Tuesday - May 03, 2005

EuroEnglish?

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the first year, “s” will be used instead of the soft “c”. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard “c” will be replaced with “k.” Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced by “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent “e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” by “z” and “W” by “V”. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou”, and similar changes vud of kors; be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil b no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

Posted by Z Woof     on 05/03/2005 at 05:46 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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Dear Sir

This post is directed at one particular individual in the Minneapolis area on Qwest’s network ....

If your computer is located at 70-56-172-230.mpls.qwest.net, you have been fingered. Qwest Communications has been notified regarding the spamming you are participating in by sending e-mails with spoofed addresses and the viruses you attached to your messages. They will be coming soon to disconnect you from the network. Operating a SMTP relay from your home is against Qwest’s rules of use and you are also violating federal digital communications laws.

BTW, all the viruses were deleted before I even saw them and Qwest was automatically notified as well as Cyveillence and SpamCop. I just happened to look at the Mailwasher log and saw your pathetic attempts.

I hope you enjoy the visit from Qwest. The FBI will be by later to talk to you about the federal laws you have violated.

Have a nice day, asshole!

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/03/2005 at 05:34 PM   
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P-Day

Via Torranto

Why Can’t They “Just Get Along”?

College administrators have been enthusiastic supporters Eve Ensler’s play The Vagina Monologues and schools across the nation celebrate “V-Day” (short for Vagina Day) every year. But when the College Republicans at Roger Williams University in Rhode Island rained on the celebrations of V-Day by inaugurating Penis Day and staging a satire called The Penis Monologues, the official reaction was horror. Two participating students, Monique Stuart and Andy Mainiero, have just received sharp letters of reprimand and have been placed on probation by the Office of Judicial Affairs. The costume of the P-Day “mascot” — a friendly looking “penis” named Testaclese, has been confiscated and is under lock and key in the office of the assistant dean of student affairs, John King.

“Testaclese”, that’s rich.

The week before V-Day, the Roger Williams campus was plastered with flyers emblazoned with slogans such as “My Vagina is Flirty” and “My Vagina is Huggable.” There was a widely publicized “orgasm workshop.” On the day of the play, the V-warriors sold lollipops in the in the shape of–-guess what? Last year, the student union was flooded with questionnaires asking unsuspecting students questions like “What does your Vagina smell like?” None of this offended the administration or elicited any reprimands, probations, or confiscations.

The campus conservatives artfully (in the college sense of “artful") mimicked the V-Day campaign. They papered the school with flyers that said, “My penis is majestic” and “My penis is hilarious.” The caption on one handout read, “My Penis is studious.” It showed Testaclese reclining on a couch reading Michael Barone’s Hard America, Soft America.

Go read the rest, then let’s find a place we can support these boys.

Posted by Drew458     on 05/03/2005 at 03:31 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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Flashback !

Steel’s stories that he has posted here and on his own blog site have entertained me greatly. So has Stan and his stories from Austin and the music stars he sees regularly. Then, a few days ago somebody mentioned here on the blog that they remembered Steppenwolf and how great the band was. Well, the Ol’ Skipper has a story for you ....

Fire up the Wayback Machine and let’s go back to November 16, 1968:

Several important forces of nature came together at the Orange Bowl stadium in Miami, FL on that date. Yours truly (that would be me, matey) was a sophomore at the University Of Alabama, majoring in Music and doing my damndest to keep my grades up to avoid having to join my father in Vietnam. Dad was an aircraft mechanic in the USAF and, at that point in time, was a Sr. M/Sgt doing his first tour in Vietnam (out of a total of three before he retired in 1971 after 30 years in the US Army Air Corps and the US Air Force).

Since I was majoring in Music, it was more or less expected of me that I march in the world famous University Of Alabama Million Dollar Band, which at that time was under the direction of Colonel Carlton K. Butler. Col. Butler was the band’s equivalent of Bear Bryant, who was in his second decade of coaching at Alabama, while Colonel Butler had been around since the Civil War (according to rumor).

Back in those days, the TV networks used to show the university bands during halftime and every university’s band director worked the band members ot death to come up with all kinds of new and flashy gimmicks, music and formations. Nowadays, all you folks get is Janet Jackson’s breast. What a come down.

Anyway, Colonel Butler had us out on the practice field until midnight or later the week before the Miami game because we had been told the game would be televised. We marched in the cold and rain until our feet hurt and half of us were sick by the time we boarded the buses Friday afternoon for the ride from Tuscaloosa to Miami. We got into Miami late that night and found ourselves in hot, muggy 80 degree heat. Needless to say almost all of us crashed out immediately. Except a few of us, including myself and a cute little brown-haired, sexy, female saxophone player. We walked all over the beaches, played in the surf and dragged back into the hotel about sunrise. Only to have to get a rude awakening about four hours later and ordered to get on the buses to head for a practice field for more drills.

