To Truth: Journalist
TORONTO (SUN)

Four years after 9/11 and the “crazy zeitgeist” that permeated the United States, most Americans have still not learned to know their enemies instead of just hating them, U.S. political journalist Chris Matthews says.

In a speech to political science students at the University of Toronto yesterday, the host of the CNBC current affairs show Hardball had plenty of harsh words for U.S. President George W. Bush, as well as the political climate that has characterized his country for the past few years.

“The period between 9/11 and Iraq was not a good time for America. There wasn’t a robust discussion of what we were doing,” Matthews said. “If we stop trying to figure out the other side, we’ve given up. The person on the other side is not evil—they just have a different perspective.”

He said Bush squandered an opportunity to unite the world against terrorism and instead made decisions that have built up worldwide animosity against his administration.

Posted by The Skipper     on 11/23/2005 at 06:46 AM   
Filed Under: • Democrats-Liberals-Moonbat Leftists • Media-Bias •  
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Hot For Teacher, Part LIX

OH, COME ON! You didn’t really think we’d let you get away for the holiday without at least one last parting shot at our favorite teacher did you? The sultry wench pleaded guilty and started working on her insanity plea. The young stud who was “abused” by aforementioned teacher is surprised to learn that his mother thinks he is scarred for life. Yeah, right. The kid is now what we refer to as a “made man”. And before you all jump all over me and scream about “what if this had been a male teacher and a young girl”, bear in mind that I don’t make the rules for our goobered up society, I just report on ‘em.

Oddly enough, she won’t be able to make money on a book or movie deal but here’s the catch .... this “hardened criminal” will never need to buy another drink in her life. All she has to do is walk into any neighborhood bar and proclaim loudly, “I’m a sexual predator.” The stampede will begin within seconds. Are we men a bunch of sexist pigs or what? In a related question, if she is unemployed how is she paying her attorney? He looks awfully tired in the picture below. I wonder ...

Florida Teacher Pleads Guilty in Sex Case
TAMPA, Fla. (AP)

A female teacher pleaded guilty Tuesday to having sex with a 14-year-old student, avoiding prison as part of a plea agreement. Debra Lafave, 25, whose sensational case made tabloid headlines, will serve three years of house arrest and seven years’ probation. She pleaded guilty to two counts of lewd and lascivious battery.

The former Greco Middle School reading teacher apologized during the hearing, saying “I accept full responsibility for my actions.” The boy told investigators the two had sex in a classroom at the school, located in Temple Terrace near Tampa, in her Riverview town house and once in a vehicle while his 15-year-old cousin drove them around Marion County.

The boy told investigators Lafave told him her marriage was in trouble and that she was aroused by the fact that having sex with him was not allowed. He said he and Lafave, a newlywed at the time, got to know each other on their way back from a class trip to SeaWorld Orlando in May 2004. If convicted at trial in Hillsborough County, she could have faced up to 15 years in prison on each count.

The plea agreement also was designed to resolve similar charges in Marion County, where Lafave was scheduled to appear in court Dec. 8. But prosecutor Ric Ridgeway said his office wants to speak with the boy’s family first. Hillsborough Circuit Judge Wayne Timmerman said LaFave also will forever lose her teaching certificate, must register with the state as a sexual predator, may not have any contact with children including the victim, and will not be allowed to profit from the sale of her story or personal appearances.

The victim’s mother said afterward that the public scrutiny had taken its toll on the family, and they just wanted to see it all end. “If we had continued along this path, this would have followed him forever,” said the mother, whose name was being withheld to protect her son’s identity. “My prayer is that he can leave this behind him and go on and be a happy, healthy young man.”

After Tuesday’s hearing, Lafave’s attorney, John Fitzgibbons, said the plea was “a fair resolution of this case.” Asked how she felt afterward, Lafave said “tired.” Fitzgibbons said in July that plea negotiations had broken off because prosecutors insisted on prison time, which he said would be too dangerous for someone as attractive as Lafave. He said then that she planned to plead insanity at trial, claiming emotional stress kept her from knowing right from wrong.

