Wednesday - August 04, 2004

COURAGE….Found in Missouri

Say what you want about Missouri but its citizenry just climbed a notch in my estimation.

Last night they OVERWHELMINGLY passed an amendment to their constitution banning homosexual marriage.

Now let's see where states like Louisiana, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Montana, Oklahoma, Oregon and Utah stand. Their vote is later this year. In the states of Michigan, North Dakota and Ohio the initiatives are pending.

Daily Dose

Quote of the Day

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you. Rita Mae Brown

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On This Day in History

1944 Anne Frank and her family were found hiding in Amsterdam by Nazis.
1181 Supernova seen in Cassiopia
1693 Dom Perignon invents champagne
1969 Willie Stargell is 1st to hit a HR outside of Dodger Stadium
1989 Blue Jays' perfect game broken up in 9th with 2 outs by NY Yankee Roberto Kelly (GO YANKEES!!)

1892 Lizzie Borden took an axe . . .

Andrew and Abby Borden, elderly residents of Fall River, Massachusetts, are found bludgeoned to death in their home. Lying in a pool of blood on the living room couch, Andrew's face had been nearly split in two. Abby was found upstairs with her head smashed to pieces.

The Bordens, who were considerably wealthy, lived with their two unmarried daughters, Emma and Lizzie. Since Lizzie was the only other person besides the housekeeper who was present when the bodies were found, suspicion soon fell upon her. Because of the sensational nature of the murders, the trial attracted attention from around the nation.

Despite the fact that fingerprint testing was already becoming commonplace in Europe at the time, the police were wary of its reliability, and refused to test for prints on the murder weapon-a hatchet-found in the Borden's basement. The prosecution tried to prove that Lizzie had burned a dress similar to the one she was wearing on the day of the murders and had purchased a small axe the day before. But Lizzie was a sweet-looking Christian woman and the jury took only 90 minutes to decide that she could never commit such a heinous crime.

Although she was now an orphaned heiress rather than a convicted murderess, the media continued to portray Lizzie as the perpetrator. Her story is still remembered today mostly because of the infamous rhyme:

Lizzie Borden took an axe,
And gave her mother forty whacks;
When she saw what she had done,
She gave her father forty-one.

Ignoring the taunts, Lizzie lived the high life until her death in 1927. She was buried in the family plot next to her parents..

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Today's Birthdays

1901 Louis Armstrong New Orleans, Jazz musician & bandleader, "Hello Dolly" - oldest musician to have a Number 1 song
1900 Arturo Umberto Illia pres of Argentina (1963-66)
1900 Elizabeth Britain's Queen Mother
1955 Billy Bob Thornton Hot Springs, Ark. US. actor, 'Sling Blade','A Family Thing'
1962 Roger Clemens Dayton Ohio, Boston Red Sox pitcher (Cy Young, MVP)

Thanks to The Quotations Page       Famous Birthdays      Snopes

   Tuesday - August 03, 2004

I Know Michael Moore

I know Michael Moore. I grew up with him .... or someone just like him.

Remember the kid who never got chosen by any team to play baseball or basketball? The kid who sat on the sidelines and alternated between whining over not being chosen to play and yelling encouragement to both teams with words that never made sense? He wasn't smart enough to get in the Math Club or the Chess Club. He wasn't athletic enough to make any of the high school teams. Hell, he even flunked out of the Band audition because he couldn't grasp the fact that music is supposed to sound pleasant.

He had loser written all over him. Occasionally, some wise-ass pinned a "kick me" sign on his back while going down the hall .... and the stoopid f**k left it on after he found it because people seemed to be paying attention to him finally.

He was usually first to stick up his hand in answer to a question from teacher .... and he always gave the wrong answer. Then he tried to argue with the teacher to prove he was actually right. Until some cute girl sitting next to him leaned over and whispered "shut the f**k up, you useless dildo". She went on to become Homecoming Queen and he went to the Prom with his sister.

You know who I'm talking about. All of you went to school with the same creep. Or one just like him.

Well, guess what? The prick managed to survive high school and grew up and migrated to the Left Coast where he figured out how to suck up to all "the right people" and to tell people exaclty what they wanted to hear. He ate himself into a size 56 waist because of his exaggerated ego and suppressed conscience. He encountered a butt-ugly woman who was the female version of himself in high school. She flattered his ego and before you can say "OHMIGAWD" they were married. Pray that at least one of them is sterile.