The day passed in mind-numbing repetitions and Colonel Butler screaming his head off at us. He had decided that we would definitely not embaress him on national TV and would perform a halftime show that would knock everyone’s socks off. You see, Colonel Butler had a brainstorm. Not a little drizzle, or a light misting but a genuine “frog-strangler” or a “gully-washer” as they are sometimes called. Here’s the surprise he had planned. He divided the band up into four “blocks” of about 80 or 90 each. The full Million Dollar Band back in those days consisted of over 300 members - and NO MAJORETTES because Colonel Butler insisted that we were musicians and we didn’t need half-nekkid floozies to attract attention, as he put it. The University Of Alabama never did get majorettes until the late 1970’s, long after Colonel Butler retired. Anyway, I digress. Colonel Butler’s plan was to have each “block” rehearse our individual positions when we formed all the numbers from zero to nine, thereby having four “blocks” that could give any combination of numbers. The plan was for us to be given signals at halftime by Colonel Butler so that we would go out on the field and form up in formations giving the score, the time and the temperature. It was a brilliant concept but hell on the band. In addition to memorizing all or our music (Colonel Butler wouldn’t allow us to take sheet music in mounts on our instruments onto the field during any halftime show - the man was a monster, I tells ya), we also had to memorize several possible combinations of formations and not know which one we would use until right before going onstage.

Finally, around 5:00pm we were told to get suited up, clean up our instruments and get ready to rumble. Colonel Butler gave us the normal pep talk and we loaded up onto the buses and headed for the Orange Bowl. The rest, as they say, is history.

Notice the date above that all this occurred? Well, about halfway through the first quarter, a special announcement came over the stadium sound system. It seems the Alabama and Miami fans were about to be joined by .... the President-Elect. You guessed it .. Richard “Tricky DIck” Nixon. He had won the 1968 election only a week before the game (November 5, 1968) and had been resting at his Key Biscaine (sp) home. Good Ol’ Dick decided to get out and get some fresh air and enjoy a football game with us. There was a stirring from one of the tunnels above us and suddenly a large crowd of crew-cut, beefy looking men came pouring out and surrounded the new President who took a seat about 10 rows above us. Needless to say, we spent most of the game turning around and scoping out the new Prez. None of us had voted for him, although every one of us was over 18 - at that time, you had to be 21 to vote (but you could be drafted at the age of 18, which was my personal “bone of contention” with the establishment). Anyway, most of us supported Nixon because he had promised to end the war in Vietnam and the Dummycraps had made such asses out of themselves in Chicago only a few months before (that’s another story for another day).

Finally, as halftime approached we all started to get nervous. We were going to be performing for the President Of The United States. What a rush! Unfortunately, right before we got up to go on the field Colonel Butler gave us some bad news. It seems we had been asked to cut a few minutes off of our halftime show because the City Of Miami had arranged a special entertainment for the President at the halftime. So we had to cut the fancy time & temperature stuff and hustle off the field a few minutes faster than normal. Then came the big surprise ....

The stadium lights dimmed, except for a platform mounted above the end zone opposite the scoreboard where bright floodlights were shining. Everyone turned to stare and wait .... then the announcer introduced the “special entertainment” for the evening .... Steppenwolf, performing live for all the fans. Yessir, the band was up there on that little platform and immediately fired up “Born To Be Wild”. We started dancing. That was the coolest moment of my life at that point.

As I said, the rest is history. I came back from Miami and wound up in the university hospital with double pneumonia and a diagnosis of bronchial asthma that eventually kept me out of Vietnam. I married that little saxophone player the following summer and we eventually had two sons before getting divorced in 1981. Richard Nixon won re-election in 1972 and was chased out of Washington after Watergate by a dumbass bunch of Dummycraps. Colonel Butler retired in 1971. Alabama beat Miami that night 14-6 and went on to a 8-3-0 season, losing to Missouri in the Gator Bowl on New Years Day. And Steppenwolf? Well, I still have all their albums .... vinyl .... 33 1/3 .... GOD DAMN THE PUSHER MAN!

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/03/2005 at 03:22 PM   
Filed Under: • Personal •  
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Moonbat Posse II

It’s very enlightening to wander around DU every once in a while to see what the natives are up to.  This was an interesting post that might prove to be kind of fun to play with.

I’ve been putting together a CD that consists mainly of videos, and a few documents. They’re all MOV and WMV files that can be viewed on any computer. You’ve probably already seen most of them, but there are millions of people who haven’t, because of the media blockade.

