Sunday - January 23, 2005

FoolsBall

The Steelers stank and the Falcons folded.

Philadelphia Eagles vs New England Patriots

Who Will Take Home The Big Prize? Feb. 6 - Jacksonville

Note: Sir Paul McCartney is doing the halftime show this year and if he bares a tit, I’m giving up on football for life!

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/23/2005 at 10:28 PM   
Filed Under: • Celebrities • Sports •  
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Mister Knowitall Presents

It’s the start of a brand new week and BMEWS is proud to present a new feature for your surfing amusement. We proudly present the ....

George Washington’s home is Mount Vernon. Who is it named after and what famous alcoholic beverage, known around the world, did he invent?

The clock is ticking. You have until noon tomorrow (Monday) to come up with the answer. The winner gets a $5 gift certificate from Amazon and a certificate designating you as Official BMEWS Cub Reporter (just like Jimmy Olsen).

Go ahead, smarty-pants! Google away! Search the entire web for the answer. Prove to us you’re the best at research. We don’t think you can do it! Na-nah-na-nah-na ....

Update: We have a winner! It only took DavidHR one hour and ten minutes to track it down. I’ll withhold the answer to give the rest of you lamers a chance to see how long it takes you to ferret out the facts. 

Update II: Now, Macker tracked it down. How come everyone tells me they found it in less than ten minutes - they just took their time telling me about it. I smell a rat .... The next one will be MUCH harder. Check back next Sunday for the next round ....

Update III: OK, OK. The answer is in the comments.

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/23/2005 at 07:14 PM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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Mwah-hah-hah-hah-ha-ha-ha ….

BMEWS proudly presents this “suitable for framing” photo for your viewing pleasure. Feel free to photoshop it, add captions or whatever your little heart desires. If you photoshop it, be sure to send me a copy so I can include it in the BMEWS Photo Gallerys. (snicker)

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/23/2005 at 03:01 PM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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The Crusades, Part VII

AFP is reporting that in London Muslims have stepped up a campaign to deface or cover up what they consider offensive advertising, i.e., nekkid women.

LONDON (AFP) - British Muslim activists have stepped up a campaign to deface or rip down advertising billboards featuring scantily-clad women in communities with large numbers of Muslims, the media reported.

Sky television news reported from the English city of Birmingham that the campaign has achieved some of its goals as there were now few such billboards close to mosques.

The Advertising Standards Authority said that increasing numbers of posters were being torn down or painted over in predominantly Islamic areas, The Times newspaper reported.

A website giving advice on how to vandalize billboards and listing potential targets has been set up by a group calling themselves Muslims Against Advertising (MAAD).

MAAD, based in Birmingham, gives an index of defaced ads in the city, including Levis, Wonderbra, PaddyPower, a radio station and a strip club.

It says on its website that it believes in “direct action” and “has paint and isn’t afraid to use it… There is no longer any need to cringe as you walk past a sleazy poster, we’ll improve it.”

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/23/2005 at 01:47 PM   
Filed Under: • Eye-Candy •  
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A Natural Disaster In The Making

Five days ago the number was 31.

Four days ago the number was 28.

Three days ago the number was 27.

Two days ago the number was 25.

Yesterday the number was 23.

Today the number is 19.

That’s the low temperature we are expecting here in Hernando County tonight.

So, given that such low temperatures will be hitting here and given the fact that these extreme temperatures are prejudicial to the life and well being of plant and animal life, I am going to write to Governor Bush to declare this county a “Disaster Area.” Maybe get some money from the government.  Hey, they’ve got lots of it.

Turf will die.  Flowers will die.  Shrubs will die.  Some animals will die.  Birds will fall from the sky---dead and already frozen ready for that kid I mentioned earlier to skin and cook up.

Millions of dollars will be lost.

Hmmmmm, then again, millions will be spent buying new stuff to replace the dead stuff. Lawn guys will make a killing re-building bad turf areas.  Pest control guys will get rich treating peoples’ homes for all the bugs that sought refuge from the cold in their pantries.  Nurseries will rake in money hand over fist for replacement plants.  Wal-Mart will make a shit load from people buying plastics and other frost coverings.  The electric company will “glow” with profits from people running auxiliary electric heaters to warm up their homes and keep their plants warm.

The economy will BOOM!!

Who says Mother Nature is a bitch?  She’s a capitalist tool of that evil Bushitler!!

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 01/23/2005 at 08:57 AM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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Voter Suffering From P.E.S.T. Found Near Death In France

Since this guy was suffering from depression I could only surmise he’s a blue stater on vacation in France.  I believe he’s using an alias.  His real name is John Kerry (which is why the press was trying to make us believe he was out of the country visiting other nations.)

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 01/23/2005 at 07:14 AM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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Are You Surprised This Happened In A Red State?

I am not.

Click and read. There is hope for our kids yet.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 01/23/2005 at 07:13 AM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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I Found the Solution To The Social Security Shortfall

Buy senior citizens big-ass Harleys and Goldwings.

Well, hell, according to this article they’re killing themselves on those big bikes so the more that die the fewer that collect therefore more money in social security for the weaklings who can’t take care of their own lives.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 01/23/2005 at 07:12 AM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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Give Him Credit For Resourcefulness

I laughed my ass off imagining how the panty-waisted animal lovers would shit kittens when they read this.  In order to keep from losing it, I had to copy it in its entirety in case Drudge decides to overwrite the page.

