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calendar   Tuesday - August 27, 2013

2000 years of public relations Part 1 By Craig Brown.

The following is from Craig Brown of the Daily Mail.

He is an award winning columnist and author.


Execution of Anne Boleyn, press release from the Court of King Henry VIII, May 1536

In a statement issued this afternoon, the King’s chief minister, Thomas Cromwell, said: ‘After a hugely successful stint at the very highest reaches of society, Anne has decided this is the very best time to be executed.

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‘This is consistent with the recent phasing out of the role of the King’s second wife as part of the general restructuring and streamlining of the Royal Court. Anne has been a terrific colleague and will be greatly missed by everyone.’

Before placing her head on the block, Anne Boleyn issued this statement for immediate release: ‘Of course, I am very sad to be going, but the current royal environment demands fresh thinking and a leaner approach, so I greatly look forward to today’s bold new challenge of having my head chopped off.

‘I would personally like to thank King Henry VIII for giving me such a wonderful opportunity to be his Queen for the past three years, during which time I am proud to have helped restore relations with France and to have presided over a new can-do spirit of style and glamour within the Royal Court.

‘It has been an enormous privilege to serve the people of England, and I hope my premature death will draw a line under recent events and usher in an era of exciting new challenges.

‘I wish King Henry well in the years to come, and all his subsequent wives the very best.

‘I’ll be sorry to say goodbye to my many friends and colleagues, but this seems to me the perfect time to be departing to pursue other interests.’

-30-

From the Office of the Nazi Party, April 1945

‘I’m sorry to be leaving, but it’s time for new faces and fresh ideas,’ said the Fuhrer in a statement today.
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‘I am very proud to have presided over a historic period of expansion, in which the Nazi brand came to symbolise global leadership.

‘I am also pleased to have achieved a series of bold, multiple-award-winning innovations under the strategic umbrella of Fatherland Solutions. 

‘During my time in office, Germany entered into an exciting, mutually uplifting partnership with the Soviet Union.

‘We were particularly proud to have joined forces with many neighbouring countries, offering their citizens a more unified, forward-looking and sustainable experience.

‘I have always wanted to time my suicide so that I could leave the party at the right moment and in the best possible shape.

‘Now is that time. Germany is about to embark on a refreshing new chapter in its long history, and I am delighted to be leaving the Reich in the very capable hands of Admiral Karl Donitz, a friend and colleague of many years standing. I know he will take our great team from strength to strength.’

Tributes to Adolf Hitler continued to pour in last night, with many praising the ‘verve’, ‘charisma’ and ‘dynamism’ he brought to the job.

‘Adolf was an inspirational leader, as well as an iconic figurehead. He’s built up a great global brand and will be sadly missed,’ said Field Marshal Hermann Goering in a statement released today.

‘Basically, it’s all been about putting smiles on people’s faces.’

-30-

Press release from the White Star Line, April 1912

To the delight of a sizeable minority of its passengers, RMS Titanic yesterday completed its memorable maiden voyage from Southampton.

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‘We certainly hit the ground running and have successfully attracted the attention of the world’s media,’ said J. Bruce Ismay, managing director of the White Star Line. ‘We’ve all been literally bowled over by this cutting- edge experience.

‘It all goes to demonstrate, once again, our dynamic company’s exciting ability to think outside the box, face fresh challenges and move forward.

And not only forward, but onward and, more importantly, downward.

‘The Titanic’s iconic first voyage gave us the unparalleled opportunity to celebrate connectivity by inter-relating with an iconic iceberg. Our game-changing maiden voyage will set the agenda for the next generation.’

In response to a small but vociferous group of critics, most of whom were not even on the Titanic’s voyage, Mr Ismay added: ‘As an international group, we continue to welcome positive criticism and are determined to learn lessons.

‘We apologise unreservedly to all those who may have drowned during this maiden voyage, and will make every effort to ensure that this does not happen to them again.

‘As a mark of our appreciation for sailing with us, we are delighted to offer them courtesy vouchers to offset against any future voyages.’

-30-

CRAIG BROWN, Daily Mail


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Oh, and here's some kind of visitor flag counter thingy. Hey, all the cool blogs have one, so I should too. The Visitors Online thingy up at the top doesn't count anything, but it looks neat. It had better, since I paid actual money for it.
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