Included on the CD are:

the Votergate 30 minute movie
8 minute trailer to the new Electile Dysfunction movie
Intro to Invisible ballots movie
the TV show on MSNBC with Bev and Howard Dean
Bob Fitrakis at the LA teach-in
Wayne Madsen at the Oakland Teach-in
“Illegitimate Election” by the DU folks
Video the Vote from Ohio
Jon Stewart Daily Show on e-voting

I count at least two, if not three cases of potential copyright violation.  But besides that, a “media blockade”? WTF is that?

In an attempt to get around the blockade, the CDs are going to be distributed for free. Everyone who receives a copy of the CD will be asked to make at least 3 copies and pass them on.

To kick off the project, I’m seeking “Seed planters,” people who want to help out and make more than 3 copies. Seed planters will be asked to make at least 20 copies. The cost will be minimal, as blank CDs can be had for very cheap, almost nothing. Seed planters will receive one source CD by snail mail.

This is where the fun potential is.  Does anyone have a PO box that we could use to get a copy of one of these?  It might prove entertaining to shine some light on what materials they are putting out.

Posted by Drew458     on 05/03/2005 at 01:12 PM   
Filed Under: • Democrats-Liberals-Moonbat Leftists •  
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Tuesday News Byte

Here we are on a Tuesday, heading for “hump-day” and the world just keeps on turning, eight bits at a time ....

• Greenpeace founder Bob Hunter dies of prostate cancer. Everyone feel free to eat a whale today to honor Mr. Hunter.


• Newspaper circulation declines by 1.9 percent. Publishers blame problems on fonts, thickness of paper - everything except lousy reporting.


• Congress is set to tighten guidelines & restrictions for state drivers licenses. Currently, eleven states will give a license to anyone who shows up and asks for one - surprisingly, Florida is not one of them.


• Small-breasted women absolutely must read this. Be proud, be loud be .... small.


• Rosie O’Donnell says President Bush is a “war criminal”. I say Rosie is a cheap, nonsensical, trashy, loud-mouthed, bad comedienne with a severe case of “dumbass” - so there!


• Condaleeza Rice tells North Korea to shut the f**k up and sit down .. or else. Damn, now that’s my kind of woman - you go, girl!


• A Florida judge had decreed that a 13-year-old girl may have an abortion. I think I’m going to be sick - this goes way beyond the pale.


• Elsewhere in Florida, nekkid men are running around on a rampage. What are they putting in the water down there? Is anyone sane in that state?

INVERNESS, FL - An Inverness man was arrested Saturday after breaking into his neighbors’ house and threatening them, shocking himself by sticking his fingers into a lamp socket, threatening a deputy with a metal rod, running naked through his yard and chewing through a cable in a patrol car, authorities said.

And one flew over the cuckoo’s nest .. cuck-koo .. cuck-koo ....






Posted by The Skipper     on 05/03/2005 at 10:41 AM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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You Be The Jury

Ladies & Gentlemen Of The Jury:

(try to imagine Clarence Darrow here)

I come before you today to present the case against Jennifer Wilbanks, the almost-bride with cold feet who caused the city Of Dululth, GA to spend $100k looking for her while she went on a joyride to Las Vegas, who caused untold emotional grief to her fiance, her family and her friends. You, the jury have two questions to decide ....

Should this doofus who says he still loves her and still wants to marry her actually be allowed to marry this mindless twit or should they both be sterilized and exiled to a remote island in the Pacific?

Should this looney-tunes, unbalanced, moronic twit be prosecuted for everything the police and FBI can throw at her and sentence her to twenty years of hard labor on a Georgia chain gang or should she be allowed to go free to continue to terrorize the good people of Duluth in coming years by marrying doofus above and pumping out three or four little doofuses before she suffers post-partem syndrome and drowns them all in a bathtub and once again winds up in the news?



I leave it to you, a jury of her peers. Decide wisely.





Posted by The Skipper     on 05/03/2005 at 08:36 AM   
Filed Under: • Stoopid-People •  
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Photo Du Jour

As you can tell, I am partial to nature photography (but, I am not ‘the Artiste’).  When my wife and I celebrated our 20th anniversary in 2003, we took a train trip across the Rockies from Vancouver, B.C. to Calgary, Alberta.  We then spent a week in the Banff and Lake Louise area of the Rockies.  My next few photo postings will be from that trip.  This one is one of my most favorite photos that I’ve ever taken.  It is of a lake we passed while driving on the Banff-Jasper highway.







Posted by Drew458     on 05/03/2005 at 07:45 AM   
Filed Under: • Art-Photography •  
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ByeBye Blogger-Hello Typepad

I figured out how to get Typepad to accept my e-mail and so ALT has moved.