His school ignorance and bruised, battered ego have grown up and made connections with pure assholes who know how to flatter him and use him to get what they want. He is happy in his own little universe. He can never be wrong and everyone who disagrees with him is just a reminder of the kids in high school who shunned him. He hates them all with a vitriolic hatred and he will only be satisfied when he has managed to cause them to feel the same pain he feels they inflicted on him in adolescence. He is a walking neurotic and dangerous only to the extent that he can make people miserable through lies and distortions. Remember, he knows he is never wrong.

Do you know this creep? I do. I remember him from high school. I never wanted him on my team either.

I challenge anyone in Flint, Michigan who went to high school with Michael Moron to tell me different. I'm waiting ....

A New Feature at BMEWS

You should all be bemused at the amusing new service we offer loyal BMEWS readers: Job Placement.

Today we start with Barb, the Anonoying Little Twerp, who fashions herself an Imperial Centurion.

First: Move to England
Second: Go on the dole
Third: Apply here.

Accident Prone?  Get Hurt Often? Boring Personality?

We already know that if get into an accident you need only call the bottom feeding, scum sucking ambulance chasing landsharks at John Edwards' law firm and become rich overnight.

But did you know you can become an instant war hero AND give your personality a boost, too? When you sustain an injury (paper cut, fingernail cut too close, a nick from shaving) or people walk away when you tell jokes at the office copying machine, use what The Poodle uses: Bland Aids!

More Liberal Bullshit

I just received this from "T". This is what Liberals think Republicans and Conservatives believe in. Here are all their arguments in one place, kids. As you can see, the list is a twisted mixture of hatred and hypocricy. These are the Liberals' "Talking Points". Go ahead. Let me know what you think of these accusations. I'm already making a list ....


Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.


Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.


The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.


A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.


Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.


The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.


If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.


A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.


Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.


HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.


Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.


A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable offense.


A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.


Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.


The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.


Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.


You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.


What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

God Sends A Message

Joe Biden, from Delaware, the ranking dummycrap senator on the Foreign Relations Committee, found out yesterday his house had been struck by lightning.

Joe's really been an asshole the past 4 years and I think God was tired of it.

Think Joe will listen?

Three Guesses Who Journalists Would Vote For

Did anyone say, "The Poodle?"

HOORAY!! You're right!

Even more disturbing is that Washington journalist favor The Poodle and his Puppy 12 to 1!!!!

Now, please explain to me how anyone can expect unbiased news reporting when the media tilts so heavily to America-haters, socialists, misfits, criminals (yep, most criminals vote Dummycrap!), and other assorted low lifes?

It’s Tuesday.  Is Work Stressing You?

Fret no more. Here are 25 ways to cope with stress

l. Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at a time.
2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa, and vice-versa.
3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
4. When someone says "Have a nice day," tell them you have other plans.
5. Drive to work in reverse.
6. Dance naked in front of your pets.
7. Sit naked on a shelled hard-boiled egg.
8. Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals.
9. Tape pictures of your boss on watermelons and launch them from high places.
10. Leaf through "National Geographic" and draw underwear on the natives.

Irony Smacks Eco-Freaks Up Beside the Head

The scene: Eco-freaks take a vacation on a small cruise ship.

Eco-freaks: OOOH! AAAHH! Look at that pretty whale. Let's pet it and show it we are at one with it!

Whale thinks: "assholes!"

Cruise ship: "hey, Captain! YO! NUMBNUTS!! You're too close to......................CRASH! SCREECH! (sounds of tearing metal)

Ship runs aground! Punctures the fuel tank. Probably fucks up a bunch of wildlife.

Returning to the present: No outcry from PETA or the Tree-Huggers or Greenpeace yet. They're probably all gathered together plotting to release a news story saying the Captain was a drunken, religious zealot, right wing republican in favor of logging.

Am I the only one who sees the irony in this?

And the beat goes on

Check out this awesome piece on The Poodle's voting record--------while on the INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE!

Here are a couple of snippets from it:

During his tenure on the committee, which provides oversight of national intelligence agencies, Kerry was absent for 38 of 49 public hearings, according to Sen. Saxby Chambliss, R-Ga. `

Sorta like how he's been absent 88% of the time this year, eh? And to show the liberalism of Massachusetts' voters, they allow him to collect his $130,000 (MOL) unemployment compensation salary while running for president. Hey, as far as those moonbats are concerned it's government money after all, not theirs.

"For example, in 1993 after the World Trade Center bombing Senator Kerry introduced a number of measures that were to reduce funding for the intelligence community by $7.5 billion, including a bill that he introduced in 1995 that called for the reduction in funding for the intelligence committees and intelligence communities by $300 million a year for five consecutive years"

And here's the best thing about all this. While on the campaign trail yesterday, The Poodle castigates our President for not calling a special session of Congress in order to implement some of the measures proposed by the 9-11 commission. He also went on to say he"

would interrupt his campaigning to be there for debate and voting "when necessary."