Posted by The Skipper     on 11/23/2005 at 03:13 AM   
Filed Under: • Crime • Education •  
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Raise Your Hand

_{Steve Kelley, The New Orleans Times-Picayune}

Posted by The Skipper     on 11/23/2005 at 02:52 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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   Tuesday - November 22, 2005

Gobble-Gobble

I present the following as a public service. This Thursday is Thanksgiving day in America. A day in which we give thanks to whatever deity you worship for all the good things you currently enjoy in this life. If you don’t believe in a deity then just thank the forces of Chaos. Either way, pause and reflect on your life. Look around you at your family and all the wonderful friends you have.

I want to take this opportunity to thank all of my wonderful friends here at the Barking Moonbat Early Warning System. You’re a great bunch of people. Even the trolls who come here provide hours of amusement. There are men and women here from all walks of life and our readers (some of whom prefer to just lurk in silence - which is perfectly OK) cover the gamut of human experience.

We have readers in every country in the world (over 70,000 each month). I like to think that’s because in spite of the ignorant, stupid people we showcase and talk about there, there are still an awful lot of people out there who possess common sense, decency and valid morals. Here’s my best wishes to all of you in this season of Thanksgiving ....

Golden Brown Turkey

12 to 15-lb Turkey
½ cup butter or margarine, melted
½ cup butter or margarine
1 cup finely chopped onion
3 cups finely chopped celery
¾ cup finely chopped parsley
1 tablespoon salt
1 tablespoon poultry seasoning
1 teaspoon paprika
½ teaspoon pepper
1 egg, slightly beaten
12 cups fine fresh white-bread crumbs

Preheat oven to 325°F. Remove giblets from turkey; set aside for gravy. Wash and dry turkey very well inside and out.

Make old-fashioned Dressing:
1- Melt 1/2 cup butter in skillet over low heat.
2- Add onion and celery: sauté until golden, about 5 minutes.
3- Toss lightly with rest of dressing ingredients in large bowl just until well mixed.

Spoon dressing into neck cavity. Bring skin of neck over back: fasten with poultry pin.

Spoon dressing into body cavity. Do not pack. Bake any leftover dressing in covered casserole.

Insert about 5 poultry pins, at regular intervals, to draw body opening together.

With long piece of twine, lace cavity closed, boot lace fashion; tie with knot.

Bend wing tips under body or fasten wings to body with poultry pins. With twine, tie ends of legs together.

Brush turkey all over with some of melted butter.

Insert meat thermometer in inside of thigh at thickest part. Turn, breast side down, on rack in shallow roasting pan.

Roast, uncovered, 2 hours. Turn breast side up.

Saturate cheesecloth square with rest of melted butter; place over turkey breast.
(Or brush turkey with rest of butter; cover breast loosely with square of foil.)

Roast 2 to 2-1/2 hours longer.

As cheesecloth dries out, moisten with pan drippings. (Or brush turkey with drippings.)

Turkey is done when meat thermometer registers 185 to 190°F; leg joint should move freely when twisted, and fleshy part of drumstick should feel soft.

Place turkey on heated platter; remove cheesecloth or foil, twine, and poultry pins. Let stand 20 to 30 minutes.

Meanwhile, make Giblet Gravy.

Makes 15 or 16 servings; about 12 cups dressing.

Posted by The Skipper     on 11/22/2005 at 06:36 PM   
Filed Under: • Fine-Dining • Personal •  
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Out Of Order

Open Forum: insert your favorite lawyer jokes in the comments. The first one who comes up with an original (and funny) lawyer joke wins an all-expense-paid vacation to Tahiti for fourteen days and nights, free meals and lodging, free rental yacht, nightly “escort service” and massage sessions with Olga the Swedish Wonder Woman, plus a new BMW and $1 million in cash **....