Check out annoyinglittletwerp at: http://annoyinglittletwerp.typepad.com.

I’m still working the “bugs” out-like why my sitemeter won’t show up-but otherwise it’s miles above blogger-and the links work!





Posted by Annoying Little Twerp     on 05/03/2005 at 12:19 AM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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   Monday - May 02, 2005

Let’s play a game …

.  Allan is posting photos. I post photos. OCM posts photos.

.  I throw down the gauntlet.

.  PHOTO WARS!!!

Update From The Skipper: I also post audio. See below .... ROCK AND ROLL!






Posted by The Skipper     on 05/02/2005 at 08:44 PM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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Too Much Fun

Before the Skipper signs off for the night, I checked my e-mails (all 400 of them) and discovered my good buddy Stan, down in Austin had attended a Leon Russell concert and mentioned Commander Cody And His Lost Planet Airmen.

How could I pass this up?

If you click here, you can download (2.4 MB MP3) the aforementioned group (from the early 70’s) performing “Too Much Fun” live.

If you can’t dance to this, you need therapy ....






Posted by The Skipper     on 05/02/2005 at 08:34 PM   
Filed Under: • Music •  
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Barb’s Blog is Lookin’ for a New Home.

I finally got around to trying-operative word is TRYING-to update MY blog-Annoying Little Twerp.
I’m currently on $%&*^#$@!* BLOGSPOT.

I tried to post 3 different posts with links. NONE of the links took. My archives doesn’t show up nor do any of my “logos"_I’m a member of the “Alliance”.

I’ve had it up to HERE with Blogspot!!!
I thuoght I’d got to Typepad and get their “plus” package-except they told me that my e-mail was already in use.
They’re right. It IS in use-by me.

Well now I’m looking for advice because alt needs a new bloghost.
What I’m looking for is something along the lines of $10 a month and my own domain name-ie annoyinglittletwerp.com.

Suggestions anyone?






Posted by Annoying Little Twerp     on 05/02/2005 at 06:56 PM   
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Leon Russell is going strong at 73 Years Old

Austin beer joint update…

I saw Leon Russell at Threadgill’s last night. The beer was cold, the sky was clear and full of stars and all was right with the world, at least for a few hours. He can still rock and roll, but he needs a cane to get to the stage.

He has his two daughters singing backup vocals for him now. They must be in their 40’s. The audience was a bunch of geriatric old hippies. At then end of night, he said:

Now that was the last song. Back in the old days, I would get up and walk off stage and let you folks clap and scream for a few minutes, then I would come back and play an encore. Well we’re all too damned old for that now. I don’t want to break my hip and some of you old geezers might hyperventilate and have a stroke.

He then broke into “Delta Lady” and nailed it.

The original Threadgill’s on North Lamar in Austin, is where Janice Joplin got her start as a singer. She moved from Beaumont to Austin and then to San Francisco. The new Threadgill’s is right next to where the old Armadillo World Headquarters was. The first time I saw Leon Russell was at the old Armadillo World Headquarters in the early 1970’s. It was a wonderful hippie beer joint, in the old National Guard Armory, in downtown Austin, with no air conditioning, beer soaked carpet, $1 pitchers, 3 tacos for $1 and so much pot smoke, that you could get high by just showing up.

I saw the ghosts of old armadillos last night.



See More Below The Fold

The sign.



The stage.



Ghost armadillos in the sky.




The interior of the old Armadillo World Headquarters.



A couple of old hippies.





GET ME OUT OF HERE ...




Posted by Yellow Dog     on 05/02/2005 at 04:27 PM   
Filed Under: • Music •  
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Koffing Anus Daily Update

UN head-honcho Koffing Anus announced today that he wants to limit the spread of nuclear weapons, naming the US and Russia as the place to start. Anus didn’t mention growing threats from North Korea or Iran. I wonder how much the Mad Mullahs and Dear Leader are paying Big Anus and his son (Little Anus) to pull this crap out of their butt and get the UN to go along?



Where are the nukes? Well, let’s see ....



Note: The US is also said to have some 3,000 warheads in reserve, while Russia has about 11,000 in non-operational stockpiles Israel declines to confirm it has nuclear weapons North Korea claims it has nuclear arms but no details are available Iran is accused by the US of ambitions to build nuclear arms







Posted by The Skipper     on 05/02/2005 at 03:21 PM   
Filed Under: • United-Nations •  
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:


1. Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
2. Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
3. Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
4. Keep talking to each other, whether here or elsewhere

It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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Oh, and here's some kind of visitor flag counter thingy. Hey, all the cool blogs have one, so I should too. The Visitors Online thingy up at the top doesn't count anything, but it looks neat. It had better, since I paid actual money for it.