How's THAT for chutzpah, ladies and gentlemen?

Daily Dose

Quote of the Day

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder. Alfred Hitchcock

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. Rita Rudner

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On This Day in History

1678 Robert LaSalle builds 1st ship in America, Griffon
1914 Yankee catcher Nunamaker throws out 3 would be stealers in 1 inning GO YANKEES!
1958 The nuclear-powered submarmine Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the North Pole underwater.
1977 Radio Shack issues a press release introducing the TRS-80 computer 25 existed, within weeks thousands were ordered
1981 U.S. air traffic controllers went on strike.

1958 NAUTILUS TRAVELS UNDER NORTH POLE

On August 3, 1958, the U.S. nuclear submarine Nautilus accomplishes the first undersea voyage to the geographic North Pole. The world's first nuclear submarine, the Nautilus dived at Point Barrow, Alaska, and traveled nearly 1,000 miles under the Arctic ice cap to reach the top of the world. It then steamed on to Iceland, pioneering a new and shorter route from the Pacific to the Atlantic and Europe.
The USS Nautilus was constructed under the direction of U.S. Navy Captain Hyman G. Rickover, a brilliant Russian-born engineer who joined the U.S. atomic program in 1946. In 1947, he was put in charge of the navy's nuclear-propulsion program and began work on an atomic submarine. Regarded as a fanatic by his detractors, Rickover succeeded in developing and delivering the world's first nuclear submarine years ahead of schedule. In 1952, the Nautilus' keel was laid by President Harry S. Truman, and on January 21, 1954, first lady Mamie Eisenhower broke a bottle of champagne across its bow as it was launched into the Thames River at Groton, Connecticut. Commissioned on September 30, 1954, it first ran under nuclear power on the morning of January 17, 1955.

Much larger than the diesel-electric submarines that preceded it, the Nautilus stretched 319 feet and displaced 3,180 tons. It could remain submerged for almost unlimited periods because its atomic engine needed no air and only a very small quantity of nuclear fuel. The uranium-powered nuclear reactor produced steam that drove propulsion turbines, allowing the Nautilus to travel underwater at speeds in excess of 20 knots.

The submarine traveled at a depth of about 500 feet, and the ice cap above varied in thickness from 10 to 50 feet, with the midnight sun of the Arctic shining in varying degrees through the blue ice. At 11:15 p.m. EDT on August 3, 1958, Commander Anderson announced to his crew: "For the world, our country, and the Navy--the North Pole." The Nautilus passed under the geographic North Pole without pausing. The submarine next surfaced in the Greenland Sea between Spitzbergen and Greenland on August 5. Two days later, it ended its historic journey at Iceland. For the command during the historic journey, President Dwight D. Eisenhower decorated Anderson with the Legion of Merit.

After a career spanning 25 years and almost 500,000 miles steamed, the Nautilus was decommissioned on March 3, 1980. Designated a National Historic Landmark in 1982, the world's first nuclear submarine went on exhibit in 1986 as the Historic Ship Nautilus at the Submarine Force Museum in Groton, Connecticut.

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Today's Birthdays

1900 Ernie Pyle, correspondant during WW II
1900 John T Scopes, Tennessee teacher convicted for teaching evolution
1924 Leon Uris US, novelist (Exodus, QB VII)
1926 Tony Bennett,Queens NY, singer (Left a body part in SF)
1941 Martha Stewart, cookbook author/actress (Those Two) (Now a prisoner!)


Thanks to        The Quotations Page       Famous Birthdays      Snopes

   Monday - August 02, 2004

The Numbers Suck for Kerry

Latest polling shows The Poodle actually LOST ground to President Bush. Most polls released recently reflect the same sort of trend.

Let me know how much coverage this gets on the news, OK?

I'll bet all you'll see is the ABC poll which shows Kerry's ahead.

Why Has This Not Been Asked?

The Breck Girl is one year younger than I am. He's old enough to have been subject to the draft. Considering the youthful appearance, I am not surprised someone's not done some digging yet but why haven't we heard anything about his service record? Did I miss something?

I read his bio and nothing is mentioned of military service. Did he evade the draft? Why didn't he volunteer? After all, President Bush has been dragged through the mud and he served with the National Guard and we've been made to believe (by the media) that this was dishonorable service because it wasn't active duty like Kerry. The media and Democrats are besmirching the name of and the honorable service of all Guard members with these tactics. Yet no mention is made of Edwards' service.

Could this be more media bias displayed in an effort to support The Poodle and his Puppy?

So, how about it? Anyone know?

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The Stat Monster

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GNU Terry Pratchett