So here it is.

Let’s hear it for teenagers that know how to kill, dress, and cook their catches.

Pet store animals cooked in school

A Guinea pig and rabbit purchased from a Geauga County pet store ended up on plates at a Cleveland area high school.

A 16-year-old student skinned and cooked the animals during a living skills class on Wednesday, prompting student and parent complaints to the Thompson Township Police Department and Geauga Humane Society. Officials at both agencies said they are investigating.

Friday editions of the CLEVELAND PLAIN DEALER detail how the incident may warrant animal cruelty charges.

Geauga Humane Officer Sarah Westman said it’s illegal to needlessly kill “companion animals” raised for domestic purposes.

“Something irrational and wrong happened,” Westman explained.

Ledgemont Principal Beto Gage acknowledged that “misjudgments” took place but said the boy’s actions are far from criminal.

The student - whose name was not released - described what he did in terms of harvesting meat to fix a dish for classmates, Gage said.

The principal described the boy as an active hunter. The Ledgemont district covers the rural communities of Montville and Thompson townships, where killing - and then eating - wild game is fairly common.

The hunt, however, usually doesn’t take place at Pet Supplies Plus.

The boy went to the Chardon store and purchased the Guinea pig and rabbit after coming up empty in the great outdoors.

“My skin’s crawling over this,” said Linda Schempp, a spokeswoman for the pet store chain. “We sell our animals to be family pets - not food.”

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 01/23/2005 at 07:00 AM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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   Saturday - January 22, 2005

Which?  Who?  (Part 2)

Which?  Who?  (part 2)

OK, guys and ladies so inclined to participate, which would you choose and who is she?

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 01/22/2005 at 05:47 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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Rock On!

If you’re in Austin, Texas on the last Tuesday of the next four months, drop by the Alamo Drafthouse Downtown. Just head down toward the capitol, get off on Sixth Street and ask anyone for directions. Most of the young people you’ll meet down here have no idea who John Kerry is and could care less who Kofi Annan is. They do care about playing air guitar though. Just ask them .. if you can get past the purple hair, leather outfits, thigh boots and assorted body piercings. They’re all participating in the National Air Guitar Championships.

Hey, they may have no shame but at least they’re not doing drugs (we hope) or making asses out of themselves at anti-war protests. Ya gotta love these kids from Texas! Oh, and if you see Jenna Bush tell her we said “Hello!”

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/22/2005 at 05:05 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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Barking Moonbat Of The Week Award

Not satisfied to watch Dan Rather go down in flames, ABC News has decided to wage all out war against President Bush. During the inauguration, they planned to cut from the parade to show a funeral of a soldier who had been killed in Iraq. They hunted for several days to find a funeral scheduled for Thursday. Then when they were caught in their little bit of mischief, they tried to cover it up. BTW, did you know Peter Jennings is is a Canuck? Blame Canada!

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/22/2005 at 02:37 PM   
Filed Under: • Awards • Media-Bias •  
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NUTS!

E-Bay Item Du Jour ....

Genuine dried squirrel scrotum preserved in all it’s glory. Perfect gift for that special someone who has everything - everything except some balls.

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/22/2005 at 02:00 PM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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The Constitution .. Critical Update

Bill of Rights, Version 2.0

Amendment I

Congress shall allow no display of the Christian religion in any manner whatsoever, or allow the free exercise thereof on public property; or abridging the freedom of manic anarchists to slander at will; or invade the privacy of the press which shall be considered holy and sacrosanct; or the right of the people to gather as a mob and burn public buildings, the flag or each other as a redress of perceived grievances.

Amendment II

A well mannered populace, being necessary to the security of rich politicians, treasonous academics and hollywood activists, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be allowed under any circumstances.

Amendment III

No soldier shall, in time of peace be treated honorably nor given any assistance in any manner, without the consent of the press, nor in time of war, but in a manner commensurate with their status as baby-killers and war-mongers.

Amendment IV

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against any searches and seizures, shall not be violated in any manner whatsoever unless supported by oath or affirmation by seven or more reliable witnesses, countersigned by four or more judges, reviewed by sixteen or more lawyers of the ACLU and the accused given seventy-two hours to hide all drug-related paraphernalia and or bomb-making material in the place to be searched.

Amendment V

No person shall be held to answer for a capitol, or otherwise infamous crime as personal responsibility is no longer considered relevant.

Amendment VI

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a trial lasting as much as twenty years by a carefully chosen jury in whatever district provides the best avenue for acquittal; to have witnesses against him slandered and publicly humiliated by sleazy lawyers; to have compulsory process for providing paid witnesses in his favor and to have the assistance of the most publicity-hungry lawyers money can buy.

Amendment VII

In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be optional, depending on the location and the whim of the court clerk and no fact tried by a jury shall stand until all appeals have been exhausted though they take an hundred years.

Amendment VIII

Bail shall not be required, nor fines imposed, nor punishments inflicted if the accused can be proven to be a victim of anything.

Amendment IX

The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed by the people as guaranteeing them any rights whatsoever.

Amendment X

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the politicians with the most money.

Version 1.0 (no longer supported) may be viewed here.

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/22/2005 at 12:04 PM   
Filed Under: • Democrats-Liberals-Moonbat Leftists •  
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

1. Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
2. Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
3. Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
4. Keep talking to each other, whether here or elsewhere

It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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