_{[** No purchase necessary, void where prohibited by law, some restrictions and blackout dates may apply - Click here for contest rules]}

Posted by The Skipper     on 11/22/2005 at 05:04 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor • Judges-Courts-Lawyers • Satire •  
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The Nanny

_{Mike Lester, Rome News-Tribune, Rome, GA}

Posted by The Skipper     on 11/22/2005 at 04:59 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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Psycho III

Seven years in prison? This splodeydope needs to be in a funny farm for life. Mark my words, as soon as he gets out he’ll be opening a motel on a remote highway and beautiful blondes (played by Janet Leigh in the eventual movie) will be slashed and gashed. Even worse, before you know it Hollywood will make a really bad sequel .... starring Ben Affleck ....

Man Who Kept Dead Mom in Freezer Sentenced
LA CROSSE, Wis. (AP)

A recluse who kept his dead mother in his freezer and shot at his neighbors when they came to his door was sentenced to seven years in prison Monday. Philip Schuth, 53, was sentenced for attempted homicide, reckless endangerment and concealment of a corpse.

Schuth told investigators that his mother died of natural causes in 2000, and an autopsy confirmed that. Schuth, who never had held a real job, said he hid her death because he was afraid authorities would blame him and because he wanted to keep collecting her Social Security checks.

He was arrested in April after an all-night standoff with police at his house on French Island, which lies in the Mississippi River just outside La Crosse. The standoff began when Schuth shot at a couple and their 10-year-old son after they confronted him over whether he had hit the boy.

During negotiations with police, Schuth said he had his dead mother in a freezer in the basement. Officers found her encased in a block of ice.

“Obviously it’s a very serious crime. On the other hand, he had some unique issues in his upbringing that contributed to it which are probably treatable,” District Attorney Scott Horne said, referring to Schuth’s isolated childhood and hermit-like existence as an adult. “We all learned how to deal with minor conflicts because we’re taught and brought up to do that. He wasn’t.”

Schuth has said he fantasized about being married to “Alias” star Jennifer Garner. At his sentencing, he said: “I apologize to Jennifer Garner and her pool boy Ben Affleck for involving them in my fantasies.”

Posted by The Skipper     on 11/22/2005 at 02:38 AM   
Filed Under: • Crime • Odd-Strange •  
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Subliminal Propaganda On CNN?

DRUDGE is reporting that CNN is possibly using subliminal messages by flashing a large “X” over Vice President Dick Cheney’s face during a speech yesterday. The conspiracy theorists are all over it ... with good reason. The Communist News Network is well known for its blatant Leftist bias. However, one of the wizards of the blogosphere (The Dan Report blog) managed to dig a little deeper into this and extracted a text message from the screenshots. It appears to be just a technical marker. Who knows? We report, you decide ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 11/22/2005 at 01:45 AM   
Filed Under: • Media-Bias •  
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   Monday - November 21, 2005

Automakers: Counterpoint

In an earlier post below ("GM: Shut ‘Em Down"), we looked at GM’s decision to layoff 30,000 workers and shutdown nine plants. We discussed the reasons why GM is in this bind. Now we turn to the other side of the equation (we always try to be fair and mentally unbalanced here at BMEWS) as we examine GM’s largest parts supplier, Delphi, and what’s going on there. For starters, Delphi plans to layoff 24,000 over the next three years and reduce average wages from $27 per hour to $9 per hour .... while giving CEO Steve Miller a $3.7 million signing bonus a few months ago and paying out $90 million to 486 senior managers as a reward for “steering the company through bankruptcy”. It’s starting to look like there’s a lot of greed on both sides of this equation. Lucky for us it’s not a quadratic ....

GM parts supplier Delphi plans to axe 24,000 jobs:
Reduce hourly wage from $27 to $9;
Pay managers bonuses worth $90m
(FINFACTS)

Former General Motors parts unit Delphi, which is in bankruptcy protection, has said that it will close all its US plants unless trade unions agree to wage cuts to rescue America’s largest auto parts-maker. Delphi CEO Steve Miller, who received a signing-on hello bonus of $3.7 million last summer, said that he hasn’t received union counteroffers to his proposal, which includes reducing wage levels from an average $27 per hour to as low as $9 and slashing up to 24,000 jobs over a three-year period. Motor union UAW President Ron Gettelfinger called Delphi’s offer an “insult.”

“We are going to try and save as many jobs as we can, but at the current wage rates, we would have to close down all of our US plants,” Miller said. Delphi will pay an average US wage of $26.97 an hour in 2005. Delphi was spun off from General Motors in 1999 and a strike could cripple both the parts maker and its largest customer GM.

Last Wednesday, loss-making General Motors’ stock fell to a 14-year low - it fell 6 percent to $21.29, its lowest level since 1991 and embattled chief executive Rick Wagoner was compelled to issue a statement to employees that the company has “absolutely no plan, strategy or intention” to file for bankruptcy. Despite the firmness of the intentions, there is a Custer’s Last Stand feeling about the strugggle of the onetime icon of industrial America, to pull the fat from the fire.

Delphi filed for court protection in October after Miller failed to win concessions from unions and financial help from former parent General Motors. Miller has said he will ask the bankruptcy court to let the company impose terms if unions don’t agree to pay and benefit reductions by December 16th. The UAW, along with Delphi’s other trade unions, said its primary focus in coming weeks will be to expose and challenge generous executive compensation packages Delphi is proposing for senior management.

Delphi plans to pay almost $90 million in bonuses for 486 top managers as a fair reward if the company emerges from bankruptcy. It also said a recently improved severance program is necessary to keep 21 key officers from leaving.

Money, get away. 
Get a good job with good pay and you’re okay.
Money, it’s a gas.
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash.
New car, caviar, four star daydream,
Think I’ll buy me a football team.

Money, get back. 
I’m all right jack keep your hands off of my stack.
Money, it’s a hit.
Don’t give me that do goody good bullshit.
I’m in the high-fidelity first class traveling set
And I think I need a lear jet.

Money, it’s a crime. 
Share it fairly but don’t take a slice of my pie.
Money, so they say
Is the root of all evil today.
But if you ask for a raise it’s no surprise that they’re
Giving none away.

Posted by The Skipper     on 11/21/2005 at 01:56 PM   
Filed Under: • Economics • Unions-Labor •  
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Horrors!

I have only two words to describe the absolute horror of the following story .... FRENCH ... RAPPERS .....

French Rappers Provide Social Commentary
PARIS (AP)

The beat is infectious, the music sensual. But the words are acid, a rapped cry of wounded pride from the heart of France’s ghettos. “Whatever I do, in France’s mind I will always be just a kid from the projects,” raps Disiz La Peste on his new album. “I know that I fascinate people, because where I come from, succeeding is not easy, and I still bear the stigma of this environment, of my olive skin.”

Three weeks of riots, arson and attacks on police ripped the cover off problems that French hip-hop artists like Disiz have been rapping and raging about for years. Racism, despair, anger, drugs, crime, hostility against police—issues now thrust to the top of the national agenda by France’s worst civil unrest in four decades—have been grist for these urban social commentators for years.

In an interview, Disiz, whose real name is Serigne M’Baye, said it is too simplistic to say that French politicians now accused of having ignored the ghettos’ problems for decades need only to have listened to rap to learn that the lid was ready blow. Instead, everyone needs to examine themselves, their prejudices and their country, he says. That includes both youths from poor suburbs who are too quick to write off their own futures, telling themselves “there is no point in fighting,” and white French he says must ask themselves “Do we really accept immigrants who are French?”

“We speak in France of liberty, equality and fraternity. Liberty exists. No doubt there. Everyone can speak out. But equality and fraternity do not exist. We have to fight for them, but we have to fight together,” he told The Associated Press. Hip-hop crossed over to France from the United States in the 1980s. It quickly became a vehicle of expression for suburban youths, some of whom wove in musical and lyrical elements from their own North and West African backgrounds, and helped make France a vibrant center of hip-hop culture.

Like other French artists, rappers benefited from legislation that obliges radio stations to broadcast a certain proportion of French songs to ward off English-language dominance. As in the United States, French rappers appeal as much to white rich kids as they do to French-born children of immigrants. French pioneers included Supreme NTM (pictured at left and above). Their song “What are we waiting for” ("Qu’est-ce qu’on attend"), from the 1995 album “Paris bombed” ("Paris sous les bombes"), seems, in light of recent riots, like an early warning sign that was ignored.

“What are we waiting for to set everything aflame? What are we waiting for to no longer follow the rules of the game?” NTM rapped. “We have nothing to lose because we had nothing to start with. I wouldn’t sleep soundly if I were you. The bourgeoisie can quake, the scum are in town.”

- YO, Home-boy! Grab yo scum-bros and go read da rest! Word-up, Scum!

Posted by The Skipper     on 11/21/2005 at 12:49 PM   
Filed Under: • EUro-peons •  
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GM: Shut ‘Em Down!

Just in case you haven’t been keeping track of current events, GM is bleeding money all over the place because of a ridiculous retirement plan and health care benefits that the UAW squeezed out of the automaker over the last twenty years. So, in order to keep paying retirement and healthcare for workers who are no longer making cars, GM is being forced to close plants and layoff workers who currently are making cars.

I just typed that and I had to re-read it three times before I realized just how ridiculous it sounds. Isn’t this the same kind of plan that caused Fwance to become the useless entity that it currently is? Help me out here, folks! How does this help our economy and more importantly, how do we get out of this mess? Do we kill off the UAW or just let GM outsource more jobs overseas? What happens then? How can we afford to buy cars if we’re all unemployed? Help me make sense of this. It’s starting to look like John Galt needs to go ahead and turn off the motor of the world** ....

GM to Cut 30,000 Jobs, Close 9 Plants
DETROIT (AP)

General Motors Corp. (GM) will eliminate 30,000 jobs and close nine North American assembly, stamping and powertrain plants by 2008 as part of an effort to get production in line with demand and position the world’s biggest automaker to start making money again after absorbing nearly $4 billion in losses so far this year.

The announcement Monday by Rick Wagoner, GM’s chairman and CEO, represents 5,000 more job cuts than the 25,000 that the automaker had previously indicated it planned to cut. The 30,000 job cuts represents about 9 percent of GM’s global work force of about 325,000 people.

“The decisions we are announcing today were very difficult to reach because of their impact on our employees and the communities where we live and work,” Wagoner told employees. “But these actions are necessary for GM to get its costs in line with our major global competitors. In short, they are an essential part of our plan to return our North American operations to profitability as soon as possible.”

The plan will cut the number of vehicles GM is able to build in North America by about 1 million a year by the end of 2008. GM said the assembly plants that will close are in Oklahoma City, Lansing, Mich., Spring Hill, Tenn., Doraville, Ga., and Ontario, Canada. A shift also will be removed at a plant in Moraine, Ohio.

An engine facility in Flint, Mich., will close, along with a separate powertrain facility in Ontario and metal centers in Lansing and Pittsburgh. Wagoner said GM also will close three service and parts operations facilities. They are in Ypsilanti, Mich., and Portland, Ore. One other site will to be announced later.

GM said the plan is to achieve $7 billion in cost reductions on a running rate basis by the end of 2006 - $1 billion above its previously indicated target.

- Read more on this moto-madness here

** - “Atlas Shrugged” by Ayn Rand.

Posted by The Skipper     on 11/21/2005 at 11:12 AM   
Filed Under: • Economics • Unions-Labor •  
• Comments (23) • Trackbacks(1)  Permalink •  

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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

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It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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